Richard rented his fine black stallion to a farmer and he and Aliena lived on the proceeds. Without Alfred’s support he could not go on as a knight, and in any case there was no point now that William had been made earl. Aliena still felt bound by her vow to her father, but just now there seemed nothing she could do to fulfill it. Richard sank into lethargy. He got up late, sat in the sun most of the day, and spent his evenings in the alehouse.
Martha still lived in the big house, alone except for an elderly woman servant. However, she spent most of her time with Aliena: she loved to help with the baby, especially as he looked so much like her adored Jack. She wanted Aliena to call him Jack, but Aliena was reluctant to name him, for reasons she herself did not quite understand.
For Aliena the summer went by in a maternal glow. But when the harvest was in, and the weather cooled a little, and the evenings became shorter, she grew discontented.
Whenever she thought about her future, Jack came into her mind. He had gone, she had no idea where, and he would probably never come back, but he was still with her, dominating her thoughts, full of life and energy, as clear and vivid to her as if she had seen him only yesterday. She considered moving to another town and pretending she was a widow; she thought of trying to persuade Richard to earn a living somehow; she contemplated doing some weaving, or taking in washing, or becoming a servant to one of the few townspeople who were still wealthy enough to hire help; and each new scheme was greeted with scornful laughter by the imaginary Jack in her head, who said: “Nothing will be any good without me.” Making love to Jack on the morning of her marriage to Alfred had been the greatest sin she had ever committed, and she had no doubt that now she was being punished for it; but still there were times when she felt it was the only good thing she had done in her entire life; and when she looked at her baby, she could not bring herself to regret it. Nevertheless she was restless. A baby was not enough. She felt incomplete, unfulfilled. Her house seemed too small, Kingsbridge seemed half dead, life was too uneventful. She became impatient with the baby and snappish with Martha.
At the end of the summer, the farmer brought the horse back: it was no longer needed, and suddenly Richard and Aliena had no income. One day in early autumn Richard went to Shiring to sell his armor. While he was away, and Aliena was eating apples for dinner to save money, Jack’s mother walked into the house.
“Ellen!” Aliena said. She was more than startled. There was consternation in her voice, for Ellen had cursed a church wedding, and Prior Philip might yet have her punished for it.
“I came to see my grandson,” Ellen said calmly.
“But how did you know…?”
“You hear things, even in the forest.” She went over to the cradle in the corner and looked at the sleeping child. Her face softened. “Well, well. There’s no doubt about whose son he is. Does he keep well?”
“Never had anything wrong with him-he’s small but tough,” Aliena said proudly. She added: “Like his grandmother.” She studied Ellen. She was leaner than when she had left, and brown-skinned, and she wore a short leather tunic that revealed her tanned calves. Her feet were bare. She looked young and fit: forest life seemed to suit her. Aliena calculated that she must be thirty-five years old. “You seem very well,” she said.
“I miss you all,” Ellen said. “I miss you, and Martha, and even your brother Richard. I miss my Jack. And I miss Tom.” She looked sad.
Aliena was still worried for her safety. “Did anyone see you coming here? The monks might still want to punish you.”
“There isn’t a monk in Kingsbridge who’s got the guts to arrest me,” she said with a grin. “But I was careful anyway-no one saw me.” There was a pause. Ellen looked hard at Aliena. Aliena became slightly uncomfortable under the penetrating stare of Ellen’s curious honey-colored eyes. At last Ellen said: “You’re wasting your life.”
“What do you mean?” Aliena said, though Ellen’s words had struck a chord instantly.
“You should go and find Jack.”
Aliena felt a pang of delicious hope. “But I can’t,” she said.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know where he is, for one thing.”
“I do.”
Aliena’s heart beat faster. She had thought nobody knew where Jack had gone. It was as if he had vanished off the face of the earth. But now she would be able to imagine him in a specific, real place. It changed everything. He might be somewhere nearby. She could show him his baby.
Ellen said: “At least, I know where he was headed.”
“Where?” Aliena said urgently.
“Santiago de Compostela.”
“Oh, God.” Her heart sank. She was desperately disappointed. Compostela was the town in Spain where the Apostle James was buried. It was a journey of several months. Jack might as well have been on the far side of the world.
Ellen said: “He was hoping to speak to the jongleurs on the road and find out something about his father.”
Aliena nodded disconsolately. That made sense. Jack had always resented knowing so little about his father. But he might well never return. On such a long journey he was almost certain to find a cathedral he wanted to work on, and then he might settle down. In going to seek his father he had probably lost his son.
“It’s so far away,” Aliena said. “I wish I could go after him.”
“Why not?” Ellen said. “Thousands of people go there on pilgrimage. Why shouldn’t you?”
“I made a vow to my father to take care of Richard until he becomes the earl,” she told Ellen. “I couldn’t leave him.”
Ellen looked skeptical. “Just how do you imagine you’re helping him at the moment?” she said. “You’re penniless and William is the new earl. Richard has lost any chance he might have had of regaining the earldom. You’re no more use to him here in Kingsbridge than you would be in Compostela. You dedicated your life to that wretched vow. But now there’s nothing more you can do. I don’t see how your father could reproach you. If you ask me, the greatest favor you could do Richard would be to abandon him for a while, and give him a chance to learn independence.”
It was true, Aliena thought, that she was no use to Richard at the moment, whether she stayed in Kingsbridge or not. Could it be possible that she was now free-free to go and find Jack? The mere idea made her heart race. “But I haven’t any money to go on pilgrimage,” she said.
“What happened to that great big horse?”
“We still have it-”
“Sell it.”
“How can I? It’s Richard’s.”
“For God’s sake, who the hell bought it?” Ellen said angrily. “Did Richard work hard for years building up a wool business? Did Richard negotiate with greedy peasants and hard-nosed Flemish buyers? Did Richard collect the wool and store it and set up a market stall and sell it? Don’t tell me it’s Richard’s horse!”
“He would be so angry-”
“Good. Let’s hope he gets angry enough to do some work for the first time in his life.”
Aliena opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again. Ellen was right. Richard had always relied on her for everything. While he had been fighting for his patrimony she had been obliged to support him. But now he was not fighting for anything. He had no further claim on her.
She imagined meeting Jack again. She visualized his face, smiling at her. They would kiss. She felt a stir of pleasure in her loins. She realized she was getting damp down there at the mere thought of him. She felt embarrassed.
Ellen said: “Traveling is hazardous, of course.”
Aliena smiled. “That’s one thing I’m not worried about. I’ve been traveling since I was seventeen years old. I can take care of myself.”
“Anyway, there will be hundreds of people on the road to Compostela. You can join with a large pilgrim band. You won’t have to travel alone.”