“Low profile,” whispered Jack. “Please behave yourself.”

And soon Jack stood before Mann’s.[24]

Jack looked up in awe beyond awe.

Then Jack looked down at the pavement.

“Handprints,” he said to Eddie, and he set the bear down and he gazed upon them. “Clark Gable,” whispered Jack. “Shirley Temple, the Marx Brothers – I wonder what this is all about.”

“They’re movie stars, of course.” The voice was the sweetest of voices, and it issued from the sweetest of lips.

Jack looked up at the speaker. A pretty girl looked down.

She wore a colourful dress that reached to her knees, beneath which rather shapely legs reached down to elegant shoes.

Jack’s eyes lingered on these legs before moving up, with some deliberation, to view the pretty face of the speaker. It was that of a flame-haired beauty with stunning green eyes. A girl who was roughly Jack’s age.

“Movie stars?” said Jack.

“Of course. What did you think they were?”

Jack rose slowly to his feet. He did not possess the nose of Eddie, but this girl smelled beautiful and Jack drew in her fragrance.

“You’re sniffing me,” said the pretty girl. “I don’t think that’s very nice.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Jack. “If I was rude, will you please forgive me?”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re funny.”

“Am I … I …”

“My name is Dorothy,” said Dorothy. “I’m from Kansas. Where are you from?”

“England?” Jack suggested.

“I knew it,” said Dorothy. “I recognised your accent at once. England is so romantic. Do you know the Queen?”

“Oh yes,” said Jack. “Very well.”

“And do you wear a bowler hat and take your tea at three?”

“Every day,” said Jack. “With the Queen, naturally.”

Eddie made a growling noise.

Dorothy looked down. “What a sweet little bear,” she said. “Is it yours?”

“Mine,” said Jack. “His name is Eddie.”

“Eddie Bear, how cute. Might I pick him up and give him a cuddle?”

“I wouldn’t advise it,” said Jack. “He’s a bit smelly.”

“You’re a bit smelly, too,” said Dorothy. “You smell of poo.”

“An unfortunate incident,” said Jack, “but in the line of business. My name is Jack, by the way, and I’m a detective.”

“A detective, how exciting.” And Dorothy put out her hand and Jack most gently shook it.

“I’m an actress,” said Dorothy. “Or will be, as soon as I’m discovered.”

“Discovered?” Jack asked.

“By an agent. I’ve got my publicity shots, and I’ve been around to lots of agents, but they’re not very nice. They want you to do … things.” Dorothy cast down her eyes.

Jack felt he could imagine what things. “And so these are the handprints of famous movie stars?” he said.

“Yes,” said Dorothy. “And mine will be here one day. Once I’m discovered.”

“You’re a very beautiful girl,” said Jack. “I’m sure someone will discover you soon.”

“I hope so. I don’t like what I’m doing now.”

“What, talking to me?”

“No, I have to work as a kitchen maid in the hotel just up the road. The Roosevelt.”

“Ah,” said Jack.

“It’s very hard work, but at least it allows me to do a bit of good.”

“In the kitchen?”

“Well, not really in the kitchen. I package up all the leftover food that the rich people don’t eat and leave it in the trashcan outside for the homeless. There’s a poor old man who lives in the alley – the scraps I leave are his only food.”

“Ah,” said Jack once again.

“But I will be discovered. And when I am, and when I’m wealthy, I’ll feed as many of those poor souls as I can.”

“That’s a very wonderful thing to say,” said Jack. “You are a beautiful person.”

“But tell me about you,” said Dorothy. “You’re a detective. That must be very exciting. Do you catch a lot of criminals? Did they send you over from England on a special case? Are you working for the Queen, or is it the President?”

“Well,” said Jack.

And Eddie growled again.

“It’s been lovely to meet you,” said Jack, “but we, that is, I have to be going.”

“Won’t you stay for just a little longer, have a cup of coffee?”

“I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t have any money.”

“It’s only a cup of coffee, I’ll pay.”

“No, I couldn’t, really.”

“Oh please, it will be my treat and you can tell me all about England.”

“Well,” said Jack.

And Dorothy smiled upon him.

“Just one cup,” said Jack, and he gathered up Eddie.

And then Jack strolled along Hollywood Boulevard. And he felt rather good, did Jack. Rather “Top of the world, Ma”, as it happened. The sun shone down and here was he, with a beautiful girl on his arm. And as Jack walked on, smelly as he was, he caught the occasional envious glance from a young male passer-by.

“Now this is the life,” thought Jack to himself. “I could make a home in this place. Perhaps I could set myself up as a private detective, and take a wife, perhaps a wife who was a movie star. Yes, this is the life. I really love this place.”

“We’re here,” said Dorothy. “This is it.”

And Jack looked up and said, “Ah.”

They stood before the Golden Chicken Diner. It was a symphony of chrome and neon. A neon chicken on high flashed on and off, in profile, pecking up and down.

“It’s one of a growing chain,” said Dorothy. “They’re springing up everywhere. The chicken burgers are very popular and the coffee is good, but cheap.”

“Right,” said Jack. “It looks wonderful. Let’s go inside.”

And then Jack stopped. And then Jack stared. And then Jack said, “Oh no!”

And Dorothy looked at Jack, who now stared wide-eyed. And she watched as Jack took Eddie from under his arm and held him up before his chest.

And Eddie stared and saw what Jack saw, and Eddie Bear mouthed, “No!”

In the front window of the Golden Chicken Diner there was a garish sign. It was a big garish sign and it advertised the fare on sale.

But not only did it advertise this, it also advertised something else. It advertised special offers and what came free with these.

COLLECT ’EM ALL (said this garish sign)

FREE WITH EVERY FAMILY SPECIAL

A CLOCKWORK CLAPPINGMONKEY or

A CLOCKWORK BAND MEMBER or

A CLOCKWORK ORCHESTRA MUSICIAN

AND COMING SOON

LAUGHING POLICEMEN

AN ENTIRE SET OF TOY TOWN FIGURES

INCLUDING

TINTO THE CLOCKWORK BARMAN

AND

EDDIE THE CUDDLY BEAR

15

When Jack could find his voice he whispered, “What does it mean, Eddie, what?”

Eddie just stared and Dorothy said, “What is the matter, Jack?”

“It’s this … this sign.”

“Free toy figures.” Dorothy smiled. “Don’t thay have free offers in England? These are incredibly popular. They only started a day or so ago, with the clockwork monkey. Everybody’s collecting the figures now, not just kids, but grown-ups. There’s something about them, something –”

“Special?” said Jack. “Something special?”

“Yes, that’s the word. They’re not like ordinary toys.”

Eddie wriggled gently in the arms of Jack.

Jack said, “This needs thought, much thought.”

“Thought about what?” Dorothy was steering Jack into the Golden Chicken Diner.

Jack held back. “Let’s go somewhere else,” he said. “In fact, perhaps it would be better if I were to see you later on, this evening or something. I think I should be pressing on with my case.”

“I’m not letting you go that easily.” Dorothy clung to his arm. “At least let a girl buy you a cup of coffee. And I want to hear all about this case of yours.”

“No,” said Jack. “I don’t …”

But Dorothy tugged at Jack’s arm and Jack let himself be drawn into the Golden Chicken Diner.

It was within, as without, swathed in chrome and neon. A long chrome counter, behind which at measured intervals were mounted splendid chromium cash resisters, behind which stood personable young women wearing skimpy gold costumes. They sported golden caps and these in turn sported corporate logos: profiled pecking chickens. One of the girls said, “How might I serve you, please?”