"I had already been beaten once for insolence," Clare said. "And I knew it would happen again and again. I never found the MacBain soldiers; and by the time I gave up my search, it was getting dark. I stayed in an abandoned cropper's cottage all night. Dear God, I was afraid. I was terrified of going back to the MacInnes keep and terrified not to," she added. "They found me the next morning." Clare was holding onto Johanna's hand with such a strong grip, she was bruising the skin.
"You felt helpless, didn't you?"
"Oh, yes," Clare answered. "I still hadn't thought up the lie though. Three months went by, and then one morning the laird announced he'd decided to move up the marriage date. Robert and I were to be wed the following Saturday."
Clare's voice was hoarse from strain and weeping. Johanna was going to get up to fetch her a drink of water, but Clare wouldn't let go of her hand.
"My lie wasn't planned ahead of time," she said. "I gathered my courage and stood up to Robert. I told him I would never marry him. He went into a rage. He's a possessive man, and jealous. I knew he wouldn't want me if he believed I had willingly given myself to another man. I remembered the MacBain soldiers who had crossed the border, remembered, too, the MacInnes' soldiers fear of your laird, and that is when I came up with the lie. I knew what I did was wrong and I'm sorry I lied to you. You have been so kind to me, Johanna. Hilda told me what you did to Robert. I wish your arrow had pierced his black heart. Dear God, how I hate him. I hate all men, even my father."
"You have sound reason to despise Robert," Johanna said. "In time you'll get past your hatred. You might even begin to pity the man."
"I'm not so forgiving."
"Clare, I know you aren't in the mood to listen to me, but I still must instruct you not to blame the majority of men for the sins of a few."
"Didn't you hate your first husband?"
Johanna sighed. "Yes," she admitted. "But I didn't hate all men. My father, if he'd been alive, would have protected me from Raulf. I would have found sanctuary with him. My brother, Nicholas, came to my rescue once he became aware of what was going on."
"Once he became aware? Didn't you tell him after the first beating?"
"It's difficult to explain, Clare," Johanna replied. "Raulf wasn't like Robert, and I was much, much younger then.
The beatings didn't start right after we were wed. He set about destroying my confidence first. I was naive, and frightened, too, and when you are called ignorant and unworthy over and over again by someone who is supposed to love and protect you, well, in time a part of you will begin to believe some of the nonsense. I didn't tell my brother because I was too ashamed. I kept thinking I would make it better. I never believed I deserved such foul treatment, and eventually I came to realize Raulf was never going to change. That is when I knew I had to find a way to leave. I would have gone to Nicholas, but as it turned out, it wasn't necessary. My husband was killed."
Johanna paused to take a calming breath. "You wouldn't hate Nicholas if you knew him. He's the reason I married Gabriel," she added. "And you cannot hate my husband. 'Tis the truth I can't imagine how anyone could."
"I don't hate him," Clare said. "He has been protecting me, and I am appreciative. He does frighten me though. You obviously do not notice what a giant of a man he is, m'lady, or that his manner is most… abrupt."
"He can be overwhelming, but only if you let him," Johanna replied, a smile in her voice now. "Clare, you showed incredible courage standing up to Robert. You must have known what would happen. You almost got yourself killed."
"My game is over, isn't it? I'll tell my father the truth. I promise."
"Will he make you go back to MacInnes?"
"I don't know," Clare said. "He wants the alliance."
Johanna felt sick. The thought of the woman being forced back into Robert's grasp was simply too appalling to think about. Only one thing was certain in her mind. She wasn't going to let that happen.
"Don't tell your father the truth just yet," she said. "I must think about this. I cannot allow you to go back. No, I can't let that happen. We will have to put our heads together and come up with a solution."
"Why do you care, m'lady? You put yourself in jeopardy by keeping me. Your compassion will get you into trouble. My father…"
Johanna wouldn't let her finish her protest. "Clare, I believe you've already conquered the most difficult challenge."
"And what was that, Johanna?"
"You were in an untenable position, and you took the most important first step. I wouldn't have chosen your road to freedom, but that doesn't matter now. You got out. Don't you understand? You cannot consider going backward now."
"What happens when my father's soldiers war against the MacBains because of my lie?"
Johanna shook her head. "We will find a way to avert a conflict," she announced.
"How?"
"I don't know… not yet, but you and I are clever. We can find a way to straighten out this mess."
"But why would you put your clan in such a position?"
"I don't believe one must be sacrificed for the other," Johanna said. "I do believe that every woman has a responsibility to look out for the other. When one is in bondage or suffering, then aren't all of us?"
Johanna knew she wasn't making any sense. It was difficult for her to put her feelings into a coherent explanation. "Women are looked down upon by some men. There are members of our church who consider us inferior. God doesn't, though. Remember that one important truth, Clare. It took me a long while to understand. Men make the rules, not women. They tell us they are interpreting God's views, and we are supposed to be naive enough to believe them. We are not so inferior." Her voice was filled with conviction now. "As women, we must try to stand together… like sisters, and when we see an injustice, we damned well should try to interfere. Together… if there are enough of us united, we can help. Attitudes can be changed."
"And where do we start? With our sons?"
"We start by helping each other now," Johanna explained. "Later, when we have sons and daughters, we teach them to love and honor one another. We are all made in God's image, men and women alike."
The sound of men coming down the hallway stopped the.
discussion. Clare surprised Johanna, for she didn't look overly afraid. She let go of her hand, straightened her shoulders, and smoothed her covers.
The door was just opening when Clare whispered, "Together."
Johanna nodded and then echoed the promise. "Together."
Chapter 17
Gabriel was the first to enter the chamber. He didn't look happy to see his wife there. He shook his head at her. She pretended she didn't notice.
Father MacKechnie led Laird MacKay into the room. The priest nodded to Johanna before turning his attention to Clare.
"You look a wee bit better today," he announced.
Laird MacKay moved to the side of the priest so he could see his daughter. He started forward, then came to an abrupt stop. "Dear God," he whispered, loud enough for everyone in the chamber to hear.
The sight of his daughter's bruised face made the laird blanch. Johanna had been prepared to dislike the man. He had refused to listen to his daughter's pleas and had forced her to go back to the MacInnes men. Yet his reaction now made Johanna reevaluate her opinion. Perhaps he hadn't realized how horrible Clare's circumstances were.
No, she thought to herself. She wasn't going to give him the benefit of the doubt. She didn't care if she was being uncharitable or worse. In her mind he was just as responsible for Clare's near death as Robert MacInnes was.