"No, no," soothed their elderly gooseboy, who was slow to appreciate irony.
"This has been going on for five hundred years?"
"All my time," nodded the custodian self-righteously.
"Is it possible," I asked, wearily because my cold was getting the better of me now, "that the drivers take your rejects away and sell off the sacks cheap?"
"Oh gods, don't ask me," scoffed the custodian. "I'm just stuck here talking to birds all day."
I told him I did not want to worry him, but he really ought to think about it seriously since today's sacks must have been tampered with. He could have ended up in charge of a pile of pillow feathers. When I mentioned the dead ostrich, he did finally react.
"Ostriches!" It had brought forth real contempt. "Those bastards will eat anything, you know. They like to swallow stones." He seemed fonder of his geese now, by comparison.
"The ostriches don't object to corn, and it looks as if they get it," I said shortly. "Look, this is serious. First we had better collect up what you've put down today, and then don't give the geese any more unless you've tested that sack on some bird who's not sacred."
It took a bit of persuasion, but the threat of losing his charges worked in the end. I tied Nux to a tree-where the geese came and pretended to mob her-then the custodian and I spent half an hour on our knees, carefully picking up every speck of corn we could see.
"So what's this about?" he asked me when we finally stood up and stretched our aching backs.
"It's part of a war to the death between the keepers of the wild beast menageries that supply the arena. If their stupidity has brought them too close to the Sacred Geese, it needs to be stopped right now. I have to find out how and when the sack that did for the ostrich found its way off the granary cart-"
"Oh I can tell you that."
"How come?"
"The drivers always stop at the caupona at the bottom of the hill and have a warming drink before they toddle off again. In winter they have their beaker indoors. Anyone who knows their habits could come and have a quiet word about any spare sacks on the cart. Of course it would be risky-the sacks are labeled for the geese. What's just happened must have been a one-off."
"Reckon so?"
I thought Calliopus' ostriches had probably been fed cheaply on the sacred grain for longer than the custodian wanted me to think. It was possible-and indeed it was the most plausible solution-that this cheery old fellow took a cut from the grain sack scam. Doing so was probably the traditional perk of his job. I could land him in big trouble if I reported it-but I wasn't after him.
"Thanks for your help."
"I'll have to put in a report about my geese being nearly poisoned today."
"Oh don't do that, or we'll all have to waste a great deal of time over it."
"What's your name?" he insisted.
"Didius Falco. I work for the Palace. Trust me; I'll deal with this. I'm intending to interrogate the man behind the poisoning. It shouldn't happen again-but take my advice: if you don't want all the corn sacks, ask your superiors to reduce the official order. Otherwise, one day some interfering auditor with less good manners than me is going to raise a stink."
There must have been unwanted corn coming up to the Capitol since records began. I could have just ended one of the Empire's most historic supply rackets. Vespasian would be proud of me. On the other hand, there were going to be some pretty skinny ostriches entertaining the crowds. Our new Emperor wanted to be popular; he might prefer me to ignore the stolen sacks and keep the exotics big and fit.
I picked up Nux for her own safety. As I left, the custodian was still muttering about his duty to inform various officials that disaster had been leveled at the precious geese. I reckoned it was all for show. He must know it was best to keep quiet.
Once he realized that I had stopped listening, he returned to his normal tasks. Walking down the hill towards the corner of the Forum, I heard him teasing the sacred birds with an affectionate cry of "Roasted in Green Sauce!"
It was about then I realized that while I had taken my eyes off her, Nux must have been rolling in the unpleasant goose droppings.
Twenty-seven
HELENA JUSTINA PLACED a deliciously cool hand on my forehead, then told me I was certainly not going out again. She carried the baby off to another room, and set herself to look after me. This could be fun. She had seen me battered by villains plenty of times, but in the three years I had known her I had probably not had a streaming cold.
"I keep telling you to dry your hair properly before you leave the baths."
"It's nothing to do with wet hair."
"And your arm's so horribly burned. You're probably feverish."
"I'll need nursing then," I suggested hopefully.
"Bed rest?" asked Helena, in a rather mocking tone. Her eyes had the glint of a girl who knows her loved one is sinking, and will be in her power.
"And massage?" I pleaded.
"Too soft. I'll prepare you a good strong aloe purge."
This was just banter. She could see I was not malingering. Lunch was bestowed upon me, with the daintiest tidbits tenderly passed my way. Wine was warmed. My boots were eased off and replaced with slippers. A steaming bowl of pine oil was prepared for me to breathe under a napkin. A message was sent to the Saepta to inform Anacrites I had retired hurt and was being kept at home. Like a pupil granted a day off school, I felt better at once.
"You can't go out to dinner tonight-"
"I have to." Playing the dutiful patient under the napkin, I called out the story of the dead ostrich and the Sacred Geese.
"That's terrible. Imagine the furor if the geese had been killed instead. Marcus, the last thing Vespasian needs at this juncture is the public imagination inflamed by a bad omen."
From all I had heard, Vespasian was himself pretty superstitious; it went with being country born. I popped out of the inhalant tent and was firmly pushed back under again. "Don't worry," I coughed as the aromatic heat enveloped me. "I warned the custodian to keep his mouth shut-"
"Keep breathing." Thanks, darling!
"Vespasian need never know."
Helena sounded crisp: "Saturninus should be challenged, however. He must be behind poisoning the sacks of corn, as revenge for Calliopus freeing his leopardess."
"It wouldn't have been in anyone's interest to kill Juno's geese."
"No. So the threat of unwanted imperial attention might help cool the quarrel. I'll go to dinner with Saturninus tonight and warn him-"
"Either we cry off-or we both go."
"Well then; I'll do the talking." All my life women who reckoned they knew what was good for me had been telling me that.
I nodded, as best I could in my position, crouched over the inhalant bowl, for once grateful not to have to take control. I could trust Helena to say the right thing and to ask the right questions.
Bored, I came up for air, only to wish myself hidden again. We had a visitor: Smaractus must have been watching to see if I came home for lunch. The fact that he had allowed me long enough to eat it and to mellow warned me that his mission must be serious.
"Is there a funny smell here, Falco?" He must have caught a whiff of the goose dung Nux had wallowed in.
"Well, it's either something nasty the landlord ought to clear away-or it's the landlord himself. What do you want? I'm ill; make it quick."
"They say you're involved with the new amphitheater opening."
Blowing my nose, I made no reply.
Smaractus squirmed with ingratiating oiliness. Now I really felt sick. "I wondered if there was any chance of you putting in a word for me, Falco?"
" Olympus! I must be delirious."
"No, you heard him," said Helena.