Alex: I'm still thinking…

Me: I think my teacher needs to teach me a little more. I learn better in one on one settings.

A couple of minutes went by before he got back to me.

Alex: Hey… text you in a bit. Major Kinsley wants to see me.

For some reason, that last message worried me. It laid ice over my body, freezing me where I stood. Why would the Major want to see him? Had someone leaked something and now he was being confronted with it? I waited, impatiently, on pins and needles, anxiously anticipating his response.

But it never came.

After returning from the restroom, I sat down at one of the outside tables that Dalton, Lane, and Hutchins found, awaiting his reply. I kept checking my phone, lying about wanting to make sure that we gave ourselves enough time to eat and walk back to the schoolhouse, but I was secretly wanting to see another text pop up from Alex.

Maybe he had gotten tied up with something and couldn't respond, but the longer I went with nothing coming back from him, the more impatient I became. I wanted to believe anything other than trouble lurked about, but my mind wouldn't let me. Was he in there being read his rights, and I would be next?  Whatever the case, the thought of it was nauseating, and that was the last thing I needed to do was rile suspicion with unsuspecting people sitting around me.

When we were back at the schoolhouse, I stood outside next to the only pillar that even hinted at a piece of shade. Dalton stood next to me, rambling on about something that I paid no attention to. I glanced down at my phone a few more times, hoping that Alex had responded, and I had somehow missed it.

Still nothing.

I blew out a breath, letting it take my frustrations away, when a new set of annoyances came charging at me. Allen was bragging about being the top scorer on the test. He and his pompous attitude were enough, but now that he'd done something that warranted his overly boisterous bragging, I couldn't deal with it any longer.

I walked away, pinching the bridge of my nose. When I looked up, Alex, Jensen and Newsome were walking up, Castillo not far behind. They were patting Alex on the shoulder and smiling as they walked along.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," I said out of necessity because not speaking to passing instructors would give Castillo, or even Jensen, ammunition to tear into me. It was also to catch Alex's attention. My voice came out much weaker than I had intended. Jensen and Newsome nodded their heads, acknowledging my greeting. Alex turned his head but gave nothing in return.

 I stepped to the side, Castillo's eyes landing on mine. They were dipped in just the perfect amount of venom, trying hard to intimidate me, but I stood my ground, giving it back without being too obvious.

"Good afternoon to you too, Pfc. Bennett," she coldly greeted, the acid in her tone much too obvious.

I wanted to roll my eyes and turn and walk away from her, but the uniform I currently wore prohibited me from doing it. "Good afternoon to you as well, Sgt. Castillo." I couldn't wait to spit her name out. The feel of it rolling off my tongue put a bad taste in my mouth.

She sneered, grinning in such a pretentious manner as she stood with the guys, knowing full well that she was getting under my skin for a reason that couldn't be discussed out in the open. Annoyance took over, leaving my chest in a rampant, heaving mess. It was all I could do to release a bit of steam while still keeping my composure for any unwary eyes.

I looked to Alex, giving him a covert smile, but he simply looked through me as if I didn't exist.

My heart fell. I’d hoped he would look back, give me something to show that he had to put up an act around his colleagues, but he never did. I hated myself for feeling so much with that one little act, but if I had learned anything about nothing to do with me.

I walked back into the classroom dreading the second half of the day. Being encased in four walls with him and his sudden and erratic change in demeanor wasn't a pleasant thought. And I was right. The rest of the day had a very stale aura to it. When I left, he still hadn't looked at me, still hadn't sent any signals to me. I might as well have been just another student in the class to him because that was exactly what I felt like. 

Chapter 15

Alex

Avoiding Cassie was harder than I’d imagined.

 I thought for sure that if I told myself I could stay away from her, act like she had no effect on me and treat her like any other female Marine, that it'd get done.  Quite the opposite happened.

I was trying to get back on track since I'd been told that I was picked as NCO of the Quarter, and within that brief, minuscule minute, all of my indiscretions came roaring back at me like a rabid animal.

My mind replayed pictures of her. Her heart melting smile, her beautiful, naked body in my hands, those beaming green eyes…

All of it flashed through my head in a continuous cycle that was silently destroying me, but I had to stick to my guns. The more I thought about what we had progressed to, the more I realized just how wrong it all was.

I took my eyes off the ball because I was hell bent on getting a taste of something overly enticing. I should have followed my first instinct to just avoid her because now I was stuck with the fucking guilt of deviating from the Corps, my driving force in life, and putting myself in a predicament that would leave me emotionally exhausted no matter which way I turned.

I'd gotten all of Cassie that I could have ever wanted, and she certainly did not disappoint, but that wasn't the point. The point was that following the needs and wants of my dick, no matter how persuasive it could be, hadn't done me a bit of good. In fact, it had gotten me into more trouble than I'd probably seen in my entire childhood combined.

But I couldn't find the strength to just wash my hands and walk the fuck away.

I lay on my bed late Wednesday night, sifting through the text messages she'd sent me throughout the week with no response. As badly as I wanted to respond, I just couldn’t do it because by responding, I was thrusting myself back into the same spot that had mind fucked me, had ripped my integrity away, and left me worthless.

Cassie: Hey! Is everything okay?

Cassie: Text me to let me know you're good.

Cassie: Ignoring me through text and in person is so cool of you. Not sure what I did, but you shut down quickly. WTF?

Cassie: Well, thanks for being a prick, Alex.

The self-restraint I had somehow lost the second my eyes landed on Cassie had come back to me. As much as I wanted to respond, to even pick up the phone, call her, hear her soft and sensual voice, or even just listen to the light breaths leaving her delectable mouth, I just couldn’t do it.

Had I been everything I was supposed to be since meeting her? Fuck no. I had turned into quite the opposite, and I had no choice but to find myself, the old Alex, the overly motivated and gung-ho Alex, who let nothing come between me and the mission. Never before had I been tempted to such extremes and failed so miserably.

So why was finding myself killing me in the process? Had I become someone else? The answers to those questions didn't come easily. They played with my head, dangling me over a cliff, threatening to drop me with no help in sight. I was lost…lost without a soul around to help me through it.