“No, I switched my major.”

I wanted to ask her if it was to basket weaving, but I held my tongue. “To what?”

“Culinary arts,” She replied.

“Did you finish that course of study then?”

“Yes,” Her suntanned face flushed. She was brassed. I had her where I wanted her, “Did you finish yours?” She snapped, suddenly looking me in the eye again.

“Oh, aye,” I had been being a cow since I first laid eyes on her, but now she had taken a poke at me and I was going to have her for supper instead of that insanely good meatloaf. Culinary degree indeed! “I have a Master’s of Science in Microbiology, a Graduate Degree in Biophotonics, in fact, and a Bachelors of Science in Accounting. I speak fluent French and English as well as Welsh, which you better learn quickly,” I put extra emphasis on ‘and English’ to mock her former major. I watched her flinch when I mentioned learning Welsh, “Currently, the team I’m spending my days with are using lasers to irradiate blood cells and recording data to find new and better ways to cure small problems we have on Earth. Little things, you know? Like cancer,” I sat back in my chair, very satisfied with myself, “What’s your work? Since you no longer model?”

She flushed deeper.

Oliver pinched my leg under the table. “So you’re a chef? I can bloody believe that! This food is absolutely fantastic!”

Alexander looked at me like he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or ask me to leave, “We met at uni in the café, Sil. Melissa had just seen her sister in a play and she was getting a cup of coffee. The lid wasn’t on properly and her drink spilled all over. I got her some serviettes and when the barista replaced her coffee we sat down and had a chat.” He looked at her softly, “It was like…kismet.”

Kismet? Was he out of his blooming mind? Alexander said kismet? Something was indeed wrong in the universe if Alexander Dickinson of all the wanton rogues who dwelled within it was using words like kismet! I thought for a second about smacking him, too. There was something not right about this girl, but I was not sure what it was yet. I couldn’t believe Alexander wasn’t on to it. I opened my mouth to say a little something about kismet, but Oliver pinched my leg again.

“That’s how it happens. Small events, yeah? I hit Silvia in the head with a ball, that’s how we met.”

“I’m really clumsy. It was embarrassing,” Melissa smiled at my husband all sugary sweet. It shot through my chest like a red hot arrow. I was going to kill her.

“Oliver wasn’t being clumsy,” I started in hotly before she could finish, “He was being careless. There’s a difference, you know? Carelessness is an oversight. You can’t help being clumsy, it’s a liability of the way one’s brain is designed. Not a good quality in a kitchen, I would imagine. Have you ever tripped and tumbled into a hot oven with a spring loaded door?”

I said this all very quickly. It was obvious that she had not understood a word from the confusion on her face. Sometimes I loved the way my accent complicated a situation.

Oliver and Alexander both laughed out loud. Alexander coughed to stop himself when he saw the look on his wife’s face. Oliver suddenly became insanely thirsty and guzzled his cider.

The room was deathly quiet as she glanced from face to face, avoiding mine completely. Finally, she spoke, “I tried to be cool and wait for him to call me,” She pretended she wasn’t ruffled. She was looking right at Oliver. I didn’t like the way she was ogling at him, either. It was something like the way a streetwalker would eye a fifty pound note, “But I couldn’t. I called him the next day and asked him out and that was it. We were in love.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet I think I’m going to – Ow!” I stopped short when Oliver pinched me again, this time harder than the other times. I slapped his shoulder just as hard. “Stop it!”

“And he accepted, obviously!” Oliver was being exceptionally kind, but I knew he would have cheered me of if I took a whack at her. He was only holding me back for the sake of his brother. “How lucky for the two of you.” He paused, as if gauging the explosiveness of the situation. “So you haven’t met Mum and Dad yet, Melissa?”

It was my turn to be quiet and let my husband take an unintentional jab. I had some more meatloaf. I hated to admit how fantastic it was, but it was the most wonderful thing that I’d ever eaten in my life. It made me want to scratch her eyes out. A chef! An honourable title, I supposed. Suddenly it seemed to me that I could hardly boil an egg.

“No, not yet,” Alexander gave his brother a knowing look.

“Well, no rush for that, yeah?” Oliver didn’t sound at all like he meant it.

“Bollocks!” I said loudly, “She’s family now! She deserves to wade in the same deep river of hell that I do when it comes to your folks! Share the pain, that’s what family’s all about!”

I watched Melissa flush yet again.

The boys stared at me with the same disbelieving smirks on their face.

“Well, it’s true!” I insisted.

“So, Big Brother,” Alexander finally broke the silence that followed, “What’s happening with you?”

Oliver took a sideways glance at me to make sure I was finished and then launched into a rundown of his daily life. I let them talk. I supposed I had said enough by then. It had been a long while since the boys had been face to face and I could see the both of them relaxing in each other's company. I hadn't seen in Oliver relax like that for a long, long while.

They were the only conversation for the remainder of the meal. I made it a point to keep my mouth shut and my eyes down. When dinner was done, I helped Alex clear the table while Oliver assisted Melissa with the dishes. After, we adjourned to the front room for wine, dessert and more chitchat.

Melissa had made tiramisu from scratch. She seemed very proud of this, although I knew from experience that tiramisu was not difficult to put together. Still, I said nothing. I had decided that there was no point and anything that would come out of my mouth could potentially lead to a court hearing. Oh, I so wanted to clock her!

“No, thank you,” I said when Alexander tried to hand me a dish, “That’ll make your arse expand exponentially, fast and for real.”

She gave me a nasty look out of the corner of her eye as she passed. I leaned forward and meant to trip her, but Oliver put his hand against my knee and shook his head.

There was a lot of wine and way too much irrelevant conversation happening that evening for my taste. I've never been a big wine drinker. It upsets my stomach and gives me a headache, so I just sat quietly and waited for the nightmare to end.

When it was all said and done Oliver and I said our goodnights with plans to meet again soon. Alexander pecked me on the lips and told me mockingly, “Thank you for behaving yourself, Silvia. You’re usually so difficult to deal with, but you were lovely tonight, Sweetie.”

“I always rise to a challenge, Darling,” I kissed him again on the lips just to brass Melissa off. I thought about patting him on the arse as well, but I didn't.

“It was so nice to meet you!” Melissa told me, pretending that she didn’t want to pull my hair out of my head for being a raving bitch, much less for kissing her man on the mouth twice, “We need to get together soon!”

“Oh, aye, that’s likely as these two are brothers! Couldn’t get out of that one if we wanted to, yeah?” I didn’t offer her a hug. “Night now!”

I walked out of the room and left my husband on his own to say a proper goodnight.

“Good Lord, Silvia, what was that display of hostility?” Oliver asked about thirty seconds later when he came out the door, “Have you lost your manners completely? You were so rude!”

“What?” I asked innocently, walking down the steps to the front door, “I hate her.”

“You just met her!” He caught up to me in the foyer and held the door for me as he drew the keys from his front pocket.