"It was terrifying," Paula said. She speared a piece of chicken on her plate and ate it.

"We still just don't know, is what it comes down to," said my aunt. "The idea of adopting a child in need is really compelling-a friend of mine at work recently adopted a baby girl from China. And one of our neighbors brought back a baby from Romania."

"But each of us had always assumed we'd have a baby of our own someday," Paula said. "There are just so many things to think about, issues to consider. Everything we think about seems to carry so much weight."

"We just have to keep gathering information," Eileen added. "I think the more we learn, the clearer our decision will become."

"Have one of each," said Mary K„talking through a mouthful of chicken. We all turned to look at her. She swallowed and nodded, her shiny russet hair swinging gently around her shoulders. "One of you has a baby, and then you also adopt a baby. Tons of people have two children. Isn't the average in America like 2.1 or something?"

Paula and Eileen stared at my sister as if she were a talking dog.

"We never thought of that," said Eileen, and Mary K. shrugged.

"Two children. It just never occurred to me," said Paula in bemusement. "I've been so wrapped up in trying to figure out how to have one."

"She has a point," said my mom. "If you started having your own baby now and put in the adoption papers, then two or three years from now, when the adoption comes through, they'll be the right age apart."

Just like Mary K and me.

"I've been offered a scholarship to study in Scotland this summer." As soon as the words were spilling out of my mouth, my brain was already screaming for a shutdown. What had possessed me to blurt this out now? Five heads swiveled to look at me, five pairs of eyes opened in surprise. Morgan, shut up, I told myself, aeons too late.

"What?" Mom asked. "You haven't mentioned this. What scholarship?"

"I just heard about it today," I said, threatening myself with all kinds of revenge for being so stupid. "I didn't even know it existed," I added truthfully.

"What is this scholarship?" my dad asked. "Why is it in Scotland? How did you find out about it? Is it for math?"

"Um, Eoife McNabb called me today," I mumbled. I started pushing my peas around on my plate with my fork. "I don't know if you ever met her. But she's a… teacher. And she got me a full scholarship to go to a really exclusive, impossible-to- get-into college. I'm the only American they've ever accepted."

"Congratulations, Morgan!" said Aunt Eileen. "That's marvelous! This is really impressive!"

"Goodness, Morgan," said my mother. "I don't think I've heard you mention Eva McNabb. Is she one of the teachers at school?"

"Not exactly," I said, looking at my plate. "Um, the course is for eight weeks. I have to pay my airfare, but everything else is taken care of. It's a huge honor."

"Is this through the math department?" Dad asked again.

"Not exactly," I repeated in a small voice. There were several moments of silence.

"What is this a scholarship for, Morgan?" asked my mom in a calm, don't-give-me-any-crap voice. Witchcraft? Magick? "Um, healing? Herbal medicine?" I said.

"You have a scholarship to go to Scotland to study herbs?" Mary K. asked in disbelief.

I looked down at my plate. "It's a famous place of learning," I tossed out into the deafening silence at the table. "Only the most learned and powerful… teachers are there. I'm the youngest person they've ever considered, and the only American. It's considered a huge honor-the chance of a lifetime. Tons of people would be ecstatic to be offered this opportunity."

I saw Eileen and Paula glance at each other-gee, they wished they'd stayed home tonight. Mary K. was looking fixedly at her plate. I could tell she wasn't thrilled about this idea. I didn't even want to look at Mom or Dad.

"It would be an education just to go to Europe," I said, starting to use my desperation tactics, none of which I'd thought through yet because I'd been certain I was going to wait until the right moment to bring this up. "I'd be in northern Scotland-surrounded by tons of history. Historical monuments. And then England and Ireland are just train rides away. Just visiting those would practically count for a world history credit. Think of the cities-Edinburgh, London, Dublin. Castles, gardens, moats." Okay, I was really stretching here. "And I would be working, working, working, not getting into trouble or being bored, or-"

When I finally glanced up, I saw my mom and dad looking at each other. I felt a familiar pang of guilt-I was their fish out of water, the egg some cowbird had left in their nest. When they had adopted me, seventeen years ago, nothing could have prepared them for this last year, as I was suddenly revealed as something they distrusted and feared: a witch by blood. There was no way they would let me go, to further my study of Wicca, pushing myself one step closer to being an educated, accomplished witch. They were probably still fruitlessly hoping that something would happen to me and that I would somehow turn back into a Rowlands — go to MIT for math, get a nice engineering job or maybe teach. Get married. Have nonwitch grandchildren. Look back on my witch period the way they looked back on their flower- child years.

It wasn't going to happen.

"We need to discuss it," my mom said, her lips somewhat tight. I almost fell out of my chair. What? It wasn't an outright no!

"Yes," Dad said, swallowing. "There's a lot to think about. We need much more information before we can even make a decision. Is there some kind of brochure or something for this place?"

I was so stunned, I felt like I'd just been hit on the head with a golf ball. "Uh, I don't know," I stammered. "I can ask Eoife. She can give you more information."

Mary K.'s large brown eyes were opened wide.

"I'll do anything you say," I put in, trying not to sound pathetic and desperate.

"Well, your grades have been acceptable lately," Mom said, not looking happy. She stabbed her fork into her salad, and I felt I could have heard the crunching from three blocks away.

"There haven't been any recent… incidents," my dad said, his mouth in a tight line.

I looked down. There was a lot they didn't know about. But it hadn't been my fault. Most of it. When I looked back up, Aunt Eileen and Paula were gazing at me solemnly. It occurred to me that I had no idea what they thought about my involvement with Wicca. I was sure Mom had told Eileen about some of it at least. They were really close, despite the difference in their ages and the different paths their lives had taken.

"We realize that you feel that… Wicca is somehow important to you," Mom said. "While it's true we're not very happy about it, we also know that not everyone can live the same life."

"If you let me do this, I will never ask for anything again," I swore.

Mom looked at me for the first time, a smile quirking her mouth. "You said that when you wanted Rollerblades. And now look at you. Still asking for things."

That broke the tension a little bit. Mom and Dad looked at each other again.

"At any rate, we'll discuss it," said Dad, pouring himself another glass of wine. "We're not promising anything. We're only agreeing to think about it."

"Thank so much," I breathed. "That means so much to me."

"Excuse me," said Mary K. "Who's going to give me rides to the beach this summer?" Her eyebrows raised as she looked at me pointedly.

"Um. Alisa's dad?" I suggested. "The church youth group?"

"Whatever," Mary K. said with a big sigh, but I felt it was her way of letting me know this somehow wouldn't kill her.

I looked back down at my plate, suddenly starving. This was amazing. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I had put a spell on my whole family.