Either way, that girl would be a college student while I remained a freeter and a hikikomori.

Ah, I can’t take it. Go to hell, all of you!

They say that curses come home to roost. So, I forced my feelings back down and tried wishing for everyone’s happiness, “Even if you fall into hell, keep trying, all of you.”

I, too, planned on trying, little by little.

The reason for that was on a scrap of paper I had here.

It was a contract, made from a page ripped out of the secret notebook. To fulfill the contract, I had no choice but to try.

That night…

I had jumped, and then I’d landed abruptly. I had landed on top of the wire netting set up around the cliff to prevent accidents. The frame had been buried into the rocky cliff itself, making a hook shape. As expected for a sightseeing spot, they had gone out of their way to mount the fence in such a way that the beautiful view was left unspoiled. And as expected for a sightseeing spot, there was absolutely no fault to be found with the safety measures.

I wanted to cry.

I cried.

I wanted to die, but I couldn’t die. If I could step out with only one foot, then this time, I could fly for sure. It was impossible. I couldn’t do it. Both of my legs were shaking violently, and the sound of my heart beating was ridiculously loud. I felt terrible, I was nauseated, and I didn’t want to be there anymore.

I was crying out for someone to do something. I was crying that I wanted to die. Kill me right now, I thought. I wished for someone to push me.

I didn’t want to go home and shut myself up in my apartment, and I didn’t want to see Misaki’s face. I didn’t want to think about anything confusing, and I didn’t want to experience any more pain. I just wanted to die right then.

I scratched my head, curled up my body, and then I bent backward. It was humorous and pathetic. I looked like an idiot. Each time the wind blew, I dropped to all fours and clung to the fence. I was frightened. I was scared of falling. I got chills just from looking downward.

Below the netting was the Sea of Japan. The waves were rough. Help me! No, don’t help me. Don’t laugh at me. What should I do? Don’t screw around with me! Don’t look! Don’t look over here! Why are you crying? I’m the one who wants to cry.

Misaki stuck her face out over the edge of the cliff and looked down at me.

I covered my face with both hands. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want any more disgrace in my life.

Stretching herself out over the cliff edge, Misaki held out her hand. She was trying to save me. The look on her face said that she pitied me. Swiping away her outstretched hand, I put my leg on the rock wall and climbed up the cliff by myself. I slipped on frozen sections several times, landing on my ass in the netting each time. On my third try, 1 succeeded at climbing about seven feet up the cliff.

I collapsed on the edge. Misaki stood in front of me.

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me toward the highway as hard as she could. She was trying to get me away from the edge as quickly as possible, and I ended up dragged along the top of the snow.

When we arrived in front of the bench, where we had been sitting a few minutes earlier, she started hitting me. She hit me over and over. In the end, I also suffered a shoulder tackle. I rolled onto my back, and Misaki leaned over me. She buried her face in my chest, letting out sobs that weren’t even words.

My right hand, which had been slashed by the box cutter, started to hurt. The bleeding wouldn’t stop.

Misaki grasped my palm. I roughly pushed away her hand, and a bit of blood splashed onto her cheeks. She didn’t even try to wipe it off. Sitting on top of me, she was crying. I tried to push her aside, but she wouldn’t break her hold on me. She pushed down my shoulders and stayed like that for a long time, trembling. Still shaking, she raised her fists, punching my chest. She hit me over and over and over.

In the end, my face got beaten up, too.

She knew no limits. My consciousness was fading.

Raising her fist again, Misaki said, “You can’t die.”

I was silent, without any answer. So, she hit me in the face once more. “Please, don’t die.”

As I didn’t want to be punched any more than this, I had no choice but to nod. So, I nodded and somehow managed to make myself smile. Next, I thought of telling her some kind of joke. But that was impossible.

Letting out a noise, I cried.

Misaki didn’t look away from me. She just kept staring and staring.

Eventually, we returned to ourselves. At this rate, we were going to freeze to death, so we decided to put the cape behind us for the time being.

Life is painful and difficult. A lot of things really will get the best of you. It’s actually rather hard.

Having made it back onto the road, I realized something terrible: How would we get back to the station?

“It took almost an hour by taxi, which means…”

“Yeah, if we walk to the station, it’ll take until morning.”

I felt a wave of despair.

Misaki pulled at me. “There’s an abandoned home nearby, but…”

“An abandoned home?”

“My house.”

After about a ten minute walk, we came to the abandoned house. The windowpanes were shattered, and a large hole had opened in the front door. We spent the whole night in a house that looked about ready to collapse. Surprisingly, though, I don’t remember it being all that cold.

We talked and talked about all sorts of things in that house, where there was a missing floorboard with every step. Misaki told me about her memories of that house. Most of them were tragic, but a few were kind of nice, too.

“My first father… I don’t even remember his face, but he named me. Because there’s a beautiful cape nearby, he called me ‘Misaki’, meaning ‘cape’. It's been a rather appropriate name, don’t you think?”

I laughed.

Eventually, I grew a little tired. After I had fallen into a few seconds of sleep, Misaki suddenly shook me lightly. “In the end, what’s the N.H.K.?”

As it would be a long discussion, I didn’t repeat my explanation. Misaki got out from under the coat she’d been using as a blanket, and she pulled her secret notebook from her bag.

“I thought of an N.H.K., too.”

“Huh?”

“It’s dark, so can you use your lighter? Oh! It’s okay, I can read the letters, even in the darkness”, she said quickly, as she started writing something in her secret notebook with a ballpoint pen.

“Um, okay, it’s finished.” She tore out the page and handed it to me.

The only light came from the moon shining in through the window. Lying face up, I forced my eyes into focus to read the contents of the paper.

“Look, sign it quickly.”

I took the ballpoint pen from her. I was troubled by it for a while. In the end, nothing at all had been resolved. It wasn’t as though anything had changed.