I strode into the river. The solid, sandy bottom quickly gave way to an oozing muck that sucked at my feet. The water rose to my chest, and with another step, to my chin. "Oh, Bethesda!" I whispered. Rushes swayed in the warm breeze. Sunlight glinted on the water. The placid face of the Nile gave no indication of concern for my fate, or the fate of any mortal; yet at the same time the river seemed to welcome me. Its warm darkness offered solace; its vastness offered an end to mortal vanity; its agelessness offered a doorway to eternity.

Another step, and the water rose above my head. I opened my eyes. The water was murky and green, but the surface above me was like a vast sheet of hammered silver. I opened my mouth to draw the Nile deep into my lungs. A burning fullness flowed into my chest. The silver canopy above me was extinguished. The murky water turned black.

I felt hands upon me. Out of the black murk a face appeared. Cassandra's face! No-the face of Bethesda, her features as soft and smooth as when I first met her in Alexandria. She put her mouth upon mine. Her kiss drew the Nile from my lungs and took my breath away…

I opened my eyes, blinking to expel drops of water from my lashes. I lay upon my back on a sandy riverbank. A canopy of leaves shivered overhead; they appeared to be made of silver. The sky beyond was an unearthly shade of purple shot with streaks of aquamarine and vermilion.

I felt the warmth of a body next to mine; someone lay beside me on the sand. She stirred and rose on one elbow to look down at me.

"Bethesda!" I whispered, and coughed a little. The taste of the Nile was on my tongue.

"Husband," she whispered, in a voice full of love and tenderness. She kissed me.

"Bethesda, where are we?"

She frowned. "Are you so confused, Husband, that you don't remember walking into the Nile?"

"Yes, but… are we alive-or dead?"

"Does it matter? We're together."

"Yes, but… are we immortal yet?"

She laughed. I had not heard her laugh that way, so carefree and relaxed, in a long time. "Don't be silly, Husband. Isn't the answer obvious?"

"Not entirely." The sky above me did not look like any sky I could remember. Or was that strange palette of colors simply a phenomenon caused by a meeting of sunlight, sea mist, and a nearby sandstorm? "Where have you been all this time, Bethesda?"

She smiled. "For now, let me ask the questions. Has my granddaughter been born yet?"

"Yes! Diana wrote me a letter-but how did you know it was a girl?"

She shrugged. "A lucky guess. I want to see her. We must get back to Rome, as soon as possible."

I smiled. "Then we are alive?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Can't the spirits of the dead go on journeys?" "I suppose." I cocked my head. "I've heard of haunted ships, but I never expected to haunt one myself! Ah, well. When we were young and poor, we found a way to get to Rome; and we shall find a way to get there now. We shall go together." I took her hand in mine. "Let us go home, Bethesda."

"Yes, Husband. Let us go home!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Long after her lifetime, Cleopatra continued and continues to attract acolytes, admirers, enemies, and victims, especially among dramatists and other writers. In Antony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare famously presented the Roman general and the queen as star-crossed lovers. Using the Bard's text (as adapted by Franco Zeffirelli), Samuel Barber composed an opera to inaugurate the Metropolitan Opera House at Lincoln Center in 1966; for his efforts on behalf of the queen, the composer of the immortal Adagio for Strings received a devastating critical reception. George Bernard Shaw gave us his Caesar and Cleopatra, with a kittenish queen later embodied on screen by Vivien Leigh. In the 1960s, Elizabeth Taylor eclipsed all previous (and subsequent) portrayals in the much-maligned film written and directed by Joseph Mankiewicz, whose involvement with the perilous queen caused him even more suffering than that endured by Samuel Barber. No matter how irresistible her allure, one is wise to approach Cleopatra with caution.

Was Cleopatra beautiful? The historian Dio is unequivocal; this is the translation by Herbert Baldwin Foster: She was a woman of surpassing beauty, especially conspicuous at that time because in the prime of youth, with a most delicious voice and a knowledge of how to make herself agreeable to everyone. Being brilliant to look upon and to listen to, with a power to subjugate even a cold-natured or elderly person, she thought that she might prove exactly to Caesar's tastes and reposed in her beauty all her claims to advancement.

Plutarch, in his Life of Antony, equivocates only slightly; this is the Dryden translation: Her beauty in itself was not so remarkable that none could be compared with her, or that no one could see her without being struck by it, but the contact of her presence was irresistible; the attraction of her person, joining with the charm of her conversation, and the character that attended all she said or did, was something bewitching.

Unfortunately, we have few images of Cleopatra by which to judge her beauty with our own eyes. Crude coin portraits offer something close to caricature, and the only bust of Cleopatra accepted as genuine, that in the Vatican, is missing its nose. Andre Malraux said, "Nefertiti is a face without a queen; Cleopatra is a queen without a face."

When I came to study Cleopatra in earnest, my childhood images of her, inspired by the glamorous Elizabeth Taylor portrayal, eventually faded, and I found myself confronted by a profoundly problematic personality. By twenty-first-century supermodel standards, Cleopatra may or may not have been beautiful; but her psyche, by modern standards, was decidedly not pretty. Having been raised to become an absolute ruler, in ruthless competition with her siblings for the affections of their father, the patriarch of an incestuous clan, Cleopatra, one may safely say, came from a dysfunctional family. Just as her father murdered his rebellious eldest daughter, Berenice, so Cleopatra, having eliminated with Caesar's help her brother-husband, Ptolemy, would eventually murder her other siblings, Arsinoe and the younger Ptolemy. We can only wonder at the distorted psychology that created and was created by such violence. There is the added complication that Cleopatra may quite seriously have considered herself to be at least semidivine. If she were to appear among the glitterati of today, I think we might conservatively classify her as mad, bad, and dangerous to know.

Indeed, the more I study all the dominant individuals of this period-including Pompey and Caesar-the more I am reminded of a comment by the writer L. Sprague de Camp, who, in a different context (reviewing the fantasy novels of E. R. Eddison), wrote: In short, Eddison's "great men," even the best of them, are cruel, arrogant bullies. One may admire, in the abstract, the indomitable courage, energy, and ability of such rampant egotists. In the concrete, however, they are like the larger carnivora, best admired with a set of stout bars between them and the viewer.

We have only a vague idea of what Cleopatra looked like; we have no image whatsoever of her brother King Ptolemy. We are not even certain of his age at the time of Caesar's arrival; I have made him fifteen, the oldest age postulated by historians. When writers or filmmakers have bothered to deal with Ptolemy at all, the portrait is not flattering; Mankiewicz cast the boy-king as a petulant brat dominated by the eunuch Pothinus, whom he cast as a simpering queen. But why should we assume that Ptolemy was any less beautiful or charismatic than his elder sister, or that the spell he cast upon Caesar was any less profound? As one of history's losers, Cleopatra was vilified and marginalized by those who triumphed over her. We may assume that the same was done to Ptolemy. Between the lines of Caesar's The Civil War is the story of a curious triangular relationship that must have developed between the Roman conqueror and the sibling-spouses amid the hothouse intrigues of their confinement in the palace compound at Alexandria. In this novel, Ptolemy's parting words of love and devotion to Caesar are lifted word for word from Caesar's own account. What did the siblings feel for each other, what did they feel for Caesar, and what did Caesar feel for them in return? It seems to me that historians, blinded by their fascination with Cleopatra (and by the mores of their own times), have ignored the untold story of the decisions, political and personal, that faced Caesar in his struggle to settle affairs of state-and affairs of the heart-in Egypt.