Ayla pulled back. "I don't want to be a Zelandoni," she said.

The heavy woman eyed her with speculation. "Why not?"

"I just want to be a mother, and Jondalar's mate," Ayla said.

"Don't you want to be a healer anymore? You are as skilled as anyone, including me," the donier said.

Ayla frowned. "Well, yes, I want to keep on being a healer, too."

"You said you assisted your Mamut a few times in some of his other duties, didn't you find it interesting?" said the One Who Was First.

"It was interesting," Ayla conceded, "especially learning things I didn't know, but it was frightening, too."

"How much more frightening would it have been if you had been alone and unprepared? Ayla, you are a daughter of the Mammoth Hearth. Mamut had a reason for adopting you. I can see it, I think you can, too. Look inside yourself. Have you ever been frightened by something strange and unfamiliar when you were alone?"

Ayla refused to look at Zelandoni, looking away, and then down, but she nodded just slightly.

"You know there is something different about you, something few people have, don't you? You try to ignore it, put it out of your mind, but it's difficult sometimes, isn't it?"

Ayla glanced up. Zelandoni was staring at her, forcing her to look back, holding her eyes the way she had done the first time they met. Ayla struggled to look away, but couldn't quite do it. "Yes," she said softly. "It is difficult sometimes." Zelandoni released her hold, and Ayla looked down again.

"No one becomes Zelandoni unless they feel the call, Ayla," the woman said gently. "But what if you should feel the call and not be prepared? Don't you think it would be better to have some training, just in case? The possibility is there, no matter how much you may want to deny it to yourself."

"But doesn't the preparation in itself make it more likely?" Ayla asked.

"Yes. It does. But it can be interesting. I'll be honest with you. I want an acolyte. I don't have too many years left. I want the one who follows me to be trained by me. This is my Cave. I want the best for it. I am First Among Those Who Serve The Great Earth Mother. I don't say this often, but I am not First without reason. If a person is gifted, no one could train her better than I can. You are gifted, Ayla.

You are, perhaps, more gifted than I am. You could be First," Zelandoni said.

"What about Jonokol?" Ayla asked.

"You should know the answer to that. Jonokol is an excellent artist. He was happy to remain an acolyte. He never wanted to become a Zelandoni, until you showed him that cave. You know he'll be gone by next summer. He will move to the Nineteenth Cave as soon as he can get the Zelandoni of the Nineteenth to accept him, and find an excuse to leave me. He wants that Cave, Ayla, and I think he should have it. He will not only make it beautiful, in that cave, he will bring to life the world of the spirits," Zelandoni said.

"Look at this, Ayla!" Jondalar said, holding a flint point. He was full of excitement. "I heated the flint the way Wymez does, very hot. I knew I had it right when it cooled because it felt shiny and slick, almost as if it had been oiled. Then I retouched it bifacially, using the pressure techniques he developed. It still isn't up to his quality, but I think with practice, I may get close. I can see all kinds of possibilities. I can remove those long thin flakes, now. That means I can make points almost as thin as I want, and get a long straight edge for a knife or a spear, without the curve that you always get when you start with a blade detached from a core. I can even straighten those blades more easily with careful retouching on the inner side of both ends of a Curved blade. I can make any kind of notch I want. I can make shouldered points with a tang for hafting. You can't believe the control it gives me. I can do anything I want. It's almost like bending the stone to your will. That Wymez is a genius!"

Ayla smiled at him going on and on. "Wymez may be a genius, Jondalar, but you are just as good," she said.

"I only wish I were. Remember, he developed the process. I'm only trying to copy it. It's too bad he lives so far away. But I am grateful for the time I had with him. I wish Dalanar were here. He said he was going to experiment this winter, too, and I'd really like to discuss it with him."

Jondalar examined the blade again, looking it over critically. Then he looked up and smiled at her. "I almost forgot to tell you. I am definitely going to be taking on Matagan as an apprentice for more than this winter. Since he came to visit, I've been able to judge, and I think he does have talent and ability with the stone. I had a long talk with his mother and her mate, and Joharran is agreeable."

"I like Matagan," Ayla said. "I'm glad you will be teaching him your craft. You have so much patience, and you are the best flint-knapper of the Ninth Cave, probably of all the Zelandoni."

Jondalar smiled at her words. One's mate always made favorable comparisons, he said to himself, but at a deeper level, he thought it might be true. "Would it be all right if he stays with us all the time?"

"I think I would like that. We have so much room in the main room, we can take part of it to make him a sleeping room," she said. "I hope the baby doesn't disturb him. Jonayla still wakes up at night."

"Young men tend to be sound sleepers. I don't think he even hears her."

"I have been meaning to talk to you about something Zelandoni said," Ayla said.

Jondalar thought she looked a bit troubled. It was probably his imagination.

"Zelandoni asked me to be her acolyte. She wants to train me," Ayla blurted out.

Jondalar's head snapped up. "I didn't know you were interested in becoming a Zelandoni, Ayla."

"I didn't think I was, and I still don't know if I am. She has said before that she thought I belonged in the zelandonia, but the first time she asked me to be her acolyte was right after Jonayla was born. She says she really needs someone, and I already know something about healing. Just because I'm an acolyte doesn't mean I will necessarily become a Zelandoni. Jonokol has been an acolyte for a long time," Ayla said, looking down at the vegetables she was cutting.

Jondalar walked over to her and lifted her chin to look directly at her. Her eyes did look troubled. "Ayla, everyone knows the only reason Jonokol is Zelandoni's acolyte is because he's such a good artist, he captures the spirit of animals with great skill, and Zelandoni needs him for the ceremonies. He will never be a donier."

"He might. Zelandoni says he wants to move to the Nineteenth Cave," Ayla said.

"It's that new cave you found, isn't it?" Jondalar said. "Well, he'd be the right person for it. But if you become an acolyte, you would become a Zelandoni, wouldn't you?"

Ayla still could not refuse to answer a direct question or tell a lie. "Yes, Jondalar," she said. "I think someday I would be Zelandoni, if I join the zelandonia, but not right away."

"Is it what you want to do? Or has Zelandoni talked you into it because you are a healer?" Jondalar wanted to know.

"She says I already am Zelandoni, in a way. Maybe she's right, I don't know. She says I should be trained for my own protection. It could be very dangerous for me if I feel a call and I'm not prepared for it," Ayla said. She had never told him about the strange things that happened to her, and it felt like a lie, not telling him. Even in the Clan one could refrain from mentioning. It bothered her, but she still didn't tell him.

It was Jondalar's turn to look troubled. "There isn't much I can say about it, one way or another. It's your choice. It probably is best to be prepared. You don't know how you scared me when you and Mamut made that strange Journey. I thought you were dead, and I begged the Great Mother to bring you back. I don't think I ever begged for anything so hard in my life, Ayla. I hope you never do anything like that again."