to be available for the first team in a few weeks. We have very strong and motivated defenders, and

he’s definitely one of them.”

What about the reactions from the stands?

“The same rules apply like always. Football is a sport with...how shall we put it...its own

unique character and we accept that, but only up to a certain point. You might have noticed the

continuous support from many Kinbridge Town supporters for Daniël and Steve. And by far, not all

fans from our opponents express themselves in an inappropriate manner regarding this subject.”

There has been a remarkable progress in the club’s performances during the past five years,

you’re not afraid that might come to a sudden halt after this?

“Why should it? KTFC has now established itself firmly at the top half of the table and we’re

hungry for more. You gentlemen and ladies might have noticed that we are part of a very strong

competition. And we play to win.”

Mr Kirkby, a word about Daniël Borghart from the captain?

“A hard worker, nice lad, too. Great talent. We’re looking forward to his full return.”

You know what we’re really asking. Now that you know, does it make a difference?

“I assume you’re referring to the dressing room? Steve has been part of our team for five

years, and none of us had any idea about him. You know him, quiet sort of guy. Sweetest bloke ever,

but quiet. I had no idea about Dan either. They never gave us any reason to suspect anything. Why

should we get nervous all of a sudden? With permission, but I don’t think Dan’s very interested in our

naked behinds. During training, he’s almost too fanatical. Totally focussed on the job. I mean, that boy

really wants to return to work. Afterwards, he’s behaving like a lovesick puppy who can’t wait to get

to his fiancé. You bet we make fun of him about that. But seriously, during the months when Steve

was recovering from the attack, we saw a side of Dan we don’t see too often with anyone. He made a

huge impression on all of us. Both of them did.”

Mr Degaré, you were the first to be informed about what had happened to Steve?

“I was, yes. It was a moment I will never forget. Some things you hope you never have to deal

with. I have given it much thought, talked about it with madame Degaré, with friends and colleagues

and I still don’t understand it. Why this murderous aggression towards a loyal servant of the club from

those who claimed to be fans? Everyone who has seen him play know he gave nothing but his best for

Kinbridge Town; a self-sacrificing defender who always played with the interest of the team in mind,

and a gentleman to his fans. Surprise, perhaps even shock, that’s to be expected. I’m aware we would

have been dealing with some potential problems once you guys would have found out about Steve and

Daniël, but this? I think I can guess what the next question might be. The answer is no, without the

passport photo in Steve’s wallet, I wouldn’t have known about them. They were both nothing but

professional in their conduct on and off the pitch. But when that photo was shown to me, there wasn’t

a doubt in my mind what I had to do.”

Mr Gavan, what happened that night?

What happened?

“I...don’t know ...”

Daniël’s hand resting on his. “I’m here.”

The cameras will show him saying the words, will show their hands. The sound will be

recorded. The words will be jotted down too (in case the recorders fail). Strangers will watch and

judge. Will pity them. Will not understand. Will cry. Will curse. Will still have doubts. Will deny.

Will believe they are somehow part of this, of them. This is the price he and Daniël have to pay for an

illusion of peace.

He talks. The words are like lumps in his throat, no water pitcher can ever be filled enough to

drink it all away. But he talks.

A long, long time ago, so long it can’t be measured with any instrument, though some will say

it’s hardly more than half a year, a man, not very young and not very old, went for a walk. That man,

you have to know, was so very much in love with a younger man from a faraway country that he could

see nothing but beauty in everything around him …

“Daniël was spending a few days with his parents, who came over from Holland. I wanted to

think about my future. I wondered if it could be our future. So I decided to take a walk before I went

home. I didn’t pay attention to where I was going.”

But not everything was beautiful and some ugly monsters, no, the facts are what they are,

human beings, just like the man who was in love, didn’t want to believe that love ...

He had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s the bitter truth of it. It wasn’t

about what he was, about whom he loved, but all about what they thought he was doing.

“I wasn’t aware of what was happening in that park, what kind of place it was, until it was too

late. It’s not for me to judge others, but...sorry...not my thing. I’m too old-fashioned I guess. I didn’t

run away because I couldn’t believe anyone would think I had anything to do with those cruising men.

I still have trouble understanding why anyone would even want to...sorry...I guess I’m a bit naive in

these matters...sorry ...”

And those men? They weren’t there for the first time it seems.

“They were out to beat people up, the men with their nailed boots. But they were used to

everyone always running away. That’s what I heard them say. And then someone didn’t run away.

Someone they recognised and admired. How could I have known?”

Does his hand tremble? Or is it Daniël’s?

Daniël spoke as he squeezed his hand, “All of you must have seen the pictures, the video. What

more do you expect him to say?”

What are your plans for the future, Mr Gavan?

Next question. Next. Next. There must be plans, things to do, to achieve. They’ve already seen

death on his face by simply downloading a video from the internet; that has to be so much more

interesting than anything he could possibly tell.

“Getting married, doing my exercises, having a few more operations, learning to read and write

again as well as I can.”

If we can return to the men who ran away without warning you? What are your thoughts about

them?

“I have no thoughts about them; none at all.”

And the men ...

Daniël sounded like he tried to hide his irritation as he spoke again: “Honestly, what do you

expect him to say? Or me?”

What do you feel will be the effects of your coming out on professional football?

This one, too, is for Daniël to answer.

“I didn’t come out. Neither of us did.”

Disbelieving laughter from the journalists.

“Do you come out as heterosexual when you defend your wife or girlfriend against the vilest

slander? When you hold her hand to show support and affection?”

But you have to admit ...

“I speak for me, for us, and for no one else. We’re nobody’s role models, or how do you call it.

And we never will be. But we’re no longer being so-called discreet, like we’re talking about some

embarrassing disease or a dirty secret. We’re as private with our private lives as the captain or the

manager, or any of you. Nothing less, nothing more. It’s really simple. I love Steve, Steve loves me.

As long as a club wants me, I’ll play football. If it comes down to there’s no place for someone like

me in high-level professional football, like it has always been said, I’ll find something else to support

myself and my husband.”

Do you know of other gay players in the league?

“You all remember the one that got destroyed by it, more than ten years ago. Or you should. It