Elspeth stayed in the hall. She had no appetite for the fight the twins were about to have. Been there, done that. She wanted to leave the flat, to be alone, to sort herself out. She wanted to find Robert and plead with him. But what would I ask of him? What would I say? Elspeth wanted a stiff drink, a good long cry in the bath. She wanted to walk until she was exhausted enough to sleep. Instead she went into her office and looked out at the front garden in the moonlight. Let me go, she asked of whatever it was that held her here. I want to die now, please; really die and be gone. She waited, but there was no response. Please, God, or whoever you are, please let me go. She looked out at the garden, up at the sky. Nothing happened. She understood then that no one was listening. Anything that happened to her now would be her own doing.

Valentina crept into the bedroom, still holding the shoes and stockings. Julia sat on the bed in her pyjamas, feet dangling. She turned as Valentina came in. “Do you know what time it is?”

“No.”

“It’s nearly two a.m.”

“Oh.”

Julia hopped off the bed. Valentina thought, I can use the shoes to defend myself if she tries to hit me. They stood facing each other, each reluctant to say the next words that would provoke the argument. Julia thought, We should just go to bed. But she couldn’t resist saying, “Is that all you have to say? ‘Oh’?” She mimicked Valentina’s attempt at innocence. Oh, oh, oh.

Valentina shrugged. “It’s not like I have a curfew. And you aren’t my mom. And even if you were my mom, I’m twenty-one years old.” So whatcha gonna do about it, huh, Julia?

“It’s common courtesy to let me know when you’re coming home, otherwise I worry.” I’m more than Mom. You can’t just go off on your own.

“That’s not my problem. You knew where I was and who I was with.” You don’t own me.

“You went out for dinner. Dinner doesn’t last until two a.m.!” What were you doing for seven hours?

“I went out on a date and none of this is any of your business!” Let go of me!

“It is! What do you mean?” We don’t have secrets from each other ever.

“Don’t you think it’s time we started having our own lives?” Oh, God, just let go, Julia.

“We do! We have our own lives together-” Valentina!

“That’s not what I mean!” Valentina threw the shoes across the room. They bounced harmlessly on the carpet. “You know what I mean-I want my own life. I want privacy! I’m sick of being half a person.” She burst into tears. Julia stepped towards her and Valentina shrieked, “Don’t touch me! Don’t-” and ran out of the room.

Julia stood with her arms at her sides, her eyes closed. Tomorrow she’ll be normal. It will be like this didn’t happen. She got back into bed and lay there trying to hear Valentina somewhere in the flat. Eventually she fell asleep and dreamt she was upstairs in Martin’s flat, wandering by herself through the endless paths between the piles of boxes.

Valentina put herself to bed in the spare bedroom. The sheets were clammy and she felt oddly sophisticated sleeping in her underwear. I can’t remember ever sleeping by myself. She was too excited to actually sleep. The fight with Julia occupied her mind; the evening with Robert seemed weeks ago, a dim and pleasant interlude in the real battle. She saw herself as rational and victorious: I won, she thought. I said exactly what I wanted to say. She was wrong. She knew I was right. From now on things will be different.

In the morning the twins met shyly in the kitchen. They made scrambled eggs and toast, and had their breakfast together in the cold light of the dining room without saying very much. Things between them went back to normal, but things were different.

Vitamins

YOU LOOK terrible,” Julia said to Martin a few days later. “I’m going to buy you some vitamins.”

“Now you sound like Marijke.”

“Is that good or bad?” They were in Martin’s office. It was late afternoon; Valentina was at the cemetery with Robert, so Julia had come upstairs like a stray creature, complaining loudly that she had been deserted and hoping that Martin would watch TV with her. But Martin was working, so she hovered around him, bored but expectant.

Martin smiled and swivelled to look at her. In the dim light of the computer screen he seemed otherworldly; Julia thought him beautiful, though she knew it was the beauty of damage. His face was bluish and his hands were an extraordinary blood-orange colour in the warm desk-lamp light. “It’s nice. It’s good to have someone worry about me, just a bit. I wouldn’t want you to worry too much, though.”

An idea was forming in Julia’s mind. “I won’t. But would you take vitamins if I got you some?”

Martin turned back to the screen. He was building the grid for a crossword. He clicked and three squares went black. “Maybe. I’m not very good at remembering to take pills.”

“I could remind you. It could be my job.”

“I suppose it’s easier than actually eating fruit and veg.”

Julia said, “Okay, I’ll go to Boots tomorrow.” She hesitated. “Are you going to work all night?”

“Yes, I should have started this yesterday, but I got sidetracked. It’s due day after tomorrow.” Martin made a note on his handwritten sketch of the crossword. “If you want to watch TV, go ahead.”

“No, I don’t feel like watching by myself. I’ll go downstairs to read.”

“Well, sorry to be such poor company, but I really do have to finish this or my editor will be at my door with a truncheon.”

“S’okay.” By the time Julia was back in her own flat her plan was complete.

“You can’t do that,” Valentina said when Julia told her. “You can’t just give him medicine and not tell him.”

“Why not? He says refusing treatment is part of the disease. So I’m going to sneak it into him. He’ll be glad when it works and he can go outside.”

“What about side effects? What if he’s allergic? And how are you going to get your hands on medicine for obsessive compulsive disorder, anyway?”

“We’ll just go to the doctor and pretend to have OCD. I’ve been reading about it, it’s not hard to fake. I was thinking I would tell the doctor I’m super afraid of snakes. And maybe pluck out all my eyebrows.”

“Whadaya mean we? I’m not going with you.” Valentina held onto the arms of her chair as though she thought Julia might pull her out of it.

Julia shrugged. “Okay, fine. I’ll go by myself.”

It was much more complicated than she had anticipated, but Julia did eventually manage to get a prescription for Anafranil. She decanted the capsules into a vitamin bottle and presented herself in Martin’s office one evening after dinner.

“Look, I remembered,” she said, shaking the bottle so the pills rattled.

He was bent over some photographs, lost in another language. “Sorry, what? Oh, hello, Julia. What’s that? That’s very kind, thank you. Here, I’ll put them next to the computer so I remember to take them.”

“No,” said Julia. “I’ll keep them and make sure you take them. That’s our deal, right?”

“Was it?” he said. She went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When she handed him one capsule and the glass, Martin let the pill rest in his palm and glanced at it. He looked up at her inquisitively but didn’t say anything.

“Aren’t you going to take it?” she asked nervously. ANAFRANIL 25 MG was printed right on the capsule; she was counting on Martin’s near-sightedness to conceal that.

“Hmm? Oh, yes.” He put the pill in his mouth and gulped it down with water. “There you are, Nurse.”