RODERICK

Is it a towel of your wife's washing, Mr. Toole? I'm told she wiped your face often with one.

LINK-BOY

(whispers)

Ask him why he wouldn't see her yesterday, when she came to the ship.

RODERICK (V.O.)

And so I put to him some other foolish jokes about soapsuds, hen-pecking, and flat-irons, which set the man into a fury, and succeeded in raising a quarrel between us.

Roderick and Toole fight with cudgels. Roderick gives him a thump across his head which lays him lifeless on the floor.

RODERICK (V.O.)

This victory over the cock of the vile dunghill obtained me respect among the wretches among whom I formed part.

RODERICK (V.O.)

Our passage was very favorable, and in two days we landed at Cuxhaven, and before I had been a month in the Electorate, I was transported into a tall and proper young soldier, and, having a natural aptitude for military exercise, was soon as accomplished at the drill as the oldest sergeant in the regiment.

Various cuts.

Roderick learning the soldierly arts, musket drill, manual of arms, bayonet, marching.

The Cuxhaven troops are drawn up to receive a new regiment, arrived from England.

Roderick sees, marching at the head of his company, his old friend, Captain Grogan, who gives him a wink.

RODERICK (V.O.)

Six weeks after we arrived in Cuxhaven, we were reinforced by Gales regiment of foot from England, and I promise you the sight of Grogan's face was most welcome to me, for it assured me that a friend was near me.

Roderick and Grogan.

RODERICK (V.O.)

Grogan gave me a wink of recognition, but offered no public token of acquaintance and it was not until two days afterwards that he called me into his quarters, and then, shaking hands with me cordially, gave me news which I wanted, of my family.

CAPTAIN GROGAN

I had news of you in Dublin. Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son, but I think you could not do better than as you have done. But why did you not write home to your poor mother? She has sent half-a-dozen letters to you in Dublin.

RODERICK

I suppose she addressed them to me in my real name, by which I never thought to ask for them at the post office.

CAPTAIN GROGAN

We must write to her today, and you can tell her that you are safe and married to "Brown Bess."

Roderick sighs when Grogan says the word "married," on which Grogan says with a laugh:

CAPTAIN GROGAN

I see you are thinking of a certain young lady at Duganstown.

RODERICK

Is Miss Dugan well?

CAPTAIN GROGAN

There's only six Miss Dugans now... poor Dorothy.

RODERICK

Good heavens! Whatever? Has she died of grief?

CAPTAIN GROGAN

She took on so at your going away that she was obliged to console herself with a husband. She is now Mrs. John Best.

RODERICK

Mrs. John Best! Was there another Mr. John Best?!

CAPTAIN GROGAN

No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you think the Dugans would let you kill fifteen hundred a-year out of the family? The plan of the duel was all arranged in order to get you out of the way, for the cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry from fear of you. But hit him you certainly did, Roderick, and with a fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so frightened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she made.

RODERICK

The coward!

CAPTAIN GROGAN

He has paid off your uncle's mortgage. He gave Dorothy a coach-and-six. That coward of a fellow has been making of your uncle's family. Faith, the business was well done. Your cousins, Michael and Harry, never let him out of their sight, though he was for deserting to England, until the marriage was completed, and the happy couple off on their road to Dublin. Are you in want of cash, my boy? You may draw upon me, for I got a couple of hundred out of Master Best for my share and, while they last, you shall never want.

Roderick on the march.

RODERICK (V.O.)

Our regiment, which was quartered about Stade and Luneberg, speedily had got orders to march southwards towards the Rhine, where we would fight the famous battle of Minden. It would require a greater philosopher and historian than I am to explain the causes of the famous Seven Years' War in which Europe was engaged, and, indeed, its origin has always appeared to me to be so complicated, and the books written about it so amazingly hard to understand, that I have seldom been much wiser at the end of a chapter than at the beginning, and so shall not trouble you with any personal disquisitions concerning the matter.

Various cuts featuring Roderick; marching, cooking at open fires, gambling, resting in a farm yard, officers riding by; shivering in his blanket.

Roderick and his company.

RODERICK (V.O.)

Were these memoirs not characterized by truth, I might easily make myself the hero of some strange and popular adventures.

Officers ride by in smoke. Troops marching to the attack.

RODERICK (V.O.)

But I saw no one of the higher ranks that day than my colonel and a couple of orderly officers riding by in the smoke -- no one on our side, that is. A poor corporal is not generally invited into the company of commanders and the great.

Roderick advancing.

RODERICK (V.O.)

But, in revenge, I saw, I promise you, some very good company on the French part, for their regiments of Lorraine and Royal Cravate were charging us all day; and in the sort of melee high and low are pretty equally received. I hate bragging, but I cannot help saying that I made a very close acquaintance with the colonel of the Cravates.

Roderick firing his musket. He bayonets a French colonel, amidst shouts and curses.

RODERICK (V.O.)

And finished off a poor little ensign, so young, slender, and small, that a blow from my pigtail would have dispatched him.

Roderick kills a French ensign with a blows from the butt of his musket.

RODERICK (V.O.)

And in the poor ensign's pocket found a purse of fourteen louis d'or, and a silver box of sugar­plums, of which the former present was very agreeable to me.

Roderick taking money and the box of sugar-plums from the ensign.

RODERICK (V.O.)

If people would tell their stories of battles in this simple way, I think the cause of truth would not suffer by it. All I know of this famous fight of Minden, except from books, is told here above.

Captain Grogan is shot, cries out, and falls.

A brother captain turns to Lieutenant Lakenham.

CAPTAIN

Grogan's down; Lakenham, there's your company.

RODERICK (V.O.)

That was all the epitaph my brave patron got.

Roderick kneels above Grogan.

CAPTAIN GROGAN

I should have left you a hundred guineas, Roderick, but for a cursed run of ill-luck last night at faro.

He gives Roderick a faint squeeze of the hand; and, as the word is given to advance, Roderick leaves him.