"Not angst," he corrected. "Fear. Of emptiness. Since the Industrial Revolution, civilization is increasingly afraid of running empty."
He was breathing hard but I knew he wasn't going to stop for a rest; I only had another couple dozen yards left before we reached his cabin.
"And that this fear," I pressed on, "has driven us to dream up a kind of broker and install him in our brain so he can increase our accounts by -"
"Minds," he puffed. "Into the way we think."
"- minds… by monitoring our incomes and making smart investments? He can't be any smarter than we are, though; we created him – and that he is the main snake-in-the-grass making people crazy, not all that psychology stuff?"
"That psychology stuff is… like the stuff the Chronicle writes… mostly crap."
I followed in silence, waiting for him to continue. The wheezing breaths turned into a laugh.
"But, yah, that is my metaphor. You got it right. He is the snake in our grass."
"And no way to get him out?"
He shook his head.
"What about the way he got in? What would happen if you hypnotized somebody and told them that their dream broker was no more? That he got wind the bank auditors were coming and committed suicide?"
"Bank failure would happen." He chuckled. "Then panic, then collapse. Today's somebody has too much invested in that dream."
We were almost to his cabin. I didn't know what else to ask.
"We are experimenting," he went on, "with some hybrid techniques, using some of Hubbard's Scientology auditors – 'Clears,' these inquisitors call themselves – in tandem with John Lilly's Sensory Deprivation. The deprivation tank melts away the subject's sense of outline. His box. The auditor locates the demon and deprograms him – clears him out, is the theory."
"Are you clearing any out?"
He shrugged. "With these Scientology schwules who can tell? What about you? We have a tank open all next week. Just how fascinated are you?"
The invitation caught me completely by surprise. Scientologists and deprivation tanks? On the other hand, a respite from the bus hassles and the cop hassles both was appealing. But before I could respond the doctor suddenly held up a hand and stopped. He tilted his hairy ear to listen.
"Do you hear a gang of men? Having an argument?" I listened. When his breathing quieted I heard it. From somewhere beyond the hedge that bordered the cottages arose a garbled hubbub. It did sound like a gang of men arguing, a platoon of soldiers ribbing each other. Or a ball team. I knew what it was, of course, even before I followed the doctor to an opening in the hedge; it was Houlihan, and only one of him.
Against the quiet purple of the Big Sur dawn, the bus was so gaudy it appeared to be in motion. It seemed to be still lurching along even though its motor was off and Houlihan wasn't in his driver's seat. He was outside in the parking lot among the twinkling puddles. He had located some more speed, it looked like, and his six-pound single jack. Then he had picked out a nice flat space behind the bus where he could waltz around, toss some hammer, and, all for himself alone and the few fading stars, talk some high-octane shit.
"Unbelievable but you all witnessed the move – one thirtieth of a sec maybe faster! How's that you skeptical blinkies? for world champion sinews and synapsis. But what? Again? Is this champ never satisfied? It looks like he's going for the backward double-clutch up and over record! Three, four – count the revolutions – five, six… which end first? In which hand?… eight, nine – either hand, Houlihan, no deliberation – eleven twelve thirteenka-fwamp yehh-h-h…"
Flipping the cumbersome tool over his shoulder, behind his back, between his legs – catching it deftly at the last instant by the tip of the dew-wet handle. Or not catching it, then dancing around it in mock frustration – cursing his ineptness, the slippery handle, the very stars for their distraction.
"A miss! What's amiss? Has the acclaim pried open our hero's as it were vanity? Elementals will invade through one's weakest point. Or has he gone all dropsy from a few celestial eyes staring?" – bending and scooping the hammer from its puddle to spin it high again and pluck it out of a pinwheeling spray. "Nay, not this lad, not world-famous Wet… Handle… Hooly! No pictures, please; it's an act of devotion…"
I'd seen the act plenty times before, so I watched the doctor. The old man was studying the phenomenon through the hedge with the detached expression of an intern observing aberrant behavior through a one-way mirror. As Houlihan went on, though, and on and on, the detachment changed to a look of grudging wonder.
"It's the demon himself," he whispered. "He's been stoned out of his box!"
He stood back from the hedge, lifting his brows at me.
"So it is not quite all Chronicle crap, eh, Dr. Deboree? Eviction by chemical command? Very impressive. But what about the risk of side effects?" He put his hand on my shoulder and looked earnestly into my eyes. "Mightn't such powerful doses turn one into the very tenant one is trying to turn out? But, ach, don't make such a face! I'm joking, my friend. Teasing. These experiments you and your bus family are conducting deserve attention, sincerely they do -"
It was over my shoulder that his attention was directed, though. The court recorder was coming, carrying a small green suitcase and a large pink pillow.
"- but at another time."
He gave me a final squeeze good night and promised that we would resume our consideration of this puzzle the very next opportunity. In the tubs again this evening? I nodded, flattered and excited by the prospect. He asked that I think about his invitation in the meantime – sleep a few quiet hours on it, yah? Then he hustled off to join the girl.
I pushed my way through the hedge and headed across the lot, hoping I could get Houlihan geared down enough to let me sleep a few quiet minutes. Fat chance. As soon as saw me coming he whinnied like an old firehorse.
"Chief! You're bestirred, saints be praised. All 'bo-warrrd!"
He was through the rear window and up into his seat with the motor roaring before I could make it to the door. I tried to tell him about my appointment with the doctor but Houlihan kept rapping and the bus kept revving until it beckoned its whole scattered family. Too many had been left behind before. They came like a grumpy litter coming to a sow, grunting and complaining they weren't ready to leave this comfortable wallow, wait for breakfast.
"We're coming right back," Houlihan assured one and all. "Positively! Just a junket to purchase some brake fluid – I checked; we're low – the merest spin back to that – it was a Flying Red Horse if I recollect rightly – hang on re-verse pshtoww! now I ain't a liar but I stretch the line…"
Drove us instead up a high-centered dirt road that llamas would have shunned and broke the universal miles from the highway but coincidentally near the hut of a meth-making buddy from Houlihan's beatnik days. This leathery old lizard gave the crew a lot of advice and homemade wine and introduced us to his chemical baths. It was a day before Buddy returned from his hike to borrow tools. It was nearly a week before we got the U-joint into Monterey and welded and replaced so we could baby the bus back down to civilized pavement.
It was a whole decade before I kept my appointment with Dr. Klaus Woofner, in the spring of 1974, in Disney World.
A lot of things had changed in my scene by then. Banished by court order from San Mateo County, I was back in Oregon on the old Nebo farm with my family – the one that shared my last name, not my bus family. They were scattered and regrouped with their own scenes. Behema was communing with the Dead down in Marin. Buddy had taken over my Dad's creamery in Eugene. Dobbs and Blanche had finagled a spread just down the road from our place, where they were raising kids on credit. The bus was rusting in the sheep pasture, a casualty of the Woodstock campaign. A wrong turn down a Mexican railroad had left nothing of Houlihan but myth and ashes. My father was a mere shade of that tower of my youth, sucked small by something medical science can name only, and barely that.