At the foot of the throne, on a scarlet carpet embroidered with dragons in gold thread, sandalwood burned in three-legged bronze stoves. But the cold was a powerful eagle hovering between the beams and columns, breathing icily over us, scouring our cheeks with its wings of iron. Eyes lowered, hands clasped inside my sleeves, and bent slightly forward, I stood rigidly in the pose of respectful expectation. Time dripped past in the hydraulic clock. My hair was woven together with false hair and wound so tightly around a structure with bronze thread that it tugged at my scalp. My topknot, a cubit and a half high and decorated with five tree-shaped jewels in gold, rubies, sapphires, and other gemstones, symbols of my rank, was weighing me down. The pain crept down my back, my legs, and my arms. I shook from head to toe.
The sounds of a great commotion began, far away at first. Footsteps, coughing, then someone came into the hall. The officer of protocol announced, “The sovereign is preparing to leave the Palace of Audiences!” A wave of panic ran through the group of women who struggled to keep still. Little cries escaped from a few constricted throats. One young girl fainted. Another started to sob. Both were carried out by eunuchs.
Suddenly the musicians struck the bronze bells and sounding stones. The side doors were drawn aside, and two servants dressed in yellow brocade raised the curtains and held them back with gold-plated forked rods. An ice-cold wind filled the hall. After a long time had passed, two valets came in with incense burners and stood to the left and right of the throne. There was another long pause. Two more eunuchs appeared, carrying long-handled, round fans. The imperial servants filed in two by two, then a strident voice cut through the silence: “The Noble Sovereign of the great Tang dynasty!”
My blood froze. I fell to my knees with my forehead on the ground. The accelerated fluttering of my heart mingled with the endless rustling of satin and silk soles rubbing against the carpet, like an impetuous and inexhaustible mountain stream. At the request of the caller, I stood back up but fell to my knees again before making the great curtsey. When I recovered from the dizzying effect of the salutations, I could see through the corners of my eyes that all the candelabras had been lit. There were countless eunuchs around the throne, some carrying the long-handled fans that denoted imperial rank, others holding more everyday objects: towels, boxes of food, glasses, jugs, and bowls.
The General Intendant of the Side Court called forward the ladies of the Court by order of hierarchy and seniority. Waves of heat surged through me. I was covered in sweat. I was afraid my makeup would run, afraid I would not hear my name, afraid I would faint. I was afraid the Emperor would choose a girl ranked before me and that my one chance would vanish before it even arrived.
All of a sudden I heard: “Daughter of Wu Shi Yue, from the district of Wen Shui, in the province of Bing, Talented One Wu.”
My head buzzed. I stepped forward, eyes lowered. I made my way slowly toward the throne, and my thighs quaked beneath my dress. At the exact distance required by protocol, facing the imperial dais, I carried out the three great prostrations. At some stage in the proceedings- and I have no idea how because to look at the sovereign constituted a crime punishable by death-I glimpsed a man wrapped in a yellowish brown tunic. He wore a simple headdress of glazed white linen. I managed to make out his features in his puffy, listless face. I was overcome by a feeling of disappointment more icy than the North Wind.
One after another, all the girls were presented to the sovereign who remained silent through the entire ceremony. Each of us was accorded the same amount of time; no one was gratified with a nod, a smile, or a request to come forward and show her face. Once back in the Side Court, I spent the whole rest of the day thinking of that huge, tall hall full of mysterious frescoes. Had the Son of Heaven looked at us at all? I was not sure he had. In any event, up on his throne, how could he have seen the women’s faces under their imposing headdresses when they had to keep their heads lowered and their eyes fixed humbly on the ground?
The moon was waning in the sky. Soon it would perish only to be born again. I discovered that Talented One Xu would be received in the imperial bed. A peculiar emotion paralyzed my body like a poison. I scarcely listened to the rumors that claimed the selection had been rigged. As soon as she had arrived at the Palace, Talented One Xu had been under the wing of the Great Chamberlain who came from the same province. This eunuch, who enjoyed the sovereign’s complete trust, had engineered for all the names to be erased from the roll-call so that only his candidate was taken to the Palace of Precious Dew.
The new favorite left the Side Court where the living conditions were no longer in keeping with her rank, and she moved into the Middle Court. Something in me had died. I discovered Taoist texts that told of the purification of mind and body, of men who had become immortal, and of union with the celestial breath. I went back to my daily routine of prayers to Buddha, which had stopped when I arrived in the Palace. The world was an illusion, and all desire a source of suffering. How could I have forgotten the teachings of the Great One?
Like the moon, I would be reborn of annihilation.
THE PAVILION OF Celestial Breath closed its doors, and my young companions dispersed, each to her official duties.
The everyday life of a lady at Court was filled with banquets, dancing, and concerts; with the sequence of seasons that required changes of wardrobe; with constant trips between summer palaces and winter residences; with futile events and serious ones; and with light-hearted ceremonies and imposing ones.
The six ministries and twenty-four departments of the imperial gynaeceum had been created during the ancient Zhou dynasty, and each had a share in organizing festivities. There were pavilions that served as offices to the Great Lady Intendants, who directed countless female officials. All of them worked to make our life harmonious and pleasant. In the absence of an Empress, the Precious Wife reigned over our kingdom. She was a weak, gentle character and felt happier entrusting command to her favorite eunuch, General Intendant, in her palace. According to the rules, the four wives of the first rank were responsible for how the women behaved. Not one of these ladies deigned to be soiled by such involvement, and all of them delegated their power.
The duties of a Talented One were to keep records of feasting and days of rest, as well as ensuring that the silk worms were reared satisfactorily. Even though they were paltry tasks, I relied on these occupations to escape boredom. On the very first day, Governess informed me that she would free me from such minor concerns and explained that, from the fifth rank up, it was a woman’s duty to be at leisure.
Painted beams, gilded partitions, and fragrant powders entwined us like ivy around trees. This dull, slow life stifled our youth. The freshness and vivacity drained from my companions and me without our knowing when or how. The Court had a liking for fat women, so my companions crammed themselves with food. Their transparent white skin quivered over ample folds of fat. They spent their days perfecting their hair and makeup. Their daily walk through the Northern Gardens was becoming a ritual, and they would spend this time comparing their beauty and exchanging gossip. To escape the loneliness and monotony, some had pet cats and dogs, while others formed friendships and called each other “sister.”
There were women everywhere in the Side Court. They trod softly along the galleries, appeared and disappeared behind screens, and let their silhouettes linger on the partitions covered in rice paper. The servants observed a respectful silence, but the mistresses needed to chatter constantly to kill their boredom. A closed door or a secured shutter was tantamount to some inadmissible act, so all the bedrooms had to remain open for impromptu visits. Throughout the day, groups of Court ladies would appear from nowhere, expecting me to offer them tea and to listen to their chattering.