I dug my courage out of hiding and met Dom’s eyes. “I’d like you to pack me up another care package, if you don’t mind. I don’t want to know what’s in it, but it shouldn’t be wimpy stuff.” I’m not sure there is such a thing as wimpy S&M gear, but that’s beside the point. “I’ll take it to Brian’s, and if he doesn’t slam the door in my face, I’ll give him carte blanche to use whatever’s in the package.”
For the first time, Dom looked dubious. “I’m not sure—”
“Brian wouldn’t hurt me. Even if you put something awful in the package, he wouldn’t use it. In fact, you should put something awful in there.”
Dom bit his lip. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to know.” I forced a seriously nervous smile. “It’s a demonstration of blind trust.”
He was silent for so long I thought for sure he was going to refuse.
“I can always go buy the crap, but you know I can’t afford it. I’ll do it if I have to, but—”
“All right, all right. At least if I choose the toys, I’ll know it’s the good stuff.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Dom.”
He grimaced. “I hope you’ll still be thanking me later.” He pushed away from the table.
“Don’t wimp out on me, okay?”
He met my eyes steadily. “I won’t,” he promised, and I knew it was the truth.
CHAPTER 30
I’ve faced a lynch mob that tried to burn me at the stake; a sociopathic demon who had every intention of torturing and then killing me; and a psycho demon who wanted to make the entire rest of my life a living hell. And yet I swear I was more frightened now, as I stood outside Brian’s door with Dominic’s “care package” at my feet, than I’d ever been in the face of true physical danger.
It had taken me more than three hours to get ready, as I’d considered and discarded about thirty different outfits, and at least another hour to nerve myself up to set foot outside my own apartment. Not that anyone would know how embarrassing my outfit was, since I’d covered all the sexy stuff with a mundane khaki shirtdress. No, the only sign that there was anything out of the ordinary was the pair of fuck-me pumps that had me teetering slightly with every step.
Everything I was wearing was brand-new, purchased specially for this occasion. The only reason it had taken me so long to get dressed was because I tried so many times to chicken out of my selections. But hell, if I was going to do this at all, I was going to do this right. If that meant adding a dash of humiliation to the experience, then so be it.
The people in Brian’s building know me by sight, and there was no sign they knew we had broken up. When I asked the front desk clerk not to call up to Brian’s apartment to let him know I was coming, he smiled at me and gave me a conspiratorial wink. It was almost enough to make me flee in terror, but once again I gave myself a mental kick in the ass.
Now there was only one thing left to do. I took a deep breath, wiped my sweaty palms on my dress, and rang the doorbell.
It was always possible I was getting myself all worked up for nothing. Maybe Brian would open the door, see me standing there, and shut it again without saying another word. Or I might tell him what I had in mind, and he would laugh at me. But in all honesty, that wasn’t how I expected this to go.
My heart was going at about a thousand beats per minute. When Brian opened the door, my heart went for a thousand and one.
The fact that he didn’t slam the door was both a relief and a source of terror. He cocked his head to one side, taking in my outfit from head to toe. His eyebrows arched when he saw the shoes, and he looked even more taken aback when he saw the suitcase that contained the “toys,” as Dominic called them.
“May I come in?” I asked in a scratchy whisper.
I would have liked to look sexy for Brian, but all I could manage right now was not to look too much like a deer in the headlights. He couldn’t possibly miss how nervous I was.
“This ought to be interesting,” he murmured, a wry smile on his lips, as he opened the door wide enough to let me in.
I gulped. Step one was successfully completed: he hadn’t slammed the door in my face. As a bonus, he didn’t even look at me like I was the last person on earth he wanted to see. I hesitated only a moment before picking up the suitcase and going inside. Then I kinda ran out of steam and stood there in the entryway wondering how the hell to begin.
Brian came to stand in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest. “I have to admit, I’m insanely curious as to what you’re doing here and what’s in that mysterious suitcase,” he told me. He finished up with, “Nice shoes, by the way.”
I stiffened my spine to the best of my abilities, then met Brian’s eyes. “I’m here to beg you to take me back,” I said.
His eyes widened at that. I wasn’t one to beg, and he knew it. But after that moment of surprise, I could see him starting to shut down, closing his heart to me. I hurried on before he could finish that process.
“The reason you dumped me is because I’ve given you every reason to believe I don’t fully trust you. But the truth is, it’s not you I don’t trust, it’s me. I can’t get over the feeling that you’re just too damn good for me, and I’ve spent most of the time we’ve been together tensed and ready for the moment you’d wise up to what a lousy catch I was.” I took a deep, steadying breath. Not that it helped a whole lot. “I came here tonight to prove to you that I do trust you, with all my heart.”
Brian licked his lips and looked thoughtful. At least he’d stopped shutting down on me. His eyes flicked to the suitcase, then back to me. “I’m listening,” he said cautiously, his tone clearly saying he was making no promises.
I began to unbutton my dress, pointing at the suitcase with a jerk of my chin. “Dominic calls that a ‘care package.’ I don’t know exactly what’s in it, but I know it contains what he and Adam consider ‘toys,’ if you know what I mean.”
I had the dress unbuttoned all the way to my waist by now, giving Brian tantalizing glimpses of my black peekaboo bra and the gold belly chain. I paused for half a second, but he seemed in no hurry to interrupt me, so I soldiered on.
“You know what an utter control freak I am,” I said, then swallowed hard. “But for tonight, and tonight only, I’m going to put all the power in your hands. Anything that’s in that case, you can use on me and I won’t object. Anything. I know you’d never harm me, even if you’re pissed as hell at me. So I know I’m safe taking my hands off the wheel for a while.” Even if the very thought made me break out in a cold sweat.
I let the dress drop to the floor. My cheeks burned, and my mouth was parched. Brian had seen me naked hundreds of times, but I felt ever so much more vulnerable this time. Almost more naked than when I wasn’t wearing anything.
Aside from the peekaboo bra, the belly chain, and the fuck-me pumps, I was also wearing a flimsy black lace thong, a garter belt, and black stockings. I didn’t know if this was anything like an outfit a truly submissive person would wear, but I did know it was sexy as hell. Or totally ridiculous-looking, depending on your point of view.
From the look on Brian’s face, I’d say he thought “sexy as hell.” His eyes had darkened, and there was a noticeable flush in his cheeks. And yes, his pants were looking a bit tight. No matter how angry or disgusted he might be with me, I still lit his fire.
Brian tore his eyes away from my body to look me straight in the eye. “Is the offer still on the table if I tell you there’s no chance in hell I’ll take you back?”
I flinched. I couldn’t help it. I almost lost my courage completely, but I managed to dig it up from somewhere and meet his eyes once more. I was here to prove how much I trusted him. Brian would never put me through this if he wasn’t planning to take me back. I’d have loved for him to tell me that straight out, but I suppose that would have violated the spirit of things.