Why should it bother me that he thought Melanie was beautiful?

You’ve got me there. My feelings were no clearer to her than they were to me.

He brushed my hair back from my forehead.

“But, pretty as she is, she’s a stranger to me. She’s not the one I… care about.”

That made me feel better. Which was even more confusing.

“Ian, you don’t… Nobody here separates us the way they should. Not you, not Jamie, not Jeb.” The truth came out in a rush, more heated than I’d meant it to be. “You couldn’t care about me. If you could hold me in your hand, me, you would be disgusted. You would throw me to the ground and grind me under your foot.”

His pale forehead creased as his black brows pulled together. “I… not if I knew it was you.”

I laughed without humor. “How would you know? You couldn’t tell us apart.”

His mouth turned down.

“It’s just the body,” I repeated.

“That’s not true at all,” he disagreed. “It’s not the face, but the expressions on it. It’s not the voice, but what you say. It’s not how you look in that body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.”

He moved forward as he spoke, kneeling beside the bed where I lay and taking my hand again in both of his.

“I’ve never known anyone like you.”

I sighed. “Ian, what if I’d come here in Magnolia’s body?”

He grimaced and then laughed. “Okay. That’s a good question. I don’t know.”

“Or Wes’s?”

“But you’re female-you yourself are.”

“And I always request whatever a planet’s equivalent is. It seems more… right. But I could be put into a man and I would function just fine.”

“But you’re not in a man’s body.”

“See? That’s my point. Body and soul. Two different things, in my case.”

“I wouldn’t want it without you.”

“You wouldn’t want me without it.”

He touched my cheek again and left his hand there, his thumb under my jaw. “But this body is part of you, too. It’s part of who you are. And, unless you change your mind and turn us all in, it’s who you will always be.”

Ah, the finality of it. Yes, I would die in this body. The final death.

And I will never live in it again, Melanie whispered.

It’s not how either of us planned our future, is it?

No. Neither of us planned to have no future.

“Another internal conversation?” Ian guessed.

“We’re thinking of our mortality.”

“You could live forever if you left us.”

“Yes, I could.” I sighed. “You know, humans have the shortest life span of any species I’ve ever been, except the Spiders. You have so little time.”

“Don’t you think, then…” Ian paused and leaned closer to me so that I couldn’t seem to see anything around his face, just snow and sapphire and ink. “That maybe you should make the most of what time you have? That you should live while you’re alive?”

I didn’t see it coming the way I had with Jared. Ian was not as familiar to me. Melanie realized what he was going to do before I did, just a second before his lips touched mine.

No!

It wasn’t like kissing Jared. With Jared, there was no thought, only desire. No control. A spark to gasoline-inevitable. With Ian, I didn’t even know what I felt. Everything was muddled and confused.

His lips were soft and warm. He pressed them only lightly to mine, and then brushed them back and forth across my mouth.

“Good or bad?” he whispered against my lips.

Bad! Bad, bad!

“I-I can’t think.” When I moved my mouth to speak, he moved his with it.

“That sounds… good.”

His mouth pressed down with more force now. He caught my lower lip between his and pulled on it gently.

Melanie wanted to hit him-so much more than she’d wanted to punch Jared. She wanted to shove him away and then kick his face. The image was horrible. It conflicted jarringly with the sensation of Ian’s kiss.

“Please,” I whispered.

“Yes?”

“Please stop. I can’t think. Please.”

He sat back at once, clasping his hands in front of him. “Okay,” he said, his tone cautious.

I pressed my hands against my face, wishing I could push out Melanie’s anger.

“Well, at least nobody punched me.” Ian grinned.

“She wanted to do more than that. Ugh. I don’t like it when she’s mad. It hurts my head. Anger is so… ugly.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“Because I didn’t lose control. She only breaks free when I’m… overwhelmed.”

He watched as I kneaded my forehead.

Calm down, I begged her. He’s not touching me.

Has he forgotten that I’m here? Doesn’t he care? This is me, it’s me!

I tried to explain that.

What about you? Have you forgotten Jared?

She threw the memories at me the way she’d done in the beginning, only this time they were like blows. A thousand punches of his smile, his eyes, his lips on mine, his hands on my skin…

Of course not. Have you forgotten that you don’t want me to love him?

“She’s talking to you.”

“Yelling at me,” I corrected.

“I can tell now. I can see you concentrate on the conversation. I never noticed before today.”

“She’s not always this vocal.”

“I am sorry, Melanie,” he said. “I know this must be impossible for you.”

Again, she visualized smashing her foot into his sculpted nose, leaving it crooked like Kyle’s. Tell him I don’t want his apologies.

I winced.

Ian half smiled, half grimaced. “She doesn’t accept.”

I shook my head.

“So she can break free? If you’re overwhelmed?”

I shrugged. “Sometimes, if she takes me by surprise and I’m too… emotional. Emotion makes it hard to concentrate. But it’s been more difficult for her lately. It’s like the door between us is locked. I don’t know why. I tried to let her out when Kyle -” I stopped talking abruptly, grinding my teeth together.

“When Kyle tried to kill you,” he finished matter-of-factly. “You wanted her free? Why?”

I just stared at him.

“To fight him?” he guessed.

I didn’t answer.

He sighed. “Okay. Don’t tell me. Why do you think the… door is locked?”

I frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe the time passing… It worries us.”

“But she broke through before, to punch Jared.”

“Yes.” I shuddered at the memory of my fist striking his jaw.

“Because you were overwhelmed and emotional?”

“Yes.”

“What did he do? Just kiss you?”

I nodded.

Ian flinched. His eyes tightened.

“What?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

“When Jared kisses you, you are… overwhelmed by emotion.”

I stared at him, worried by the expression on his face. Melanie enjoyed it. That’s right!

He sighed. “And when I kiss you… you aren’t sure if you like it. You are not… overwhelmed.”

“Oh.” Ian was jealous. How very strange this world was. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I told you I’d give you time, and I don’t mind waiting for you to think things through. I don’t mind that at all.”

“What do you mind?” Because he minded something very much.

He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I saw how you loved Jamie. That was always really obvious. I guess I should have seen that you loved Jared, too. Maybe I didn’t want to. It makes sense. You came here for the two of them. You love them both, the same way Melanie did. Jamie like a brother. And Jared…”

He was looking away, staring at the wall over me. I had to look away, too. I stared at the sunlight where it touched the red door.

“How much of that is Melanie?” he wanted to know.

“I don’t know. Does it matter?”

I could barely hear his answer. “Yes. It does to me.” Without looking at me or seeming to notice what he was doing, Ian took my hand again.

It was very quiet for a minute. Even Melanie was still. That was nice.

Then, as though a switch had been flipped, Ian was his normal self again. He laughed.