I put down the letter and stared at nothing for a long time.

If this letter had reached me sooner, the last week of my life would have been far different. Certainly Emma would still be alive, though I'd probably never have met her.

A century ago, people occasionally came to a crossroads in their lives and had to choose a direction. Today, we live inside of microchips with a million paths opening and closing every nanosecond. What's worse, someone else is pushing the buttons.

After about half an hour of contemplating the meaning of life, the doorbell rang and I answered it. It was the cops, specifically some clowns from Internal Affairs who seemed annoyed with me for some reason. I went down to One Police Plaza with them to explain why I'd failed to return official phone calls and why I'd missed my appointment, not to mention my moonlighting as a Southold Township cop. My boss, Lieutenant Wolfe, was there, which sucked, but Dom Fanelli was there, too, and we had a nice reunion and a few laughs.

Anyway, the bosses went through this crap about all the trouble I was in, so I called my lawyer and my Detective Endowment Association rep, and by evening we were close to a deal.

That's life. The meaning of life has not much to do with good and evil, right and wrong, duty, honor, country, or any of that. It has to do with cutting the right deal.

CHAPTER 38

Alight snow fell on Tenth Avenue, and from where I was on the sixth floor, I could see the flakes swirling through the streetlights and the headlights below.

My class was filing into the room, but I didn't turn to look. It was the first class of the new semester, and I expected about thirty students, more or less, though I hadn't looked at the roster. The name of the course was Criminal Justice 709-subtitled, Homicide Investigations. There would be fifteen two-hour sessions, meeting once a week on Wednesdays, plus conferences. The course was worth three credits. We would examine techniques of securing the crime scene, identifying, collecting, and safeguarding evidence, working relationships with other specialists including fingerprint technicians and forensic pathologists, plus interrogation techniques. In the last four sessions, we would examine some notorious homicide cases. We would not examine the multiple homicides on the North Fork of Long Island. I would make that very clear from the beginning.

The students in my course usually ranged from cop wannabes to visiting detectives here in New York on somebody else's nickel, some city and suburban uniformed cops who had their eye on the gold shield, or wanted a leg up on the promotion exams, plus, now and then, a defense lawyer who would learn from me how to get his scumbag clients found not guilty on a technicality.

Once, I had a guy who never missed a session, listened to every word I said, got an A in the course, then went out and murdered his wife's boyfriend. He thought he'd committed the perfect crime, but a random eyewitness helped get him a room down the hall from Old Sparky. Goes to show you. I think he still deserved the A.

I'd written my name on the blackboard, and under my name I wrote the name of the course for the would-be Sherlock Holmeses who needed more than the instructor's name and room number to be certain they were in the right place.

So, part of my deal with the NYPD was their cooperation regarding my three-quarter disability, the dropping of all contemplated charges against me, and the department's help in securing me an adjunct professorship and a two-year contract at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. There is a strong connection between the NYPD and John Jay, so this wasn't too difficult a task for them to accomplish. For my part, all I had to do was retire and make positive public statements about the NYPD and my superiors. I'm living up to my end. Every day when I'm on the subway, I say aloud and publicly, "The New York Police Department is great. I love Lieutenant Wolfe."

The bell rang, and I moved from the window to the rostrum. I said, "Good evening. I'm'John Corey, formerly a homicide detective with the NYPD. On your desk, you'll find a general course outline, a list of required and recommended reading, and some suggested topics for papers and projects." I added, "You'll all make in-class presentations of your projects." And this will cut down considerably on me having to give thirty hours of lecture.

I babbled on a bit about the course and about grades and attendance, and such. I caught the eyes of some of the students in the first rows, and indeed they ran the gamut from eighteen to eighty, about half male and half female, whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, a guy with a turban, two women with saris, and a priest with a Roman collar. Only in New York. What they all had in common, I guess, was an interest in homicide detection. Murder is fascinating and frightening; it is the great taboo, the one crime, perhaps, that every culture in every age has condemned as the Numero Uno offense against society, the tribe, the clan, the individual.

So, I saw a lot of bright eyes and nodding heads as I spoke, and I guess we all wanted to be here, which was not always the case in the classroom.

I said, "We'll also examine some nonscientific approaches to the investigation such as the idea of hunches, instinct, and intuition. We'll try to define these-"

"Excuse me, Detective."

I looked up and saw a hand raised and waving around in the last row. Jeez. At least wait until I finish my spiel. The hand was connected to a body, I guess, but the female who owned the hand had positioned herself behind a huge guy and all I could see was the hand waving. I said, "Yes?"

Beth Penrose stood and I almost fell to the floor. She said, "Detective Corey, will you address the issues of lawful search and seizure, and suspects' rights regarding unlawful searches, and also how to get along with your partner without pissing him or her off?"

The class laughed. I was not amused.

I cleared my throat and said, "I… Take a five-minute break in the classroom, and I'll be right back." I left the room and walked down the hall. All the other classes were in session and the corridor was quiet. I stopped at the water fountain and took a needed drink.

Beth Penrose stood a few feet away and watched me. I straightened up and regarded her awhile. She was wearing tight blue jeans, hiking boots, and a plaid flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up and a few top buttons opened. This was more tomboyish than I would have expected. I said, "How's that bullet wound?"

"No problem. Just a graze, but it left a scar."

"Tell your grandchildren about it."

"Right."

We stood looking at each other.

Finally, she said, "You never called me."

"No, I never did."

"Dom Fanelli has been kind enough to keep me up-to-date on you."

"Has he? I'll punch him in the nose when I see him."

"No, you won't. I like him. Too bad he's married."

"That's what he says. Are you enrolled in this class?"

"Sure am. Fifteen sessions, two hours each, meet every Wednesday."

"And you come all the way in from… where is it that you live?"

" Huntington. Takes less than two hours by car or by train. Class ends at nine so I'll be home for the eleven o'clock news." She asked me, "How about you?"

"I'll be home for the ten o'clock news."

"I mean, what are you doing besides teaching?"

"That's enough to do. Three day classes, one night class."

"Do you miss the job?" she asked.

'"I guess… yeah. I miss the job, the guys I worked with, the… sense of doing something… but I definitely don't miss the bureaucracy or the bullshit. It was time to move on. How about you? Still gung ho?"