Oliver and I looked at each other.

Alexander stood, “It’s no problem, Mel,” He said mildly going to the door. He took the bag from her hand and kissed her lightly, then turned back to us, “Oliver and Silvia, this is Melissa. My wife.”

I think my jaw may have dropped, but I was not sure if it was because Alexander was married or because of the way this girl looked. She was unbelievably gorgeous. She stood just above Alex‘s shoulder, possessed a ridiculously small waist, had ample bosoms, straight blonde hair to the middle of her back, large, round blue eyes and a heavy, pouting mouth. She looked as though he’d yanked her off the front of a bloody magazine.

“You wife?” Oliver stood up with a start, “Well…” Oliver was almost never at a loss for words, but at that moment he stammered, “Alexander! You mentioned her a thousand times, but you failed to tell me you’d married her already! Although I had a feeling,” He gave his brother a somewhat dirty look, then smiled broadly at the woman before us, “Well, come here then, Melissa!” He opened his arms, “Welcome to the family! It’s fantastic to finally meet you!”

“Oh my God! Oliver!” She looked terribly excited as she sort of tip toed over to him. She met his embrace, “I feel like I know you! You look just like Alex! Just like him! I can’t believe you’re here…or I’m here…or whatever!” She sounded like she had lost her mind. She stepped away from Oliver, “And Silvia! I’ve heard so much about you, too!”

I stood up not knowing whether I should hug her or hold out my hand, but Melissa knew exactly what she was going to do and threw her arms around me. It was an odd little clasp, warm at first, but then felt like she really didn’t want to touch me or do it at all. Her cheek was hot against mine. “Alex says such fantastic things about you! He’s always telling me how smart and funny you are,” She pulled away from me and took a moment to look me in the face. As she did her smile faded subtly, “And beautiful, too, I see.”

I had an impulse to give her a push. A great, hard push. So hard that she flipped backwards over the coffee table and crashed on to the sofa.

“Well…wow!” Was all I could sputter.

There was an awkward silence from the twins as she and I stared each other up and down. I was certain that I could kick her arse in two seconds. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d ever beaten up a snobby bitch.

“So what’s to eat?” Oliver asked to break the tension, “I worked all day and I’m starved!”

“I made meatloaf,” She was really unbelievably attractive as she spoke, moving back to Alexander like a swan across water. “I hope you both like meatloaf!”

Oliver looked at me, “Is he serious?” His eyes asked. His crooked grin said, “She’s a complete disaster!”

“I hate her,” I told him telepathically, “Tell your brother to send her packing!”

“Meatloaf?” Oliver asked, smiling, as he turned to Alexander and his new sister in law. He could always read my mind. I should have known he would be amused by my disapproval.

Melissa looked at Alex searchingly. “Oh,” She explained, “It’s like a loaf of bread, but made of meat…”

Alex saw the look on our faces, “That doesn’t sound as good as it is. It’s fantastic.”

“We know what it is, don’t we, Dickhead?” Oh, a stab! She truly was from out of town if she didn’t think we had meatloaf in the United Kingdom. I adored that man, my husband. He covered his insult quickly with a compliment, “It smells like heaven, yeah?” Oliver rubbed his hands together quickly and grinned at his new sister in law, “Is it done, Melissa?”

“Yes, it’s done,” She looked a little confused by Oliver’s remark, but was quickly won over by his charm. Oliver had that same quality as Edmond to make you feel immediately welcome and at home, “I just have to warm the bread. I would have made the bread myself, but I couldn’t find the right kind of yeast,” She spoke over her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen.

“You’re not going to find the right anything around here,” Oliver said as he followed her, “In Newtown, if you look maybe, but not here. “

We all gathered around the tiny table in Alexander’s tiny kitchen. Melissa doled out thick slices of meatloaf and mash on to each of our plates, “I hope you like it,” She said honestly. Her breasts were so large I thought they were going to go straight into Oliver's food as she leaned across him. He leaned back and stifled a laugh, “It’s Alexander’s favourite thing I cook,” She continued as she moved on to me, “Which is really nice because it’s so easy to make.”

“I'm sure it wonderful,” I mumbled, watching my husband cover his face with his hand. He shook a bit and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. He didn't dare look at me or Alex lest he burst out with a snort. He pursed his lips and got himself under control as he dug a fork into his meat.

“This is bloody fantastic!” Oliver hadn’t even swallowed yet. His eyes got wide and he covered his mouth. He made a grab for his cider, “Christ! It’s hot!”

“It is good,” I said quietly, “So when did you two get married?”

“Just before we came home,” Alexander set his knife down, reaching for his wife's hand, “Melissa wanted her mother to be at the wedding.”

I nodded. I didn’t say what I was thinking, which was that I was bothered that Oliver and I were not there and his “surprise” sucked. “I’m sure your mother would have liked to have been there as well. Tell me, how did the two of you meet?”

“Well, we met at the university…” She began.

“You’ve an architect then?” I had the feeling she had never read a book in her life.

“Uh no,” She fluttered her long, curled lashes. Her eyes were exactly the colour of deep blue sapphires and they bored into mine, a sort of dare. I wanted to thump her right in the face. Oliver looked at me sideways and hid another smile. Melissa continued, “I was there to see my sister in a play.”

“Is she an actress?”

“She wants to be.”

“What about you? Are you an actress?” I held her eye, blinking casually, “You look like an actress.”

“Me?” She laughed. It was fake, “No. I used to do some modelling, but…”

“But what? Too many blondes on the runway? Did one knock you off?” I was getting myself worked up into a right fist fight. Oliver sniggered, but Alexander looked at me as if I’d gone mental. I took a bite of meatloaf into my mouth and chewed it carefully.

“No, I didn’t like it.”

“Too much competition?

“Not really.”

“Did you attend university at all then?” I changed the discussion, refusing to take my eyes off of her. I could see her begin to squirm. I'd always had a talent for that. “The Evil Eye”, I'd been told I had more than once. It was the ability to stare at a person and actually make them feel my presence by just looking. It made most people incredibly uncomfortable and it was working like a charm on Melissa. Easy pickings. I’d dealt with bigger and nastier spoiled brats than her at Bennington. It had been awhile since I’d had an all-out bitch contest, but she was going to be a breeze. Melissa was a snack compared to some I’d faced and I’d only had to hit two of them. The others I’d simply intimidated into submission.

“For a while.” Her resolve was failing. She dropped her eyes.

“What did you read?”

She hesitated, “What do you mean?”

“Read. At university. What did you read?”

Melissa looked completely confused. “As in books?”

Oliver hid his smile behind his fork.

Alex cleared his throat, “She means what did you study.”

“Oh! I was an English Major.”

“Linguistics or just English?” I asked.

“English.”

“Then you must be a teacher. It’s about all you can do with a degree in English these days,” I flipped my fork in my hand like a baton.

“I actually didn’t finish that degree.”

I was not overwhelmed with desperate shock, “Really? Did you fail out?”