“Tatiana!” he screamed into her face. “I will stand here and be accused of anything, but don’t you dare tell me I didn’t feel enough for you! Don’t even pretend to yourself you can speak that lie and have it come out of your mouth as the truth. Everything I have fucking done with my life since the day I met you was because of how I felt about you, so if you continue to give me your bullshit now, I swear to God—”

“I won’t,” she said faintly, but it was too late then.

Alexander grabbed her and shook her. Tatiana felt so vulnerable, so soft in his arms. Utterly defeated by his anger and his remorse and his desire, he pushed her hard away, cursed, picked up his things off the ground, and ran up the hill and through the path.

6

Tatiana ran after him, yelling, “Shura, please stop! Please!”

She couldn’t catch up. He disappeared through the woods. She ran all the way home. His things were still there, but he was not.

“What’s the matter, Tanechka?” Naira asked, carrying a basket of tomatoes.

“Nothing,” Tatiana replied, panting. She took the basket from Naira.

“Where is Alexander?”

“Still at the old house,” she said. “Taking the boards off the windows.”

“I hope he nails them back,” Dusia said, looking up from the Bible, “when he is done. What’s he doing that for anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Tatiana said, turning away so they wouldn’t see her face. “Do you need your medicine, Raisa?”

“Yes, please.”

Tatiana gave Raisa her medicine for the shakes, medicine that didn’t help at all, and then she folded the sheets she had washed yesterday, and then—so afraid he was going to come, take his things, and leave—she hid his tent and rifle in the shed behind the house, and then she went down to the river and washed all his uniforms by hand on the washboard.

Alexander still had not come back.

Tatiana took his helmet into the woods and picked a whole helmetful of blueberries. Returning home, she made a blueberry pie and blueberry compôte, a thick fruit drink.

Alexander still hadn’t come back.

Tatiana went and caught some fish and made ukha, fish soup, for dinner. He once said he really liked ukha.

Alexander still hadn’t come back.

Tatiana peeled some potatoes, grated them, and made potato pancakes.

Vova came and asked if she wanted to go swimming. She said no and got out some ribbed cotton material and made Alexander a new, larger sleeveless top.

And still he hadn’t come back.

Why couldn’t he just have stayed and finished their fight? She wasn’t going anywhere; she was staying until the end, why couldn’t he? The pit of her stomach was so empty and scared. Well, she wasn’t going to let him go until they finished it. She didn’t care how he lost his temper.

Now it was six o’clock and time to go to the banya. She left him a note. Dearest Shura, If you’re hungry, please eat the soup and the pancakes. We’re at the bathhouse. Or you could wait for us and we will eat together. On your bed is a new top for you. I hope it fits better. Tania.

In the bathhouse she scrubbed herself for him until she was glistening pink.

Zoe asked her if Alexander was going to join them by the fire this evening.

“I don’t know,” said Tatiana. “You’d have to ask him.”

Zoe said, flinging her great big breasts, “He is quite delicious. Do you think he is feeling awful over Dasha?”

“Yes.”

Zoe smiled. “Maybe he needs a little comfort.”

Tatiana looked Zoe straight in the face. As if Zoe had any idea about what comfort Alexander needed. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said coolly.

“No, you wouldn’t. Never mind.” Zoe laughed and went to get changed.

Tatiana dried off and dressed, brushing her wet hair and leaving it down past her shoulders. She put on a blue print cotton dress she had made; it was thin and sleeveless with a half-open back and a short hemline. When they all came out of the bathhouse, Alexander was waiting for them outside. Tatiana locked her relieved eyes on him for a moment and then, unable to take his expression, looked away.

“There he is!” Naira said. “Where have you been all day?”

Dusia asked, “How are the windows in the house?”

“Windows? What house?” he asked gruffly.

“Vasili Metanov’s house. Tania said you were taking the boards off the windows.”

“Oh,” he said, never taking his darkened eyes off Tatiana. She stood next to Raisa, hoping to hide behind Raisa’s shaking.

“Are you hungry? Have you eaten?” Tatiana asked him in her smallest voice. She couldn’t find a bigger one.

Mutely he shook his head.

They all started walking home. Axinya took Alexander’s arm. Zoe came up close on the other side of him, took his other arm and asked if Alexander wanted to go to the fire.

“No,” he replied, pulling away from Zoe and toward Tatiana, bending down to her and whispering, “What did you do with my things?”

“Hid them,” she whispered back, her heart throbbing. She wanted to put her hand on him, but she was afraid he’d lose his control, and they would have to have it out in front of everyone.

“Tania makes very good fish soup, Alexander,” Naira said. “You like fish soup?”

Dusia piped up, “And her blueberry pie is out of this world. I’m so hungry.”

“Why?” Alexander whispered.

“Why what?” Dusia asked.

“Never mind,” Alexander said, moving away from them all.

When they got home, Tatiana busied herself with setting the table. She looked up on her bed to see if he had read the note and taken the shirt. The note was gone. The shirt remained where she had left it.

Alexander came inside. The four ladies were out on the porch. “Where are my things?” he asked.

“Shura—”

“Stop it,” he snapped. “Give me my things so I can leave.”

“Alexander, can you come here?” Naira stuck her head in. “We need your help opening this bottle of vodka. The cap seems to be stuck.”

He went out on the porch. Tatiana’s hands were trembling as badly as Raisa’s. She dropped one of the dishes. The metal plate made quite a clang when it hit the wooden floor.

Vova arrived. The porch was filled with laughing voices.

Alexander came inside and opened his mouth to speak. Tatiana motioned to the back of him. Vova stood in the doorway. “Tanyusha, do you need help? Can I carry something to the table for you?”

“Yes, Tanyusha,” said Alexander bitingly, “can Vova carry something for you?”

“No, thank you. Can you give me a minute, please?”

“Come on,” said Vova to Alexander, who hadn’t moved. “You heard her. She wants a minute.”

“Yes,” said Alexander, without turning around. “A minute with me.”

Vova reluctantly left the room.

“Where are my things?”

“Shura, why are you leaving?”

“Why? There is no place for me here. You’ve made that abundantly clear. I can’t believe you haven’t packed for me, the way you feel. I don’t need to be told twice, Tania.”

Her lips were trembling. “Stay and have dinner with us.”

“No.”

“Please, Shura,” she said, her voice breaking. “I made you potato pancakes.” She took a step to him.

“No,” he said, blinking.

“You can’t leave. We haven’t finished.”

“Oh, we’ve finished.”

“What can I say to make it better?”

“You’ve said it all very clearly. Now good-bye would be good.”

The food table was between them. Tatiana came around on his side. “Shura,” she said quietly, “please let me touch you.”

“No.” He backed farther away.

Naira stuck her head through the open door. “Is dinner ready?”

“Almost, Naira Mikhailovna,” said Tatiana.

“I thought you weren’t going to leave until you fixed me?” she said faintly. “Fix me, Shura.”

“You told me yourself there isn’t enough of me to fix what’s wrong inside you. Well, you’ve made a believer out of me. Now, where are my things?”