At night, Anna laced up her running shoes and ran almost to exhaustion. She returned to the apartment, stripped off her sweaty clothes, and took a long, hot shower, joining me in bed afterward. She had just enough energy to make love and then she crashed, sleeping soundly. She still had the occasional nightmare or trouble falling asleep but nothing like before.

I liked our routine. I had no desire to change it.

***

“Ben invited me to spend the weekend with him,” I told Anna over breakfast a few weeks later.

“He’s at the University of Iowa, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I love that campus. You’ll have a great time.”

“I’m leaving Friday. I’m catching a ride with a friend of his.”

“Check out the school, not just the bars. You might want to consider going there after you finish your GED.”

I didn’t tell Anna I had no interest in a college that was in another state, away from her. Or any interest in college at all, actually.

***

A wobbly six-foot-high beer can pyramid stood in the corner of Ben’s dorm room. I stepped over empty pizza boxes and piles of dirty laundry. Textbooks, tennis shoes, and empty Mountain Dew bottles covered every inch of the floor.

“Jesus, how can you stand this?” I asked. “And did someone take a piss in your elevator?”

“Probably,” Ben replied. “Here’s your ID.”

I squinted at the driver’s license. “Since when am I five-eight, blond, and twenty-seven?”

“Since now. Are you ready to go to the bar?”

“Sure. Where do you want me to put my stuff?”

“Who cares, dude.” Ben’s roommate had gone home for the weekend so I threw my duffel bag on his bed and followed Ben out the door.

“Let’s take the stairs,” I said.

We had a good buzz going by nine o’clock. I checked my cell but there were no messages from Anna. I thought about calling her, but I knew Ben would give me shit about it so I put my phone back in my pocket.

He invited some people over to our table to do shots. No one recognized me. I blended into the crowd like any other college student, which was exactly the way I wanted it.

I sat between two very drunk girls. One of them downed a shot of vodka while the other paused, holding the glass to her lips. She leaned toward me, her eyes glassy, and said, “You’re really hot.” Then she set the shot down and puked all over the table. I jumped up and pushed my chair back.

Ben motioned for me to follow him and we walked out of the bar. I took deep breaths of the cold air to clear the smell out of my nose.

“You want to get something to eat?” he asked me.

“Always.”

“Pizza?”

“Sure.”

We sat at a table in the back. “Anna told me to check out the campus. She said I should think about coming here after I get my GED.”

“Dude, that’d be awesome. We could get our own place. Are you gonna?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

I was drunk enough to be honest with Ben. “I just want to be with her.”

“Anna?”

“Yes, dumbass. Who else?”

“What’s she want?”

The waitress came to our table and set a large pepperoni and sausage pizza down in front of us. I put two pieces on my plate and said, “I’m not sure.”

“Are you talking, like, get married and have a kid with her?”

“I’d marry her tomorrow.” I took a bite of my pizza. “Maybe we could wait a little while for the kid.”

“Will she wait?”

“I don’t know.”

Chapter 55 – Anna

Stefani and I ordered a glass of wine at the bar while we waited for a table.

“So T.J. went to visit his friend this weekend?” Stefani asked.

“Yes.” I glanced at my watch. 8:03. “My guess is they’re heading full speed toward wasted right now. At least I hope so.”

“You don’t care if he gets trashed?”

“Do you remember what we did in college?”

Stefani smiled. “How is it that we never got arrested?”

“Short skirts and dumb luck.” I took a sip of my wine. “I want T.J. to have those experiences. I don’t want him to feel like he’s missed out.”

“Are you trying to convince yourself, or me?”

“I’m not trying to convince anyone. I just don’t want to hold him back.”

“Rob and I want to meet him. If he’s important to you we’d like to get to know him.”

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you, Stef.”

“The bartender put two more glasses of wine in front of us. “These are from the guys sitting over in the corner.”

Stefani waited a minute and then grabbed her purse hanging on the back of her chair. She rummaged around inside and pulled out a mirror and lipstick, turning back around.

“Well?”

“They’re good-looking.”

“You’re married!”

“I’m not gonna go home with one of them. Besides, Rob knew I was a flirt when he married me.” She applied her lipstick and used a cocktail napkin to blot. “And no one has sent me a drink since the mid-nineties so shut up.”

“Do we have to go over and say thank you or can we just ignore them?” I asked.

“You don’t want to talk to them?”

“No.”

“Too late. Here they come.”

I looked over my shoulder as they approached.

“Hi,” one of them said.

“Hi. Thank you for the wine.”

His friend chatted with Stefani. I rolled my eyes when she flipped her hair and giggled.

“I’m Drew.” He had brown hair and he was wearing a suit and tie. He looked like he was in his mid to late thirties. Attractive, if you liked the banker type.

“Anna.” We shook hands.

“I recognized you from your picture in the paper. That was quite an ordeal. I assume you’re tired of talking about it.”

“I am.”

The conversation stalled so I took a sip of my wine.

“Are you waiting for a table?” he asked.

“Yes. It should be ready soon.”

“Maybe we can join you?”

“I’m sorry, not tonight. I just want to spend time with my friend.”

“Sure. I understand. Maybe I could get your phone number.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on,” he said, smiling and turning on the charm. “I’m a nice guy.”

“I’m seeing someone.”

“That was fast.” He looked at me strangely. “Wait, you don’t mean that kid, do you?”

“He’s not a kid.”

“Yes he is.”

Stefani tapped me on the shoulder. “Our table is ready.”

“Thanks again for the wine. Excuse me.” I grabbed my purse and coat, slid off the bar stool, and followed Stefani.

“What did he say to you?” Stefani asked when we sat down at the table. “You didn’t look thrilled with him.”

“He discovered I wasn’t single. Then he called T.J. a kid.”

“His ego is probably a bit bruised.”

“T.J. is young, Stefani. When people look at him, they don’t see what I see. They see a kid.”

“What do you see?” Stefani asked.

“I just see T.J.”

He came home Sunday night, tired and hung over. He set his bag down on the floor and pulled me into his arms. I gave him a long kiss.

“Wow,” he said. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me back.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“How was it?”

“His dorm room is a pit, a girl almost puked on me, and somebody peed in the elevator.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Really?”

“I gotta tell you. I wasn’t super impressed.”

“You’d probably feel differently if you’d gone to college right after high school.”

“But I didn’t, Anna. And I’m still behind.”

Chapter 56 – T.J.

“I don’t have to wear a tie, do I?”