"Did they… hurt you?"
He shook his head. "I guess they figured I'd been hurt enough. It was a quieter sort of persuasion. Endless discussions. Relentless arguments as I recovered. I swore I wasn't going to let the enemy twist my head around. But I was weak. I was far from home. And they said things-so many things-I couldn't argue with. And after a while… after a while it made… well, sense. About this country being their house, about us being the burglars in the house. And wouldn't anyone with burglars in their house fight back?"
He let out a sigh. "I don't know anymore. It sounds so feeble now, but I just got tired. Tired of arguing. Tired of trying to explain what I was doing in their country. Tired of trying to defend God only knew what. It was easier just to agree with them. And after a while, I actually started to believe it. Believe what they were telling me." He looked down. "According to some people, that makes me a traitor."
"To some people. Not to me."
He was silent.
"Why didn't you come home?" she asked.
"Look at me, Willy. Who'd want me back?"
"We did."
"No, you didn't. Not the man I'd become." He laughed hollowly. "Everyone would be pointing at me, whispering behind my back, talking about my face. Is that the kind of father you wanted? The kind of husband your mother wanted? Back home, people expect you to have a nose and ears and eyebrows." He shook his head. "Ann…Ann was so beautiful. I-I couldn't go back to that."
"But what do you have here? Look at you, at what you're wearing, at how skinny you are. You're starving, wasting away."
"I eat what the rest of the village eats. It's enough to live on." He picked at the rag that served as his shirt. "Clothes, I never much cared about."
"You gave up a family!"
"I-I found another family, Willy. Here."
She stared at him, stunned.
"I have a wife. Her name's Lan. And we have children. A baby girl and two boys… eight and ten. They can speak English, and a little French… "he said helplessly.
'' We were at home!''
"But I was here. And Lan was here. She saved my life, Willy. She was the one who kept me alive through the infections, the fevers, the endless pain."
"You said you begged to die."
"Lan was the one who made me want to live again."
Willy stared at that man with half a face, the man she'd once called her father. The lashless eyes looked back at her, unblinking. Awaiting judgment.
She still had a face, a normal life, she thought. What right did she have to condemn him?
She looked away. "So. What do I tell Mom?"
"I don't know. Maybe nothing."
"She has a right to know."
"Maybe it would be kinder if she didn't."
"Kinder to whom? You or her?"
He looked down at his feet in their dirty slippers. "I suppose I deserve that. Whatever you have to say, I deserve it. But God knows, I wanted to make it up to her. And to you. I sent money-twenty, maybe thirty thousand dollars. You got it, didn't you?"
"We never knew who sent it."
"You weren't supposed to know. Nora Walker arranged it through a bank in Bangkok. It was everything I had. All that was left of the gold."
She gave him a bewildered look and saw that his gaze had shifted toward the plane's fuselage. "You were carrying gold?"
"I didn't know it at the time. It was our little rule at Air America: Never ask about the cargo. Just fly the plane. But after she went down, after I crawled out of the wreckage, I saw it. Gold bars scattered all over the ground. It was crazy. There I was, half my damn face burned off, and I remember thinking, 'I'm rich. If I live through this, son of a bitch,
I'm rich' " He laughed, then, at his own lunacy, at the absurdity of a dying man rejoicing among the ashes. "I buried some of the gold, threw some in the bushes. I thought-I guess I thought it would be my ticket out. That if I was captured, I could use it to bargain for my freedom."
"What happened?"
He looked off at the trees. "They found me. NVA soldiers. And they found most of the gold." He shrugged. "They kept us both."
"But not forever. You didn't have to stay-" She stopped. "Didn't you ever think of us?"
"I never stopped thinking of you. After the war, after all that-that insanity was over, I came back here, dug up what gold they hadn't found. I asked Nora to get it out to you." He looked at Willy. "Don't you see? I never forgot you. I just…" He stopped, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I just couldn't go back.''
In the trees above, branches rattled in the wind. Leaves drifted down in a soft rain of green.
He turned away. "I suppose you'll want to go back to Hanoi. I'll see that someone drives you… "
"Dad?"
He halted, not daring to look at her.
"Your little boys. You-say they understand English?"
He nodded.
She paused. "Then we ought to understand each other, the boys and I." she said. "I mean, assuming they want to meet me… "
Her father quickly rubbed a hand across his eyes. But when he turned to look at her, she could still see the tears glistening there. He smiled…and held out his hand to her.
She'd been gone too long.
Three hours had passed, and Guy was more than worried. He was scared out of his head. Something wasn't right. It was that old instinct of his, that sense of doom closing in, and he was helpless to do anything about it. A dozen different images kept forming in his mind, each one progressively more terrible. Willy screaming. Dying. Or already dead in the jungle. When at last he heard the rumble of the jeep, he was hovering at the edge of panic.
Dr. Andersen was at the wheel. "Good morning, Mr. Barnard!" he called cheerily as Guy stalked over to him.
"Where is she?"
"She is safe."
"Prove it."
Andersen threw open the door and gestured for him to get in. "I will take you to her."
Guy climbed in and slammed the door. "Where are we going?"
"It is a long drive." Andersen threw the jeep into gear and spun them around onto a dirt track. "Be patient."
The night's rainfall had turned the path to muck, and on either side the jungle pressed in, close and strangling. They might have gone for miles or tens of miles; on a road locked in by jungle, distance was impossible to judge. When Andersen finally pulled off to the side, Guy could see no obvious reason for stopping. Only when he'd climbed out and stood among the trees did he notice the tiny footpath leading into the bush. He couldn't see what lay beyond; the forest hid everything from view.
"From here we walk," said Andersen, foraging around for a few loose branches.
"Why the camouflage?" asked Guy, watching Andersen drape the branches over the jeep.
"Protection for the village."
"What are they afraid of?"
Andersen reached under the tarp on the back seat and pulled out an AK-47. Casually, he slung it over his shoulder. "Everything," he said, and headed off into the jungle.
The footpath led into a shadowy world of hundred-foot trees and tangled vines. Watching Andersen's back, Guy was struck by the irony of a doctor lugging an automatic rifle. He wondered what enemy he planned to use it on.
The smells of rotting vegetation, of mud simmering in the heat were only too familiar. "The whole damn jungle smells of death," the GIs used to say. Guy felt his gait change to a silent glide, felt his reflexes kick into overdrive. His five senses were painfully acute; the snap of a branch under Andersen's boot was as shocking as gunfire.
He heard the sounds of the village before he saw it. Somewhere deep in the forest, children were laughing. And then he heard water rushing and the cry of a baby.
Andersen pushed ahead, and as the last curtain of branches parted, Guy saw, beneath a towering stand of trees, the circle of huts. In the central courtyard, children batted a pebble back and forth with their feet. They froze as Guy and Andersen emerged from the forest. One of the girls called out; instantly, a dozen adults emerged from the huts. In silence they all watched Guy.