II. The Skill Set

7. Do Your Homework

Whom you meet, how you meet them, and what they think of you afterward should not be left to chance. As Winston Churchill would tell us, preparation is — if not the key to genius — then at least the key to sounding like a genius.

Before I meet with any new people I've been thinking of introducing myself to, I research who they are and what their business is. I find out what's important to them: their hobbies, challenges, goals—inside their business and out. Before the meeting, I generally prepare, or have my assistant prepare, a one-page synopsis on the person I'm about to meet. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are.

Sure, you should also be up-to-date on what's happening within the company of a person you want to establish a relationship with. Did the person have a good or bad quarter? Do they have a new product? Trust me, all people naturally care, generally above and beyond anything else, about what it is they do. If you are informed enough to step comfortably into their world and talk knowledgeably, their appreciation will be tangible. As William James wrote: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

These days, doing such research is easy. Here are a few places to start:

• The Internet. Be sure to check out the company's Web site. Use search engines, like Google, to check a person's affiliations. Going to a meeting without Googling someone is unacceptable.

• The public library, where you'll find books, periodicals, magazines, trade journals, etc. Check for articles written by or about the people you intend to meet. If there aren't any, read up on the person's industry or type of job. Most of this can be found online, too.

• Literature from the company's public relations department.

Call and explain that you have a scheduled meeting and would like some background information.

• Annual reports. They'll give you a good idea of where a company is headed and what challenges and opportunities lie ahead.

Setting out to know someone inevitably means understanding what their problems or needs are. At work, it may be their product line. But as you talk with the person, you'll also find out that perhaps their kids are hoping to land an internship, that they themselves have health issues, or they just want to cut strokes off their golf game. The point is, you have to reach beyond the abstract and get to someone as an individual. Find a way to become part of those things that are of most interest to them, and you will have found a way to become part of their life.

Recently, I took part in a roundtable discussion sponsored by the Milken Institute's Global Conference in Los Angeles, an annual three-day gathering that brings together the world's top thinkers and CEOs to work over global problems. There were fifteen participants, each one an executive of a company far bigger than my own.

In many settings, I probably wouldn't have been rubbing elbows with them, but because I had helped organize the conference (always an advantage), I was invited to participate.

The events were planned with a CEO's tight schedule in mind. There was a brief mixer before the event to allow the participants to mingle and get to know one another. Then a panel discussion on the future of marketing, given the challenges facing big brands. Afterward, a short dinner.

In other words, there was about a three-hour window of opportunity where I could hope to establish a foundation for one or two relationships.

A successful conference's agenda is always created to maximize the participants' time. My own goal at such conferences is to maximize the brief windows of opportunity I might get to become intimate with other interesting people I haven't met before.

Food, I find, has a unique ability to facilitate conversation. People are usually open, even eager, to be amused while eating. Meals at conventions, however, are problematic. They're rushed, frenetic affairs that call for gracious, but unobtrusive, small talk. You're never sure where you'll end up sitting. And among strangers, it's usually difficult to focus beyond the people sitting either to your left or right.

And during the panel, people are focused on their own presentations.

That left the mixer. During mixers, I like to hang out near the bar. Virtually everyone gets a drink at some point. Throughout the day, I had also scouted out which rooms the people I wanted to meet were holding court in for the day, and arranged my schedule so I could be there as they were walking in or out. It sounds a bit manipulative, but really, it's just putting yourself in the right position at the right time.

The challenge in such circumstances, as it is in every conversation, is to try to transcend the trivialities of polite chitchat. I had gotten to know the lead organizer of the event during the preceding months, and based on casual conversation I generally knew who was coming—not privileged information but useful in my preparation. My office compiled simple bios of the VIPs who were coming in case I ended up meeting them or sitting next to them. My assistant prepared a few one-pagers on the one or two individuals I especially wanted to meet.

This is all part of what I call just doing your homework. That alone, however, is not enough. The idea is to find a point of common ground that is deeper and richer than what can be discovered in a serendipitous encounter. Armed with knowledge about a person's passions, needs, or interests, you can do more than connect; you'll have an opportunity to bond and impress.

A master politician like Winston Churchill planned his public encounters in the same way. Churchill today is known as an oratory genius, master of the art of repartee—the kind of fantastic dinner guest who captures everyone's undivided attention. What is less known—but which Churchill acknowledged in his own writing—is the blood, sweat, and tears of preparation that went into the making of a single sentence or the delivery of a clever joke. Churchill realized the power of knowing his audience and knowing how to push their buttons.

So how did I do?

I discovered that one of the CEOs, John Pepper, was also a fellow graduate of Yale. I had admired him since I was an undergrad and had seen him speak on campus. The former CEO of Procter & Gamble, Pepper was committed to human rights and making sure the story of the Underground Railroad was preserved in a museum devoted to the subject he was founding in Cincinnati. Pepper was known for his leadership and the innovations in marketing he had brought to Procter & Gamble. Even now, after stepping down, he continued to be a powerful influence on P&G's board and on the boards of several other companies.

Knowing he had attended Yale, I knew that he'd have a bio listed on the Yale University Web site. So I tapped into my alumni network for more information. There, I found a treasure trove of old college affiliations and interests. It turned out we had both been in Berkley College at Yale. That meant he must have known Robin Winks, a warmly admired and much-respected professor for whom I had worked while in college. When I brought up our many common experiences, we hit it off.