It had never been like this with Alan. Sex with him had been good, but not mind-blowing, knock-your-socks-off, out-of-this-world incredible. And that had only been teleintimacy.

What would it be like tonight, when he was actually touching her? When she could touch him. When she could taste him. Her mouth watered and she groaned at her reaction. This was so not good. It was too much. Was she really going to his apartment for dinner…and sex?

Originally, she was supposed to be doing her own investigation of who he was, what he liked, what his home life was like…reconnaissance. Only they’d turned the evening into so much more. Or was it?

Was Ethan’s sexual interest in her connected to the case? He said the relationship had to look real to fool the adversary. He knew she wasn’t an agent. Was he doing what needed to be done to make sure his case was not compromised, even in a twisted way…protecting her from her own lack of experience in playing a role?

She wished she could dismiss the idea as paranoid, but not only was he a great agent, he was beyond dedicated. He would do whatever he had to make sure he successfully executed a mission. She was absolutely sure it would not be the first time he’d manufactured a relationship for the sake of his cause. Her dad had done the same thing. That’s how her parents had met.

They had fallen in love. Which some might say was a happy ending, but Beth had always wondered how her mom had felt about being pursued initially as a means to an end. She’d never asked and her mom had never offered. They didn’t have that kind of cozy girl-chat-type relationship. But Beth knew that her mom had fallen in love with her dad and they had married, despite the fact her dad had not been the politician her mom had always thought she would marry.

Her mom had modified her dreams for her dad. Beth had never seen the opposite in action, but it could have happened. Who knew what plans her dad had treasured in his heart before he met and married a woman wed to the lifestyle in D.C.? As Vannie from TGP was fond of saying, that was their lookout.

But did Beth want to risk a similar scenario? What if she fell in love with Ethan? What then? Every fear she’d ever had about getting involved with an agent came flooding back. She’d be stuck in the very sort of relationship she’d spent so many years avoiding.

Just as painful a prospect, what if she fell in love and he didn’t? Which was all too likely. He could walk away with his life and heart in tact while she was left to bleed and hurt again. She wanted it to be simply sex, but the chemistry between them was so strong. Intimacy with him was bound to engage her emotions. Deeply.

She knew some people saw lust as a purely physical reaction and maybe it was…for them. But there was a reason she’d only ever had one lover. Sexual desire went hand-in-hand with an emotional connection for her. And the way she’d felt last night-talking to Ethan and touching herself-had almost been spiritual. Which was really silly.

How could something as earthy as phone sex be that affecting? Maybe she was imbuing it with more than what it really was. Was it possible that because she’d always connected emotions with sex that she was doing so again now, but it would be possible not to? She was twenty-nine years old, not a starry-eyed teen. Surely she should be able to control her emotions while having wild-monkey sex with Ethan.

If she was going to make love with him, she would have to. Not to do so would be to court disaster of a magnitude that could outstrip her aborted wedding three years ago. One dose of that kind of humiliation and pain in a lifetime was enough.

And unlike Alan, who had wanted her for herself, Ethan’s motives were murky at best.

The more she thought about it, the more certain she became that he was pursuing her sexually for the sake of the case. He’d never made an overture before and now all of a sudden, he wanted her naked. She couldn’t be sure that the attraction was even for her. It wasn’t that she doubted her sexual desirability, only his timing in discovering it.

He said he got a hard-on from going through her sexy lingerie, but he could have been fantasizing about someone else. He was a professional…he’d know how to do whatever it took to get the job done. Including how to project a façade of sexual desire when he was actually indifferent. He’d as much as said so the night before.

Certainly, she’d always perceived his reaction to her as more indifference than attraction. Why after two years was he suddenly breaking thermometers in his sexual pursuit of her? The most logical answer was that he was using it as a way to guarantee the viability of his case.

If the sexual need on his side was manufactured for the sake of the case…did she want it?

Would that make it better or worse for her? Would she be less likely to fall in love with someone who she knew was using their intimacy as a way to do his job better? Or would it matter? Love wasn’t exactly a rational emotion, but she was a rational being. For the most part.

Could her own innate streak of emotional realism protect her from making the same mistake with Ethan that she had made with Alan? Did she even want to take the risk?

One of the kittens meowed and she jumped. It was time to get ready for the day and feed her furry friends. Only with the plaintive quality of the mewling coming from the kitchen, she’d better reverse the order of those actions.

She padded naked into the kitchen to put out their food, her mind twisting with thoughts she could not tame into any semblance of order.

She was no closer to a sense of certainty by the time she sat down at her desk at work an hour later and started going through her e-mail.

“Good morning, Beth.”

Her head shot up and she gave Alan a weak smile. “Good morning. How is your first case coming along?”

“Fine. It’s more research than anything else. No sweat. You look peaked this morning. Stressed about your upcoming assignment?”

“A little.” Which was the truth, if not all of it.

His hair gleamed almost blue-black under the fluorescent lights, his gray eyes narrowed under dark brows. “I was surprised your dad pushed you into it. Are you sure it’s something you should be doing?”

She manufactured a smile, not sure at all, but unwilling to back out of a commitment she’d made. Keeping her promises was one of the things that Beth insisted on for her personal sense of honor. She’d had too many promises broken to her as a child, and then later, to ever dismiss her responsibilities for the sake of even roiling emotions.

“I’ll be fine. It’s not like I’m pretending to be something I’m not. Only something I used to be.”

“What about the relationship with Ethan? That’s pretense…isn’t it?”

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She wasn’t sure how to answer. Did the visual intimacy they had shared in her apartment and the wild encounter on the phone later constitute a relationship, or mistake?

“Not anymore.” The words were Ethan’s and his voice carried a warning note that made Alan’s expression tighten and Beth’s heart rate increase.

Her gaze jerked to Ethan, who had approached silently from his office. He was dressed in his signature dark jeans and a body-hugging, ribbed knit silk T-shirt. His blond hair was in its usual sexy style and his features did not show any of the ravages of lack of sleep. His eyes were filled with the warning his voice had implied as he met Alan’s gaze.

Ethan must have come in early because he had not walked by her desk since she’d arrived. She’d been so caught up in her thoughts, she hadn’t done her usual check to see whose computers were active when she arrived. She clicked a shortcut to a macro she’d created to do just that, while her mind grappled with his presence and what his words and attitude implied.