But Mike and Mario don’t know me very well. I’m not the least bit flighty (except when I’m swooping around the city, flapping my investigative wings), and I don’t have an upstart bone in my body. I’ve been working for the magazine for almost four years now, and I’m still making just seventy-five dollars a week. (The guys all make a hundred or more-and in the case of Crockett and Pomeroy it’s much more.) And though I do try a lot harder, and take many more risks, and work many more hours than any of my male coworkers do, that doesn’t mean I’m an upstart. What it means is that I’m a single working woman- a struggling Korean War widow, if you want to get specific- striving to pay my bills and cough up the fifty-dollar-a-month rent on my tiny, rundown, cockroach-infested Greenwich Village apartment.
Paige Turner isn’t my given name, you should know. (What decent, self-respecting parents would burden a daughter with a ridiculous moniker like that?) And it isn’t my pen name, either. (I’ve had some stupid ideas in my life, but that wasn’t one of them.) What it is, is my married name, and I have only my late husband, Bob Turner, to thank-or should I say blame?-for it.
My best friend, Abby Moscowitz-the gorgeous, oversexed, opinionated beatnik artist who lives right across the hall from me-says I should change my name altogether. “It’s a joke!” she keeps insisting. “When people hear it, they laugh, you dig? You’ll never be taken seriously-especially in the publishing industry. You need a smart and sassy name. Something that will grab people’s attention without giving them the giggles.”
Abby’s right, I know-but I don’t care. Paige Turner I am, and Paige Turner I’m going to stay (unless my divorced, thirty-eight-year-old boyfriend, Detective Sergeant Dan Street, ever offers me his last name-which at this point in our troubled relationship seems a distinct impossibility). I was very much in love with Bob Turner, you see, and-though we were married for only one blissful month before he was sent off to die in a blast of machine gun bullets in a dirt trench in North Korea-I will always keep him safe in my heart. And I will always honor his name… no matter how silly mine became because of it.
Dan isn’t jealous about this, in case you’re wondering. Quite the opposite. As the staunchest, most resolute homicide detective in the entire NYPD, he’s really proud of me for sticking to my guns. Dan values loyalty and stamina above all other character traits, and openly praises me for keeping my married name in the face of constant ridicule (Mike and Mario waste more energy cracking Paige Turner jokes than they do watching for the hands of the office clock to land on lunchtime). It’s lucky for me that Dan is seduced by my small reserve of faithfulness and fortitude, because when it comes to his next most highly valued character trait, I come up shorter than bobby socks on a giraffe.
I’m talking about honesty now, and according to Dan, that’s the one area of my moral makeup that needs improvement. A whole lot of improvement. You know what Dan says? He says I can’t be trusted-that I don’t even know how to be honest. He insists I wouldn’t know the truth if it walked right in the door and kicked me on the shin. He claims I’ve told him more lies during the one and a half years of our stormy relationship than Lucy ever dreamed of telling Ricky.
But that’s not true! I swear it isn’t! Honest to God!
Okay, forget I said that. The truth is, I have told Dan a few fibs in the past-but not so very many, I promise! And the pitiful, self-defensive expression of a few little white falsehoods doesn’t make me a dishonest person! Not in the true sense of the word. Not in the devious, unscrupulous, mean-spirited sense. No way, Doris Day! I can honestly say that I’m a very sincere, conscientious, and steadfast individual, and I’ve never, ever, ever told Dan a lie unless I had to.
If Dan would just accept the fact that I work for a detective magazine and stop carrying on about how much danger I’m always putting myself in, we wouldn’t have a problem in the world. No lie. If he hadn’t forbidden me to work on any more unsolved murder stories and threatened to end our relationship if I did… well, then I wouldn’t have had to keep my more dangerous story investigations secret from him or create a single coverup to hide my activities.
You see what I’m saying? Dan makes me lie. And it’s all because I’m searching for the truth! How ironic is that? Jeez! Doesn’t Dan realize that we’re both working for the same thing? Can’t he see that the triumph of justice matters just as much to me as it does to him? If only he would stop worrying about me so much! If only he would support me in my undercover quest for the facts instead of demanding that I stop “meddling” in police business and putting myself in peril.
But Dan’s never going to change his position on this point, and I know it. He didn’t get to be the most renowned and respected homicide detective in the whole darn city by questioning his own beliefs or backing down from confrontations. He’s as strong and solid as a hardwood tree trunk-the most loyal, courageous, and, yes, honest man I’ve ever known-and when he takes a stand on something, you can bet it’s for real.
But I’m pretty stubborn, too. And I didn’t get to be Manhattan ’s only female crime reporter by caving in to opposition or running away from danger. And if there’s anything in the world I hate, it’s an either/or ultimatum. Either I leave the job I love… or I lose the man I love. I ask you, what kind of choice is that?
I’ll tell you what kind it is. It’s the kind I can’t-and won’t- make!
Which is why I’m now sitting alone at midnight in my dreary Bleecker Street apartment, smoking one L &M filter tip after another, listening to Nat “King” Cole on the radio, wondering if Dan will ever forgive me for my latest transgressions, praying that nothing too dreadful will happen to me tonight, and typing away on my trusty baby blue Royal, trying to wrap up this self-pitying prologue and get on with the story.
It’s a shocking and scary story, and I’ve had to risk my life- as well as my relationship with Dan-to get it. (I’ve told more lies and gotten into more trouble during the last few days than ever before.) It’s all been for a good cause, however, and-though I’m still working to conclude my investigation and am not a hundred percent sure how the story’s going to end-this much is certain: If, or rather, when I get to the bottom of this sensational murder scandal, all of Manhattan is going to benefit. In a big, sensational way.
Okay, I realize that’s a pretty bold statement, and- considering my admitted frailties in the honesty department- you may choose not to believe it. And you may not believe (or even read!) the horrific, behind-the-scenes tale I’m going to start putting down on paper right now. I sincerely hope you will, though. It’s a very important story, and-as astonishing and incredible as my exclusive, first-person version may be-I’ve got my right hand in the air and my left hand on the Bible when I say it’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.