37

"This stuff is terrible!" Tronie complained, shaking out a bed covering at the edge of a gully, and causing more ash to billow up. "We've been cleaning it up for days, but it's in the food, in the water, clothes, beds. It gets into everything, and you can't get rid of it."

"What we need is another good rain," Deegie said, throwing out some dirty water that had been used to wash down the hide covering of the tent. "Or a good snowstorm. That would settle it. This is one year I'm going to look forward to winter."

"I'm sure you are," Tronie said, then looked at her sideways and grinned, "but I think it's because you'll be joined by then and living with Branag."

A beatific smile transformed Deegie's face as she thought of her upcoming nuptials. "I won't deny that, Tronie," she said.

"Is it true that the Mammoth Hearth was talking about postponing the Matrimonial because of this ash?" Tronie asked.

"Yes, and the Womanhood Rites, too, but everyone objected. I know Latie doesn't want to wait, and I don't either. They finally agreed. They don't want any more bad feelings. A lot of people thought they were wrong about Rydag's funeral," Deegie said.

"But some people agreed with them," Fralie said, approaching with a basketful of ash. She dumped it into the gully. "No matter what they had decided, someone would have thought they were wrong."

"I guess you had to live with Rydag to know," Tronie said.

"I'm not so sure," Deegie said. "He lived with us a long time, but I never thought of him as quite human until Ayla came."

"I don't think she's as anxious for the Matrimonial as you, Deegie," Tronie said. "I wonder if something is wrong with her. Is she sick?"

"I don't think so," Deegie said. "Why?"

"She's not acting right. She's preparing to be joined, but she doesn't seem to be looking forward to it. She's getting a lot of gifts, and everything, but she doesn't seem happy. She should be like you. Every time someone says loin, you smile, and get a dreamy look on your face."

"Not everyone looks forward to their joining the same way," Fralie said.

"She did feel very close to Rydag," Deegie commented. "And she is grieving, as much as Nezzie. If he had been Mamutoi, the Matrimonial probably would be delayed."

"I feel bad about Rydag, too, and I miss him – he was so good with Hartal," Tronie said. "We all feel bad, though he was in so much pain I was relieved. I think something else is bothering Ayla."

She did not add that she had wondered about Ayla joining with Ranec from the beginning. There was no reason to make an issue of it, but in spite of Ranec's feeling for her, Deegie still thought Ayla felt more for Jondalar, though she seemed to be ignoring him lately. She saw the tall Zelandonii man come out of the tent, and walk toward the center of the Meeting area. He seemed preoccupied.

Jondalar nodded in response to people who acknowledged him as he passed, but his thoughts were turned inward. Was he imagining it? Or was Ayla really avoiding him? After all the time that he had spent trying to stay out of her way, he still couldn't quite believe, now that he wanted to talk to her alone, that she was avoiding him. In spite of her Promise to Ranec, some part of him always believed that all he had to do was to stop avoiding her and she would be available to him again. It wasn't that she had seemed so eager, exactly, but that she seemed open to him. Now, she seemed closed. He had decided the only way to find out was to face her directly, but he was having trouble finding her at a time and place where they could talk.

He saw Latie coming toward him. He smiled and stopped to watch her. She walked with an independent stride now, smiled confidently at people who nodded greetings. There is a difference, he thought. It always amazed him to see the change that First Rites brought. Latie was no longer a child, or a giggling, nervous girl. Though she was still young, she moved with the assurance of a woman.

"Hello, Jondalar," she said, smiling.

"Hello, Latie. You're looking happy." A lovely young woman, he thought to himself as he smiled. His eyes conveyed his feeling. She responded with an indrawn breath and widened eyes, and then a look that answered his unconscious invitation.

"I am. I was getting so tired of staying in one place all the time. This is the first chance I've had to walk around by myself… or with anyone I want." She swayed a little closer as she looked up at him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm looking for Ayla. Have you seen her?"

Latie sighed, then smiled in a friendly way.

"Yes, she was watching Tricie's baby for a while. Mamut is looking for her, too."

"Don't blame them all, Ayla," Mamut said. They were sitting outside in the warm sunshine, in the shade of a big alder bush. "There were several who disagreed. I was one."

"I don't blame you, Mamut. I don't know if I blame anyone, but why can't they see? What makes people hate them so much?"

"Maybe because they can see how much we are alike, so they look for differences." He paused, then continued, "You should go to the Mammoth Hearth before tomorrow, Ayla. You can't be joined until you do. You're the last one, you know."

"Yes, I suppose I should," Ayla said.

"Your reluctance is giving Vincavec hope. He asked me again today if I thought you were considering his offer. He said, if you didn't want to break your Promise, he was going to talk to Ranec about accepting him as a co-mate. His offer could increase your Bride Price substantially, and give very high status to all of you. How would you feel about it, Ayla? Would you be willing to accept Vincavec as a co-mate with Ranec?"

"Vincavec said something about that on the hunt. I'd have to talk to Ranec and see how he feels about it," Ayla said.

Mamut thought she showed remarkably little enthusiasm, either way. This was a bad time for a joining, with her grief still so strong but with all the offers and attention, it was hard to counsel waiting. He noticed that she was suddenly distracted, and turned to see what she was watching. Jondalar was coming toward them. She seemed nervous and took a step as though she was in a hurry to go, but she couldn't just break off her conversation with Mamut so abruptly.

"There you are, Ayla. I've been looking for you. I'd like to talk to you."

"I'm busy with Mamut now," she said.

"I think we're through, if you want to talk to Jondalar," Mamut said.

Ayla looked down, and then at the old man, avoiding Jondalar's troubled gaze, then said softly, "I don't think we have anything to say to each other, Mamut."

Jondalar felt his face drain, then a shock of blushing heat. She had been avoiding him! She didn't even want to talk to him. "Uh… well, uh… I'm… I'm sorry I bothered you," he said, backing away. Then, wishing he could find a place to hide, he rushed off.

Mamut observed her closely. After he left, she watched him go, her eyes even more troubled than his. He shook his head, but refrained from speaking as they walked together back to Lion Camp.

As they neared, Ayla noticed Nezzie and Tulie coming toward them. Rydag's death had been hard on Nezzie. Just the day before she had brought what was left of his medicine back, and they had both wept. Nezzie didn't want it around as a sad reminder, but wasn't sure if she should throw it away. It made Ayla realize that with Rydag gone, the need to help Nezzie treat him was gone, too.

"We were looking for you, Ayla," Tulie said. She seemed delighted with herself the way someone would who had been planning a big surprise, and that was rare for the big headwoman. The two women opened out something that was carefully folded. Ayla's eyes opened wide, and the two women looked at each other and grinned. "Every bride needs a new tunic. Usually it is the man's mother who makes it, but I wanted to help Nezzie."