Sometime around midnight, Zack finally came up from the basement and closed the door quietly behind him. I looked up as he approached, but I didn’t say anything. I still wasn’t sure how he felt about what I’d done.

“A warning would have been preferable,” he said, but gave me a smile as he dropped into the chair across from me.

Relieved, I returned his smile with a wry one of my own. “I was afraid that a warning would give either of you a chance to escape.” I shrugged. “And I figured it was time.”

“Time for Jill, perhaps,” he said. “It was not ideal for me.”

I angled my head, regarded him. “When would it have been ideal?”

He sighed, passed a hand over his face. “With warning, in a day or two. Still not ideal, but not detrimental. And yes,” he said with a faint nod as if reading my thoughts, “I could have refused today, but then where would that have left Jill?” Regret flickered in his eyes. “Hurting more.”

Spreading my hands on the table, I carefully mulled over his words. “I honestly didn’t know how you’d react to my pushing the issue,” I admitted. “You haven’t allowed me into your thought processes and plans lately. And, at that point, I was more concerned about Jill.” I took a deeper breath. “That said, I apologize for putting undue stress on you.”

He regarded me in silence, for long enough that I began to conclude he wasn’t going to respond at all. But then he laid a hand on top of mine. “You are right,” he said quietly.

Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how scared I was that he might reject me. I sucked in a ragged breath that was perilously close to a sob and turned my hand over to clasp his. “When you talked about Ryan, the real Ryan, something broke inside me,” I said. “I see Szerain coming out more and more, and I tell myself I know Ryan’s not real, that he’s only an overlay, but I couldn’t make myself believe that he’d be going away.” My throat tightened. “But now I know he will. Someday, probably not too far off, Ryan will be gone. He’ll really be dead.” I felt tears slide down my face. “And I’m sitting here watching my best friend die, and he doesn’t even know it.” I was crying in earnest now as I looked up at Zack. “Promise me,” I said almost desperately. “Promise me you’ll let me say goodbye to him before . . . he’s gone forever. Please.” My voice cracked on the last word, and I fell silent.

“Yes, I promise.” His fingers closed around mine. “I am deeply sorry,” he said, sounding as if he was apologizing for more than the current topic.

I gripped his hand while I cried, feeling the full grief of the loss of Ryan for the first time. It wouldn’t be the same with Szerain. It could never be the same. I struggled to get a hold of myself before Bryce heard me bawling and came to investigate, but it was a lost cause.

Keeping a firm hold on my hand, Zack stood, tugged me to my feet and led me out to the back porch. As soon as the door closed behind us, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

And then I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I clung to him as I sobbed into his chest and let it all out. He held me, somehow giving me the comfort of being enfolded in wings even though he was most certainly in human form.

Gradually, I quieted to sniffles, though I kept my head leaned against him.

“It is unfair and unjust,” he said gently. “And, from my perspective, the opposite.”

“The opposite?” I tipped my head back to look into his face. “I don’t understand.”

“Ryan masks the one I know,” he said. “The one I . . .” He exhaled, troubled sadness in his eyes. “The one I know.”

“Oh, I see.” It was, indeed, the opposite viewpoint of mine. “I don’t understand why you can’t be his ptarl.”

He went eerily still, barely seemed to even breathe.

“Zack?” I said, worried. “Did I say something wrong?”

His eyes met mine. “No, Kara Gillian, you said something very right.”

“You mean about becoming Szerain’s ptarl? I mean, his ptarl is gone, and it seems like he could sure as hell use one.”

“Yes, he could,” he agreed, tension whispering across his face before he shook his head. “Though we both are bound elsewhere with bonds that serve none.”

I fell silent for a moment, turning all of that over in my head before speaking. “A bond—any bond—should be a benefit to both parties,” I stated. “If it isn’t, then one of the parties is a parasite.”

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. I felt a tremor pass through his body. He was already stressed to the nines, and I wasn’t exactly helping matters right now. Maybe time for me to ease up on the dude for a while.

I sniffled. “Sheesh, I’m all puffy-faced and red-nosed now.” I gave him a squeeze, then pulled away. “Jill said she was considering moving in. You got through to her.”

He smiled softly. “Like you said, there were some past issues she needed to face. I can’t say they aren’t a factor anymore, but I don’t think they’ll keep her from making the right decision. And she almost smiled at the idea of a double-wide mobile home rather than an RV.”

“You know just how to charm her.” I yawned and considered going out to the pond to snuggle with Mzatal, but when I extended I felt him sleeping. I didn’t want to risk waking him when he needed the rest so badly. “I’m going to sneak to my bedroom and do my best to sleep the sleep of the righteous.”

“Righteous,” he echoed, faint smile on his mouth. “I suppose there are times when the word suits you.”

“As long as it suits me with about eight hours of sleep.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then returned inside to see how much righteous or unrighteous sleep I could manage.

Chapter 24

A weird tingling sensation rippled through me, jerking me out of a sound sleep. Fully awake, I assessed, realized it was wards I’d laid, triggering. I sat up and focused to determine which wards, dimly aware that it was still dark outside my bedroom window. A glance at my clock told me it was 4:13 a.m.

Another ripple. Jill’s place. I threw off the covers and pelted down the hallway, burst into the kitchen to find Jekki burbling softly by the table and Zack standing stone still, a knife poised over mushrooms on the cutting board.

He had wards at Jill’s house too, I remembered, and was no doubt assessing. I ducked into the utility room to grab jeans, t-shirt and sports bra out of the dryer, tugged them all on while I kept my eyes glued to Zack and waited for him to come out of it.

He finally exhaled, shoulders relaxing. “No immediate danger. No one’s on the property now.”

“What happened?” I demanded. “Do we need to go there? Or was it a new paperboy or something.”

“I don’t know what happened exactly,” he said. “There were two men. It was quick and on the periphery. They’re gone now.”

“I’m going,” I told him. “You coming with me?”

He gave a serious nod. “Give me a sec to get my gear. I’ll meet you at my car.”

I left him to get my own gear, found shoes, buckled on my gun and holster. I felt Mzatal awake and deep in his work with the mini-nexus, seeking Idris, and I asked Jekki to let him know what happened, and that I was going with Zack to check on Jill. He scurried out the back, and I went out the front to pace by the car. A moment later Zack came down the porch steps, phone in hand and expression stone cold.

I headed around to the passenger side of the car. “You don’t want her going out into something dangerous,” I said. “You should call her and tell her to stay inside.”

Zack slid smoothly into the driver’s seat and passed the phone over to me after I got in. “Make the call?” he asked, starting the car.

I found Jill’s number on his list, called and waited impatiently for her to answer.

“Zack?” she said muzzily.

“No, sugar muffin, it’s Kara. Your sweetie and I are on our way over because something pinged the wards we have around your house. And if you go outside to check, I swear I’ll string you up by your cute little ears. We’ll be there in about—” I was going to say twenty minutes, then took Zack’s demon-enhanced driving into account. “It’ll be about ten minutes.”