How the hell should I know that?! I wanted to yell, but I held it back.

“Well, starting tomorrow, come a little earlier. Anyway, we’ll begin your first ‘escaping hikikomori life' counseling session now, okay? Here, have a seat.”

I moved next to her on the bench, as instructed. Misaki sat beside me, turning to face me.

The park at night… no one else was there. What in the world was about to start? What did she plan to do? I was a little nervous. Misaki put down the huge bag she carried and started rummaging around inside it.

Whispering something like, “Oh, here it is, here it is”, she pulled out a college-ruled notebook. On the cover, “Secret Notebook” had been written in black marker.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A secret notebook.”

“Like I said, ‘what’s that?’”

“Uh… it’s a secret notebook.” Misaki opened the secret notebook and flipped through pages she’d marked. “Well then, I’ll start the lecture now.”

Backlit by the street lamps, her face wasn’t visible. The tone of her voice was serious, though. Not understanding what was going on, I gulped deeply.

Misaki started her lecture. “Um… I’ll begin with an outline of the hikikomori. Okay, what causes someone to become a hikikomori? Do you know, Satou? Hm? You don’t? That’s what I thought. You dropped out of college, so there’s no way your mind could answer this difficult question, Satou. I know. I’m smart, after all. I’m studying for my GED right now. I study five hours every day. Good of me, right? Ha ha ha…”

She laughed a little more before she continued, “According to the results of my research, not just hikikomori, but all emotional problems are caused by an inability to conform to one’s environment. Basically, because you can’t get along well with the world, various difficulties arise.”

Misaki turned to the next page. “Long ago, we humans thought of many different ways to get along with the world. For example, take the idea of gods. There are all kinds of gods. Even in Japan alone, there are eight million… Huh? Eight million? That’s a little excessive, isn’t it? Is this true? W-well, anyway, there are many gods in the world, and it seems they ease the suffering of quite a lot of people, like those at a church gathering. Those people who can’t be saved by Gods think of other means. For example, philosophy.”

Misaki began digging around in her bag again. After sticking her head inside the enormous bag, she finally found what she was looking for, “Oh, here it is. Here you go.” Pulling out some sort of book, she handed it to me. The title of the book was Sophie’s World.

“This is kind of hard, so I didn’t really understand it, but it seems that this one book can teach you everything you need to know about philosophy. I borrowed it from the library, so read it by tomorrow, okay?”

Nonplussed, I took the book. I was at my wit’s end over what to do while Misaki’s lecture droned on. “Um, well then, after philosophy, we have psychoanalysis! It seems to have been popular from around the nineteenth century, after some guy named Freud thought of it. People say that if you undergo psychoanalysis, your problems really do disappear. For instance, do you remember any dreams you had last night? I’ll analyze them for you. Tell me what happened in your dreams, Satou.”

I told her. “A really huge, strong snake appeared. It dove into the ocean, and I stuck a thick sword into an apple. Also, I blasted away all around me with a black, shining, amazing gun.”

Upon hearing this, Misaki withdrew another paperback from inside her gigantic bag. This one was entitled Dream Analysis: With This Single Book, You Easily Can Grasp the Depths of Your Psyche!

“Hm… snake, ocean, apple, sword, gun…” Muttering to herself, she was searching the index when suddenly, she looked away, face reddening. For some reason, I grasped the situation, even in the pitch-black park.

“Th-that’s enough Freud! Next, let’s do Jung!” Misaki yelled loudly.

“Hey! What are the results of my dream analysis? Misaki, tell me what the big snake could possibly symbolize.” I persisted, but she ignored my attempts at sexual harassment.

“Jung… This guy argued with Freud, and it seems he went in a different direction. Well then, let’s start a Jungian psychoanalysis.”

“Hey, don’t ignore me. Wait a second!”

“As far as I can see, you’re ‘introverted’, and ‘emotive’! You’re afraid of the ‘Great Mother’. Additionally, you also are fighting with the shadows. How terrible! To learn more, please read this book.” Misaki once again pulled out a book and handed it to me. This one was All About Jung, Explained by Manga!

My head was starting to hurt, yet Misaki’s lecture kept going. And going. From Jung to Adler to Lacan. “I don’t understand Lacan! I just can’t lock on!”

I was stunned that she could make this horrific pun, smiling all the while. I wanted to go back to my room. As if noticing my reaction, Misaki boldly changed direction. “Oh, I’m sorry for talking about all this difficult stuff. It seems that you really aren’t suited to these academic discussions, after all, Satou. That’s okay, though. We still have tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“We’re people, so it’s painful.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I feel bad for you, experiencing such troubles. Let’s look up as we move forward, though. You’re fine the way you are. You have dreams, so you’ll be all right. You’re not alone. If you keep walking, you’ll find your path. Everyone is cheering for you. As you do your best, you shine. You’ll succeed if you keep moving ahead with positive thinking; so, let’s walk toward tomorrow together. The future is bright. We’re people, we’re people, we’re people…”

Pulling Misaki’s bag out of her hands, I upended it. A load of books avalanched onto the ground: Public Health Service paperbacks, Intelligent Living paperbacks. Quick Introduction to Psychoanalysis, Complete Mental Illness Manual, The Book to Read When You Are Stuck in Life, The Rules for Success in Life, Murphy’s Ghost, The Cerebral Revolution, Mitsuo, Mitsuru, etc., etc.

“Hey, Misaki, do you think I’m an idiot?”

Misaki gave me a look that said, “No, I don’t”, and she shook her head.

Anyway, after a week of interacting with Misaki, the only thing I truly understood was how hard she was trying. She really was working very hard. For the first few days, that effort stalled without result; while working to the best of her ability, her passion was certainly real. Of course, I didn’t know where her true intentions lay or what she actually was planning. I didn’t know, but I didn’t really care, either.

If my thoroughly rotten emotional state could be infused with even just a little energy through this exchange with a girl, I would be happy. Even if it led to problems in the future, I no longer had anything left to lose. Not to mention that, whatever happened, we’d part soon enough. Eventually, I would be kicked out of my apartment, or I’d go somewhere else for another reason. Either way, I would disappear soon. Meeting with Misaki was just a way to alleviate my boredom until that time came.

And because I was thinking in such irresponsible terms, I had no trouble at all conversing privately with a girl I barely knew, despite the fact that this situation was one that would usually cause a hikikomori the greatest amount of stress possible.

Of course, no matter how cute Misaki might be, I had no intention of doing anything to her. The sign at the park entrance read, “Beware of Perverts”, but even given the way I looked, I was still a gentlemanly hikikomori. Please, don’t worry, Misaki…

“What? What are you grinning about?” she asked me.

“Nothing, nothing. More important, what’s on today’s special training menu?”

Facing me while sitting on the bench, as usual, Misaki peered into her secret notebook. “Hm, on tonight’s menu is how to converse with others.”