“It appears that this aunt was well acquainted with a former housekeeper of Miss Dawson’s- before the time of the Gotobed girls, I mean. The aunt is a highly respectable person of FORBIDDING ASPECT! – with a bonnet(!), and to my mind, a most disagreeable CENSORIOUS woman. However!- We got to speaking of Miss Dawson’s death, and this aunt- her name is Timmins- primmed up her mouth and said ‘No unpleasant scandal would surprise me about that family, Miss Climpson. They were most UNDESIRABLY connected! You recollect, Mrs. Budge, that I felt obliged to leave after the appearance of that most EXTRAORDINARY person who announced himself as Miss Dawson’s cousin.’ Naturally, I asked who this might be, not having heard of any other relations! She said that this person, whom she described as a nasty, DIRTY NIGGER (!!!) arrived one morning, dressed up as a CLERGYMAN!!!- and sent her -Miss Timmins- to announce him to Miss Dawson as her COUSIN HALLELUJAH!!! Miss Timmins showed him up, much against her will, she said, into the nice, CLEAN, drawing-room! Miss Dawson, she said, actually came down to see this ‘creature’ instead of sending him about his ‘black business’(!), and as a crowning scandal, asked him to stay to lunch!- ‘with her niece there, too,’ Miss Timmins said, ‘and this horrible blackamoor ROLLING his dreadful eyes at her,’ Miss Timmins said that it ‘regularly turned her stomach’- that was her phrase, and I trust you will excuse it- I understand that these parts of the body are frequently referred to in polite(!) society nowadays. In fact, it appears she refused to cook the lunch for the poor black man-(after all, even blacks are God’s creatures and we might all be black OURSELVES if He had not in His infinite kindness seen fit to favour us with white skins!!)- and walked straight out of the house!!! So that unfortunately she cannot tell us anything further about this remarkable incident! She is certain, however, that the ‘nigger’ had a visiting-card, with the name ‘Rev. H. Dawson’ upon it, and an address in foreign parts. It does seem strange, does it not, but I believe many of these native preachers are called to do splendid work among their own people, and no doubt a MINISTER is entitled to have a visiting-card, even when black!!!
“ In great haste
“Sincerely yours,
“A.K. Climpson”
“God bless my soul,” said Lord Peter, when he had disentangled this screed- “here’s our claimant ready made.”
“With a hide as black as his heart, apparently,” replied Parker. “I wonder where the Rev. Hallelujah has got to-and where he came from. He- er- he wouldn’t be in ‘Crockford,’ I suppose.”
“He would be, probably, if he’s Church of England,” said Lord Peter, dubiously, going in search of that valuable work of reference. “Dawson- Rev. George, Rev. Gordon, Rev. Gurney, Rev. Habbakuk, Rev. Hadrian, Rev. Hammond- no, there’s no Rev. Hallelujah. I was afraid the name hadn’t altogether an established sound. It would be easier if we had an idea what part of the world the gentleman came from. ‘Nigger,’ to a Miss Timmins, may mean anything from a high-caste Bhramin to Sambo and Rastus at the Coliseum- it may even, at a pinch, be an Argentine or an Esquimaux.”
“I suppose other religious bodies have their Crockfords,” suggested Parker, a little hopelessly.
“Yes, no doubt- except perhaps the more exclusive sects- like the Agapemonites and those people who gather together to say OM. Was it Voltaire who said that the English had three hundred and sixty-five religions and only one sauce?”
“Judging from the War Tribunals,” said Parker, “I should say that was an under-statement. And then there’s America – a country, I understand, remarkably well supplied with religions.”
“Too true. Hunting for a single dog collar in the States must be like the proverbial needle. Still, we could make a few discreet inquiries, and meanwhile I’m going to totter up to Crofton with the old ’bus.”
“Crofton?”
“Where Miss Clara Whittaker and Miss Dawson used to live. I’m going to look for the man with the little black bag- the strange, suspicious solicitor, you remember, who came to see Miss Dawson two years ago, and was so anxious that she should make a will. I fancy he knows all there is to know about the Rev. Hallelujah and his claim. Will you come too?”
“Can’t- not without special permission. I’m not officially on this case, you know.”
“You’re on the Gotobed business. Tell the Chief you think they’re connected. I shall need your restraining presence. No less ignoble pressure than that of the regular police force will induce a smoke-dried family lawyer to spill the beans.”
Well, I’ll try- if you’ll promise to drive with reasonable precaution.”
“Be thou as chaste as ice and have a license as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. I am not a dangerous driver. Buck up and get your leave. The snow-white horse-power foams and frets and the blue bonnet- black in this case- is already, in a manner of speaking, over the border.”
“You’ll drive me over the border one of these days,” grumbled Parker, and went to the ’phone to call up Sir Andrew Mackenzie at Scotland Yard.
Crofton is a delightful little old-world village, tucked away amid the maze of criss-cross country roads which fills the triangle of which Coventry, Warwick and Birmingham mark the angles. Through the falling night, “Mrs. Merdle” purred her way delicately round hedge-blinded corners and down devious lanes, her quest made no easier by the fact that Warwick County Council had pitched upon that particular week for a grand repainting of signposts and had reached the preliminary stage of laying a couple of thick coats of gleaming white paint over all the lettering. At intervals the patient Bunter unpacked himself from the back seat and climbed one of these uncommunicative guides to peer at it’s blank surface with a torch- a process which reminded Parker of Alan Quartermaine trying to trace the features of the departed Kings of the Kukuanas under their calcareous shrouds of stalactite. One of the posts turned out to be in the wet-paint stage, which added to the depression of the party. Finally, after several misdirections, blind alleys, and reversings back to the main road, they came to a fourways. The signpost here must have been in extra need of repairs, for it’s arms had been removed bodily; it stood, stark and ghastly- a long, livid finger erected in wild protest to the unsympathetic heavens.
“It’s starting to rain,” observed Parker, conversationally.
“Look here, Charles, if you’re going to bear up cheerfully and be the life and soul of the expedition, say so and have done with it, I’ve got a good, heavy spanner handy under the seat, and Bunter can help bury the body.”
“I think this must be Brushwood Cross,” resumed Parker, who had the map on his knee. “If so, and if it’s not Covert Corner, which I thought we passed half an hour ago, one of those roads leads directly to Crofton.”
“That would be highly encouraging if we only knew which road we were on.”
“We can always try them in turn, and come back if we find we’re going wrong.”
“They bury suicides at crossroads,” replied Wimsey, dangerously.
“There’s a man sitting under that tree,” pursued Parker. “We can ask him.”
“He’s lost his way too, or he wouldn’t be sitting there,” retorted the other. “People don’t sit about in the rain for fun.”
At this moment the man observed their approach and, rising, advanced to meet them with raised, arresting hand.
Wimsey brought the car to a standstill
“Excuse me,” said the stranger, who turned out to be a youth in motor-cycling kit, “but could you give me a hand with my ’bus?”
“What’s the matter with her?”
“Well, she won’t go.”
“I guessed as much,” said Wimsey. “Though why she should wish to linger in a place like this beats me.” He got out of the car, and the youth, diving into the hedge, produced the patient for inspection.