"I assisted Mamut on a Search. It was a surprise to me the first time, but we seemed to have an affinity, and I was caught up in his Search," Ayla said.

"You Searched with your Mamut?" Zelandoni said with surprise. "What was it like?"

"It's hard to explain, but something like a bird flying over the land, but there was no wind," Ayla said, "and the land didn't look the same, exactly."

"Would you be willing to assist the zelandonia? We have some Searchers, but it is always better if there are more," the donier said. She could see some reluctance.

"I'd like to help… but… I don't want to be a Zelandoni. I just want to mate with Jondalar and have children," Ayla said.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to. No one can force you, Ayla, but if a Search leads to a successful hunt, then the Matrimonial will be lucky, or so it is believed, and will produce long matings and successful hearths-families," the First said.

"Yes, well, I suppose I could try to help, but I don't know if I can," Ayla said.

"Don't worry. No one is ever sure. All anyone can do is try." Zelandoni felt pleased with herself. It was obvious that Ayla was reluctant and would try to resist becoming zelandonia, and this would be a way to get her started. She needs to be a part of the zelandonia, the First thought. She has too much talent, too many skills, and she asks questions that are too intelligent. She has to be brought into the fold or she might create dissension outside of it.

Chapter 25

When they neared the camp, Wolf raced out to greet her. She saw him coming and braced herself, just in case he jumped up on her in his enthusiasm, but signaled him to stay down. He stopped, though it seemed it was all he could do to control himself. She hunkered down to his level and allowed him to lick her neck while she held him down until he composed himself. Then she stood up. He looked up at her with what seemed to her to be such a hopeful, yearning expression, she nodded her head and tapped the front of her shoulder. He jumped up, putting his paws where she had signaled and, with a low-rumbling growl, took her jaw in his teeth. She returned the gesture, and then she held his magnificent head in both her hands and looked into his gold-flecked eyes.

"I love you, too, Wolf, but sometimes I wonder why you love me so much. Is it just that I have become the leader of your pack, or is it something more?" Ayla said, touching her forehead to his, then signaled him down.

"You command love, Ayla," the First said, "and the love you invoke cannot be denied."

Ayla looked at her, thinking it was a strange comment. "I don't command anything," she said.

"You command that wolf. He is motivated to please you by the love he feels for you. It's not that you try to beguile or entice, but you draw it to you. And those who love you, love you profoundly. I see it in your animals. I see it in Jondalar. I know him. He has never loved anyone the way he loves you, and he never will. Perhaps it is because you give of yourself so fully and so openly, or perhaps it is a Gift from the Mother, to inspire love. You will always be loved with great fervor, but one must be wary of the Mother's Gifts."

"Why do people say that, Zelandoni?" Ayla asked. "Why should someone be concerned about a Gift from the Mother? Aren't Her Gifts a good thing?"

"Perhaps it's because Her Gifts are too good. Or because they are too powerful. How do you feel if someone gives you something of great value?" the donier asked.

"Iza taught me that a gift creates an obligation. You must give something of equal value back," Ayla said.

"The more I learn about the people who raised you, the more I grow to respect them," said the One Who Was First. "When the Great Earth Mother bestows a Gift, She may expect something in return, something of equal value. When much is given, much may be expected, but how can one know what that is until the time comes? So people are leery. Sometimes Her Gifts are too much, more than one wants, but they can't be given back. Too much doesn't necessarily bring any more happiness than not enough."

"Even too much love?" Ayla asked.

"The best example to answer that is Jondalar. He was definitely favored by the Mother," said the woman once known as Zolena, "too favored, he was given too much. He is so remarkably handsome and well made, he can't help but draw attention. Even his eyes are such an exceptional color, one can hardly keep from staring at him. He has a natural charm, people are drawn to him, but women in particular-I don't think there is a woman alive who could refuse him whatever he asked, not the Mother Herself-and he delights in pleasing women. He's intelligent, and exceptionally skilled at flint-knapping, and with it all he was given a caring heart, but he cares too much. He has too much love to give.

"Even his love for working the stone, for making tools, is for him a true passion. But the intensity of his feelings for whatever he loves is so strong, it can overwhelm him, and those he cares for. He fights to keep it under control, but it has occasionally gotten away from him. Ayla, I'm not sure you understand how powerful his feelings are. And all his Gifts didn't make him happy, at least not until now, they have often aroused more envy than love."

Ayla nodded with a thoughtful frown. "I have heard several people say Jondalar's brother Thonolan was a favorite of the Mother and that's why he was taken so young," Ayla said. "Was he exceptionally handsome, and given many Gifts?"

"He was a favorite of everyone, not only the Mother. Thonolan was a fine-looking man, but he didn't have the overwhelming… I'm tempted to say beauty-masculine beauty, to be sure-of Jondalar, but he had such a warm and open nature that wherever he went, people loved him, men and women alike. He made friends, easily and naturally, and no one resented him, or was envious of him," the woman said.

They had been standing and talking, with the wolf crouched at Ayla's feet. As they started walking again toward the campfire, Ayla still frowned, thinking about the donier's words.

"Now that Jondalar has brought you home, many men are even more envious, and many women are jealous of you, because he loves you," Zelandoni continued. "That was why Marona tried to make you look foolish. She was jealous, envious of both of you, I think, because you have found happiness in each other. Some people think she was given much, but all she ever had was an unusual beauty, and beauty alone is the most deceptive of Gifts. It doesn't last. She is an unpleasant woman, who seems to think of little besides herself, with few friends and no real talents. When Marona's beauty fades she will have nothing, I'm afraid, not even children, it seems."

They walked together a few steps, then Ayla stopped and turned toward the woman. "I haven't seen Marona lately, not for several days before we left and not on the trek here."

"She went back to the Fifth Cave with her friend and came here with them. She is staying at their camp," the donier said.

"I don't like Marona, but I am sorry for her if she can't have children. Iza knew some things that could be done to make a woman more receptive to the impregnating spirit," Ayla said.

"I know of a few, too, but she hasn't asked for help, and if she is really unable to conceive, nothing will help," the woman said.

Ayla heard the tone of sorrow in her voice. She would be sorry, too, if she couldn't have children. Then her frown was replaced by a radiant smile. "Did you know I am going to have a child?" she said. Zelandoni smiled back. Her speculation about Ayla was confirmed. "I'm very happy for you, Ayla. Does Jondalar know your mating has been blessed?"

"Yes. I told him. He's very pleased."

"He should be. Have you told anyone else?"