They were all waiting expectantly for the signal. Sybil and Angelina were the first to get there. Moments later the tramp of marching feet heralded the arrival of the marines. They stamped in, marched in position, faced front and thundered to a halt.

“Great,” I said. “Stand them at ease and be prepared for issue of weapons.”

“Weapons!” Captain Grissle’s great jaw cracked into a unaccustomed smile.

“There!” I said as James and Bolivar drove in with the laden freight wagons. I opened one of the boxes and pulled out a bloated red form and waved it on high.

“A salami?”, Grissle gasped.

“Very observant,” I said. “A both deadly and edible weapon. Issue them to your men.”

“You’re not playing the fool again, are you?” Angelina said as she and Sybil looked on dubiously.

“Never, my love. This is a very serious decision and one that was worked Out with impeccable logic. Instead of fighting with the inhabitants of Hell, we feed them. If they have been resorting to cannibalism, a redolent salami will make Hell a paradise for them. However, since most of them are a little insane we must expect trouble. Then, in any emergency, you will discover that a ten—kilo salami can wreak fearful damage. And if we overstay our leave we can always eat them ourselves.”

The marines were issued one salami each. “And no nibbling!” I warned. Sybil and the twins took theirs, but the look in Angelina’s eyes warned me not to even wave one in her direction. I took mine and held it aloft.

“Are we ready, Professor?”

“Locked on.”

“Then here we go!” I shouted, throwing open the garage door to Hell and pointing my salami. “Attack!”

It was a lovely sight. With their salamis at slope arms and in perfect step, the marines charged straight into Hell behind Sybil. My family followed.

As instructed, the marines had spread out in a long skirmish line. Sybil waved her salami and indicated the direction for them to take. Away from the lava lake and towards the foothills.

“This is a terrible place,” Angelina said. The ground trembled as flame and smoke shot from a distant volcano.

“We’ll get out as fast as we can. But it has to be done.”

“Some trouble over there,” Bolivar said. One of the marines had been ambushed by two of the locals who had leaped out of hiding and tackled him. He swung his salami with trained skill and bowled them both over. This broke the salami in two which must have released a deliciously garlicky smell that brought instant attention from the sprawled men. They scrambled in thesand, the marine forgotten, seized up their booty and fled.

“Well done,” Angelina said, lifting her face and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Man down!” the captain shouted. “Take cover.”

“Let’s go,” I shouted and led the rush.

Everything went according to plan; red Slakey would be easier to capture with so many marines involved in stalking him. It would be faster too.

Two of the marines carried their wounded comrade by.

’Flesh wound,” one of them called out.

“Back through the door, the hotel doctor is waiting,” I called after them.

We slowed to a walk, panting and perspiring. By the time we reached the scene the marines had done their job and Slakey had been captured and disarmed. He was being held fast by two of the largest marines. Bolivar and James grabbed the prisoner while the marines fanned out in a wide circular formation around us.

“We meet again, Professor Slakey,” I said. He foamed a little and writhed in the twins’ unbreakable grip but did not speak.

I grabbed his arm so James could do his hypnotizing. Which, unhappily, did not seem to be working.

“I can’t get his attention, sorry,” James said. “I’ve never worked with anyone in this insane state before.”

“Let me try,” I said, breaking off a great chunk of salami and holding it close to the prisoner’s nose. He stopped struggling and gaped; his nostrils twitched. Then he snapped at it and his teeth clacked together when I jerked it back. I handed the redolent salami to James. “You’ve got his attention now.”

“You’re hungry,” James said, “hungry and sleepy. Bite, eat, chew, that’s it. Swallow, good man. Want more, nod, that’s it.”

“Quiet!” a dark—suited Professor Slakey said, running up the hill towards us. An attacking marine swung a powerful salami and felled him. He rolled down the hill and vanished from sight.

It was a good thing we had brought so many marines. One Slakey after another appeared—until at one point there were twelve attacking at the same time. The important thing was that they were all unarmed; apparently they had made only the single gun for Hell and we had caught them unprepared. Try as they might they never made it through the perimeter of muscular guardians. One of the Slakeys appeared almost on top of us, reaching for the now silent devilish form, but Angelina caught him and twisted and hurled him back down the hill.

Then the attack was over as swiftly as it had begun. Our prisoner was now sitting on the ground happily chewing his rations.

“They’ve stopped,” I called out. “But stay alert—it could be a ruse—be ready for anything.”

“They won’t be back,” James said around a chewy mouthful. ‘What one knows they all know. So they all know now that the prisoner let me down on the Slakey motivation for this entire thing. His brain is so addled that he had no idea of what I was talking about or what all that money is needed for. But he remembers Heaven, clearly, knows its importance. Once I had the information, the code sequence, the other Slakeys stopped the attack.”

“You’ve memorized it?”

“Better than that.” He held up the remaining half of his salami. “I scratched it on this with my fingernail.”

Chapter 15

I worked out in the hotel’s health club every day. The first day I was exhausted after an hour, the aftereffects of starvation on Glass saw to that. But the trainer sweated with me full time; weights, bike, hydrotherapy, 2G sprints and all the rest. It wasn’t too long before I was able to put in a five—hour day and I was feeling fit and perky. My morale was also cheered on by the fact that I had put all of my lost weight back on as muscle. The layer of fat on my love handles, product of all dissolute and boozing living on Lussuoso no doubt, was gone. I jogged and I swam and realized I could no longer put off the moment of truth. Because I was sure that Angelina would not like it.

“I don’t like it,” she said very affirmatively. “No.”

“My love—light of my life,” I said clutching her hands in mine. The bar was empty and only the robot bartender was observing this digital act—of passion. With a lithe twist she slipped her hands free, picked up her glass and sipped. I tried logic.

“H’ you look at the question from all sides you will see that this is the only possible answer”

“I can think of a lot more possibilities.”

“But none that will work. We need to know what is happening in Heaven. The more people that go bumbling around there, the more chance there is of someone being spotted. One person must go in alone. One super—agent of superlative talent and experience, a lone wolf, he who slinks by night, lithe, handsome, unbeatable—the galaxy’s best agent. And I can give you a hint about his name. Some call him ‘Stalowy Szczur,’ others ‘Ratinox,’ and even ‘Rustiniuna Stairato’—”

“You?”

“How nice of you to say so! Now that you have spoken the truth aloud—can you think of anyone who is better qualified?”

She frowned and sipped her drink in silence, with perhaps the slightest gurgle from her straw when the last drop vanished. Stirred to life by this sound, the barbot whistled its wheels along the rails behind the bar and juddered to a stop. It spoke in a deep and sensual voice. “Does madam require a refill of her delicious drink, a Pink Rocket—popsy?”