"Andras, I really do appreciate the help you and the abbot have given me, and I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but did you ever consider that some people get power by convincing others they should constantly be fearful?" she asked.

"Abbot William gets his power from God," Andras said as if he was reciting a Sunday School lesson.

"I'm not saying that he doesn't; I'm only saying that just because something is beautiful or exotic or even wild, doesn't mean that it's dangerous or sinful," she said, forcing the knight to meet her gaze. He looked away quickly.

"I think you have become fatigued, and it is time we return," Andras said stonily. He was already busy repacking their leftovers.

"I think you're right. I am ready to return," CC said.

She stood looking out at sea like a breathing statue, ignoring the sounds the knight was making as he tossed their leftovers haphazardly into the basket. She felt displaced and alone. Her entire being ached to be a part of the waves. For an instant she thought she saw the glint of orange and gold, barely visible offshore just below the crystal surface, and she had to close her eyes. If she really saw him would she be able to stop herself from going to him? Then what would happen to them?

With her eyes still closed, she concentrated on sending two words out into the ocean. I'm sorry, she thought desperately. She wasn't sure if she was sending the message to the dolphin or to Dylan.

As she wearily accepted Andras's offered arm and trudged away from the water yet again, one thought was foremost in her mind. She had to talk to Gaea.

Chapter 14

"Shall I escort you back to your room? You just have time for a refreshing nap before evening vespers and dinner."

Andras turned to face her as they entered the front courtyard. They hadn't spoken on the walk back to the monastery, and the stiffness in the knight's voice matched his body language. CC knew that her behavior must baffle him, and she felt sorry for the tension between them, but her head was throbbing. She wanted relief from the stress of having to continually watch her words and actions around Andras, but she didn't want to be closed up in her little room.

"No, I think I'd rather explore the monastery." Andras opened his mouth and CC hurried on before he could insist on accompanying her. "And I think I need to spend some time alone in, uh, prayerful meditation before evening mass." She blinked innocently up at him.

"Of course. I would not want to intrude upon your need for prayer." His voice was smooth, but his eyes had hardened. CC was unexpectedly reminded of Abbot William.

"Didn't I see another courtyard and some gardens out past the dining room?" she asked.

"Yes. The entrance is through the hall on the other side of the monastery. You may enter it through the dining chamber. I need to take our basket back to the kitchens, so I can escort you to the entrance myself." He smiled at her, satisfied that she could not immediately escape him.

CC tried not to sigh when she took his arm. She knew the knight was well-meaning, but she could feel the pulse in her right temple beat in time with her headache. She truly needed some time alone. As they walked past the well, she was careful to keep Andras between it and her, but nothing unusual happened. She slanted a gaze at the silent rock structure. It looked innocent and mundane. Surely she hadn't imagined the image of Sarpedon?

The dining room was empty and Andras strode across it, leading her into another dimly lit hallway. At the far end of that hall there was an arched exit that opened to a large courtyard-like area. Andras pointed at the exit.

"Through there are the gardens and a pond. At the far end is the chapel." His gaze was searing as he raised her hand and pressed it firmly to his lips. "I look forward to escorting you to evening mass."

She pulled her hand free. "Thank you for lunch. I'm going to attend to my prayers now," she reminded him in case he was having second thoughts about letting her go. Then she beat a hasty retreat.

CC stepped briskly into the garden area and glanced around to make sure there was no one was nearby. Without conscious thought, she wiped Andras's lip print off her hand. She needed to talk to Gaea. Perhaps tonight she should sneak out into the woods. Maybe she would be able to find the goddess there. Absently, she continued to rub the back of her hand. She sighed, wishing she had a couple of Tylenols.

CC began to walk slowly down a little trail that curved and looped through the monastery gardens. Ornamental trees and trellises laced with fragrant flowers dotted the area. Everything was meticulously cared for—not a leaf was out of place or a branch unpruned.

"No wildness, that's for sure," CC mumbled to herself.

Stone benches were arranged strategically amidst the greenery so that one could sit and meditate with the opti-mum of privacy. CC thought it felt wrong—too contrived, too well planned. Somehow its controlled beauty came across as stilted and forced.

A delicate breeze brought the tinkle of running water to her, and automatically she followed the sound, choosing a left-handed fork in the path that turned in the direction of the outer monastery wall. The path brought her all the way to the wall, which was lined with oaks that were decidedly older than those in the rest of the garden. CC smiled up at them. These were obviously too big for the monks to cut and reshape into their idea of proper foliage. Actually, that whole area looked more natural than the rest of the gardens. Wildflowers painted the grasses with splashes of orange, violet and lace, and honeysuckle vines covered the wall, filling the air with sweetness. A little brook ran along the wall, too. It bubbled noisily over smooth rocks, pooling in a rounded area before disappearing under the wall and out into the forest. There was no orchestrated sitting area, so CC brushed off the top of a large rock that rested near the pool and sat down. She watched a frog leap from the bank to a lily pad and let the sound of running water ease away her headache.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered.

"About what, Daughter?"

CC pressed a hand against her chest like she was trying to hold down her leaping heart. The clear, beautiful voice of the goddess came from above her. CC looked up to see Gaea reclining regally along a thick branch of the largest oak. Today her transparent robes were the color of bark, except that the browns and grays in the material shimmered magically like they had been sprinkled with gold dust.

"You're going to give me a heart attack someday," CC said.

Gaea's laughter made the water reeds and grasses sway in response. CC looked around quickly, worry creasing her brow.

"Do not worry, Undine," Gaea reassured her. "I choose who can see and hear me." A brief grimace marred her lovely face. "And none here will be allowed to hear me but you."

"I'm a little surprised to see you." CC gestured around at the monastery. "In here, anyway."

The corners of Gaea's eyes crinkled with her smile. "You might be surprised, Daughter, to learn that even here I have not been completely forgotten. But that is not why I have come." She sat up. The sparkling fabric of her gown drifted sensuously around her. "You look thirsty, Daughter." She clapped her manicured hands together and ordered, "Wine, please!"

Immediately a pewter goblet, decorated with vines and flowers, appeared in her hand. CC blinked in surprise and the goddess pointed to a spot on the ground in front of CC, where an identical goblet had appeared.

"I think you will enjoy the taste. Cernunnos gifted me with this particular vintage during the last fertility festival." She sipped and sighed happily. "He certainly knows wine."