“Who?” Sophia cuts in. “Are you a cheater, Hav? I’m gonna kick your ass if you are.”

“Shh, come on. Not now,” he says to Alyssa. “We were talking about David, not us,” he turns back to me. “It’s obvious the guy wants something other than money, or he would’ve already taken the check and left.”

“Well, I’m not surprised he was finally being investigated for all that shit. It’s about time. But if Marcus did kill him, so be it. Let him have the money all to himself if that’s what he wants, and that’s that. He’s not going to stick around for anything else.”

“Bullshit. My girl’s right,” Haverty says. “We need to take care of this guy and stop jerking around before we’re hunted as game.”

“That’s my Jimmy,” Alyssa grins, swapping her empty salad plate for his full serving. She digs in and waves her fork in the air for us to continue.

I point a finger toward Haverty and change my tone so he knows I’m not talking about this tonight. “No, this discussion’s over. He gets the check, period. We didn’t invite you out to devise a plan against Marcus Wild. I’m not going to live my life that way.”

“His name sounds familiar. Did we meet him in Vegas?” Sophia asks. “Was he at the big pleasure party in my father’s house?”

“I can’t remember. It was too crowded,” I reply.

Haverty takes another swig from the bottle of wine and unbuttons the top of his shirt as if he’s loosening his clothing for a fight.

“I have something else to tell you,” he says. “A note on David’s phone said he wanted a family member to find his body, other than his daughter, saying that would be too traumatic for her. Your mother was the next logical person. That’s why he was behind the Scarlett. If Marcus killed him, he certainly set it up well. It’s scary to imagine someone like that is roaming this city. What’s he gonna do next?”

“That’s the whole point. He wants to scare the shit out of me.”

“Why? What for?”

Good question. And I haven’t a clue. I watch as Sophia and Alyssa devour their salads and Haverty stares into my eyes waiting for an answer. He cracks his knuckles to pressure me into answering while the women wince at the sound.

This time the interruption feels more like a rescue as our waiter returns to drop off a second basket of bread and to take our orders. Neither Sophia nor Alyssa can make a decision and both request “something good.” I order for them, while Haverty has his heart set on the roast pork. When it comes to food, he always knows what he wants, and Alyssa will eat anything, which is why she had a difficult time choosing her meal. If she could, she’d order a sample of each dish.

“I want to know more about this other woman you’ve proposed to,” I say, moving Marcus out of the conversation.

“Yeah, me too. I’ve been fuming in silence and you have no idea how pissed I am right now. How dare you treat Alyssa like shit,” Sophia snarls. “Who’s the other woman?”

“No one.”

“What do you mean, no one?” Alyssa chugs the remainder of her wine and pours another. She’s diving in and Haverty’s quivering like a mouse trapped in a corner by a cat. “Have you guys seen his Facebook site? His profile picture is of the two of them with his arm over her shoulder.”

“Whoa, no way.” Sophia takes out her phone to check it out.

“Are you and Haverty Facebook friends?” I ask, only to get a headshake of no. “Who are you friends with, Soph?” She shrugs and doesn’t answer my question because her jaw is on the floor. “No fucking way!” she squeals. “Cove, look!”

“Holy shit, Haverty,” I can’t help but laugh. He covers his eyes in embarrassment and moans.

“You promised,” he whispers.

“Nuh-uh. See, there you go again. It’s time, Jimmy. I didn’t promise nothing. You need to put her back in the box she came in or I’ll let Max hump her leg again.”

Sophia’s in tears as she tries to control her laughter, only to make a snorting sound that sends us all into a round of deep, chest heaving chuckles.

I’m finally able to speak, after wiping tears of laughter from my face. “You have a blowup doll, Hav?” I break down again, unable to contain myself. “And you proposed to it? And you think I’m fucked up?” I’m almost on the floor now, as his face turns red. “I’m sorry, man, but this is funny. You’ve got to be able to laugh at yourself about this one.”

“I can’t believe you put her on Facebook instead of Alyssa. This is a joke. Right?” Sophia asks.

He slides his hand down his face and nods. “Yes, it’s a joke.”

“Nuh-uh. You sleep with her when I have to work the night shift at the hotel. Don’t lie to them.”

“I work the night shift too.”

“Not always. At the beginning of the week I come home and she’s in bed with you. And you keep her up on a shelf like she’s a trophy or something.”

“It’s so the dogs don’t pop her. She’s fragile and I don’t want her to explode.”

“Well, that’s what’s supposed to happen, you know? If you play around with me, I explode, only when I burst I’m not gonna shrivel away on you like she will. Do you want stability in your life? ‘Cause in my opinion, that woman’s unstable and the odd third wheel in the room,” she says.

“Oh. My. God.” Sophia exclaims with her eyes bugging out of her head. “So this is real? You have two girlfriends and one’s a blowup doll?”

“No, her name’s Marian and she’s just a friend,” he says sarcastically. “So what if I have a blowup doll? A lot of people do, women too. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I agree there’s nothing wrong with it, until you put her on your Facebook page, then things get a little creepy.” I look at the site again and shake my head. “So, Jimmy... how long you two been together?”

“You shouldn’t laugh at my secrets, buddy. It’s bad karma,” he says, somewhat serious.

I nod and try to wipe the smile off my face but know I can’t as long as the picture’s on the screen. I swipe back a page and see Sophia’s site... the one with an excess of friends who I’ve never met.

“If you must know, I fell in love with a woman about six years ago during my college days. We lived with one another for two years and I was convinced we were going to get married.” Alyssa rolls her eyes as if she’s heard the story a million times. “But, she graduated a year before me and was accepted into grad school in another state. She was worried about me cheating on her, which would’ve never happened, but she bought me the blowup doll anyway. She said if I had cravings I should get it on with the doll, and not with a real woman. The doll became a substitute for her and I became attached to it.”

“And then she left?” I say. “And you couldn’t let go of the doll?”

He nods.

“So when you propose to it, are you proposing to Alyssa, or to the other girl?”

“Soph, don’t ask him that.”

“Why not? It’s a valid question,” she responds.

“Yeah, right? That’s what I want to know, but he won’t answer me,” Alyssa sighs, while refolding her napkin and flashing him an exaggerated pout. “I don’t know why I stay with the fucknut and his other girlfriend. I love having me some Jimmy, but not Jimmy and pretty blowup Kimmy.” She takes another sip of wine as Haverty falls to one knee and pulls the timeless black box out of his jacket pocket.

“My Muffin Mama, I’m going to make this short and sweet,” he grins.

Oh shit, no way. Just out of the blue he’s gonna propose? That’s why he was so nervous. Damn him. This is slick.

“Nuh-uh,” Alyssa says, looking at the box.

“You said you wanted one of those fancy restaurant proposals like you read about all the time in your chick lit novels, and this is the best that I’m gonna be able to do.”

I gaze at Sophia who has a hand over her mouth and both women have flushed cheeks, suckers for this kind of fanciful romance.

“So, can I tie you in a knot... I mean, you want to tie the knot and have a fucknut for a husband?”