Chapter 19

At seven a.m. Wednesday morning, I rolled out of bed to stagger around the water tower. It was the worst I'd felt in a week, but I was doing much better at keeping the Grey at bay—at least when there were no ghosts or witches or vampires around. It was an ever-present thin mist dodging around the edges of my vision now, throwing occasional ghost-shapes over the landscape ahead. The constant flickering at the corners of my eyes left me a little dizzy.

When I stumbled home, I called Colleen Shadley to say I'd found Cameron.

Silence sat on the line a while before she asked, "Under what circumstances?"

"Living in his car down in Pioneer Square." "Why? That's not like him." "He had a personal problem and he panicked." "Ridiculous. Why didn't he call me? I certainly could have taken care of it."

"He was scared but wanted to take care of the problem himself. He got in a little over his head. I've agreed to help him deal with it," I explained. "He should be calling you soon. If you don't hear from him, please let me know."

"It must be drugs," she stated. "It's the only way I can account for this behavior."

That sounded familiar. "This has nothing to do with drugs. He's just young and his situation was more complicated than he realized."

"What is this situation you keep talking about?" she demanded.

"Cameron wanted to discuss it with you himself." I was biting my tongue pretty hard as my temper rose. Sarah's view of her mother snapped into focus.

"I paid for this investigation. You have a contractual obligation to tell me."

The temperature of my voice hovered near freezing. "No, Colleen. The contract gives me discretion on matters not directly bearing on the job, and I'm exercising that clause. You paid for me to find your son, not to spy on him. If he doesn't call you within twenty-four hours, then I'll be glad to discuss whatever you want. But your son asked for some time to straighten out a few things and I'm giving him that courtesy."

"Will I be billed for this 'courtesy'?"

"No."

"I'll call you as soon as I hear from Cameron. Or not." She cracked the phone into the cradle as she hung up.

I slithered out of my sweats and running shoes and flopped back into bed. I felt like a Chihuahua in a wind tunnel. Flat on my back, eyes closed… I was more tired than I should have been, but the constant wearing nausea was gone. I couldn't see the Grey. I was aware of it, but it wasn't immediate. Without the flickering, the treacherous false ground, the heaving, unstill world on top of the world, only fatigue remained. It was the Grey that left me queasy and worn, the uneven, sporadic view, the constant expenditure of energy to figure out what was real and hold back the rest.

Groaning, I got up and called Mara. Inside an hour, I was back in the Danzigers' kitchen.

I held on to a cup of coffee, but I wasn't drinking it. "I have to get a handle on this. I know I'm a lousy student, but bear with me. I agreed to help Cameron with his problem, but I'll have to get closer to the Grey to do it."

Mara started to say something and I waved her down. "And much as I don't like it, you were right. This isn't going away. I don't want to be a witch or a psychic or a Greywalker or anything else. I just want to do my job, but I can't seem to without help. Cameron is… well, he's not quite like the rest of us, and I'm going to have to deal with more like him. And this other investigation keeps turning up dead men. I've never dealt with this many recently deceased in my life. I'm at three now and the coincidence is bugging me. What's with the dead guys?"

Mara swallowed a bite of muffin. "I've been considering that. You're like a pebble in a pond, putting out Grey ripples, and all the fishes in that pond come swimming to see. That's part of the difficulties you've been having. They swarm around and frighten you. And perhaps a few of them are pushing you in some way you can't yet discern."

"You mean like that geas thing?"

"No. What I'm wondering, now that it's come up, is this. If a vampire, like Cameron, can have problems which need help solving, why not other creatures of the Grey? Some of them can't communicate well, and others may need help which cannot be easily found. And here you are. Perhaps the number of dead you are turning up is no coincidence at all, but a sign that you're dealing with something out of the ordinary. And as they're attracted to you, so are a lot of other Grey things."

I forced a laugh. "I hope not. The last thing I want is a client list from a horror novel."

"If they choose to come to you, how will you turn them away? And is it even fair to do so?"

I put the coffee cup down. "Don't start on the ethics. I'm already tied up about this as it is."

She shrugged, but she'd made her point.

I picked apart a muffin, scattering the bits around my plate.

Mara pushed hers aside. "I looked up a couple of simple tricks and I'm thinking they might help you out."

"Not more trips to the Grey today, please, Mara."

"No, no. These are truly simple. In a way, you already know one and the other's not any harder."

I sighed. "What've you got?"

She grinned, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "You've learned to push the Grey back so it's just a bit of a flicker on the edges, right?"

I nodded.

"So, if you look sideways and concentrate on that Grey flicker you should be just seeing into the Grey. Sort of a filter."

"Hey… I think I did that, in a way, when I was looking for Cameron in his car."

"Then all you need do now is refine the technique. Don't look straight on, just peek out of the corner of your eye."

The first few times I tried it, the Grey just slipped around and disappeared, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly.

As I peered from the corner of my eye while the sensation of the Grey barrier raised the hair on my arms, a tiny slice of the world went cold silver. I could see white shapes squirreling along the floor and up the walls like vines, weaving glowing lattices through the house.

I gasped. "That's why nothing gets in here! That's why you weren't worried about Cameron. The house has a… a…"

Mara whooped. "Tender's Lace. It's a protective charm, just very large. Let's try the other. This time, you'll need to sort of grab the edge of the Grey and bend it round you."

"What? I thought you said I didn't need to go in there."

"You don't. You can do it from either side if you can catch the thing. That'll be the tricky part."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why would I want to?"

"Because, while the edge of the Grey is no barrier to you, it is to one of them. If you can bend a bit of the edge around you, it'll act as a shield. Not for very long, I suspect, but it should at least bounce things back from you, if they aren't too solid. Wouldn't have much of an effect on Cameron, but should keep a ghost back. You could try it with Albert."

"I'd rather take your word for it than invite Albert to cuddle up, if you don't mind."

"Why? Do you think he's angry at you?"

"I'd rather not find out today."

"Try the trick anyway. I can test it, if you prefer."

"I'm still not so sure…"

I felt around for the edge of the Grey, but since I was trying to grab it, naturally I couldn't. I could only find it as a rippling wall of here/ there. Every time I tried to catch it, it bulged away.

"It's not physical," Mara reminded me. "It's a mental trick. Just push it around."

I pushed. The cloud-mist in front of me curved, leaving a clear bubble between me and it. I moved my hands to grab it, not thinking. The Grey gleamed like glass in front of my hands and slid a bit, keeping the same distance as before. I stared at it and moved my hands apart.

The gleaming bit of Grey grew. It felt heavy, as if the Grey not-mist had developed weight and was pushing back on my hands. My finger-tips went white from the intense cold. I jerked my hands back and the Grey slumped back into its usual roiling storm-light.