Miles nodded almost imperceptibly.

“I’m so sorry for everything. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been going through.”

“No,” he said. “You can’t.”

“I didn’t know about Brian. I really didn’t.”

“I know.” He glanced toward her. “I shouldn’t have believed it otherwise. And I’m sorry for the accusations.”

Sarah shook her head. “Don’t be.”

He looked away, seeming to struggle for words. “I guess I should thank you for letting me know what really happened.”

“I had to. I didn’t have a choice.” Then, after he grew quiet again, Sarah brought her hands together. “How’s Jonah doing with all this?” “Okay. Not great. He doesn’t know anything, but I think he sensed that something was going on by the way I was acting. He’s had a couple of nightmares in the last few days. How’s he doing in school?”

“So far, he’s fine. In the last couple of days, I haven’t noticed anything unusual.”

“That’s good.”

Sarah ran a hand through her hair. “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Miles turned. “Why did I let Brian go?”

She nodded.

It took a long time to answer. “I saw the dog.”

She turned toward him in surprise.

“A big black dog, just like Brian said. He was running around in a yard a couple of houses up from where the accident happened.”

“You just drove by and happened to see him?”

“No, not exactly. I went looking for him.”

“To find out if Brian was telling the truth?”

He shook his head. “No, not really. I pretty much knew that he was telling the truth by then. But I had this crazy notion in my head that I just couldn’t get rid of.”

“What notion?”

“Like I said, it was crazy.”

She looked at him curiously, waiting.

“When I got home that day-when Brian told me, I mean-I just got to thinking that I had to do something. Someone had to pay for what happened, but I just didn’t know who until it hit me. So I got my father’s gun, and the next night, I went out to look for the damn dog.”

“You were going to shoot the dog?”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure I’d even get the chance, but as soon as I pulled up, there he was. He was chasing a squirrel through the yard.” “So you did it?”

“No. I got close enough to do it, but when I got him in my sights, I got to thinking how insane it was. I mean, I was out hunting somebody’s pet. Only someone seriously deranged would do that. So I turned around and got in my car. I let him go.”

She smiled. “Like Brian.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Like Brian.”

She reached for his hand, and after a moment, he let her take it. “I’m glad,” she said.

“I’m not. Part of me wishes that I would have. At least then I’d know that I’d done something.”

“You did do something.”

Miles squeezed her hand before letting go. “I did it for me, too. And for Jonah. It was time to let it go. I’d already lost two years of my life, and I couldn’t see the point in prolonging it anymore. Once I realized that… I don’t know… it just seemed like it was the only thing I could do. No matter what happened to Brian, Missy wasn’t coming back.”

He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, and neither one of them said anything for a while. The stars were out in full glory above them, and Miles found his eyes traveling to Polaris, the North Star. “I’m going to need some time,” he said softly.

She nodded, knowing he was talking about them, now. “I know.”

“I can’t tell you how long it’ll be, either.”

Sarah glanced toward him. “Do you want me to wait?”

It took a long moment for him to answer.

“I can’t make any promises, Sarah. About us, I mean. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, because I do. I’ve spent the last couple of days agonizing over that fact. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me since Missy died. Hell, you’re the only good thing that happened. For Jonah, too. He asked why you haven’t been over lately, and I know he misses you. But no matter how much I want that to go on, part of me just can’t imagine it. It’s not as if I can forget what happened. And you’re his sister.”

Sarah’s lips tightened. She said nothing.

“I don’t know if I can live with that, even though you had nothing to do with it, because being with you means that in a way, I have to be with him, too. He’s your family and… I’m not ready for that. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. And I don’t know whether I’ll ever be ready.”

“We could move away,” she suggested. “We could try to start over.”

He shook his head. “No matter how far I go, this will follow. You know that…

.”

He trailed off, then looked at her. “I don’t know what to do.”

She smiled sadly. “Neither do I,” she admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

After a moment, Miles moved closer and put his arms around her. He kissed her gently, then held her for a long time, burying his face in her hair. “I do love you, Sarah,” he whispered.

She forced aside the lump in her throat and leaned into him, feeling his body close to hers and wondering whether this would be the last time he held her like this.

“I love you, too, Miles.”

After he let her go, Sarah stepped back, trying to stop the tears. Miles stood without moving, and Sarah reached for her keys in the pocket of her jacket. She heard the jingle as she pulled them out. She couldn’t form the words to say good-bye, knowing that this time, it might be forever.

“I’ll let you get back to Jonah,” she said.

In the soft glow of the porch light, she thought she saw tears in his eyes as well.

Sarah swiped at her tears. “I bought a Christmas gift for Jonah. Would it be all right to bring it by?”

Miles glanced away. “We might not be here. I was thinking of heading up to Nags Head next week. Charlie’s got a place up there and he said I could use it. I just need to get away for a while, you know?”

She nodded. “I’ll be around if you want to reach me by phone.”

“Okay,” he murmured.

No promises, she thought.

She took a step backward, feeling empty, wishing for something to say that would change everything. With a tight smile, she turned and went to the car, doing her best to keep control. Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the door, and she looked back at him. He hadn’t moved; his mouth was set in a straight line. She slid behind the wheel.

As Miles watched her, he wanted to call out her name, to ask her to stay, to tell her that he would find some way to make this work between them. That he loved her now and always would.

But he didn’t.

Sarah turned the key and the engine hummed to life. Miles moved toward the stairs and her heart surged, but she realized he was moving toward the door. He wasn’t going to stop her. She put the car in reverse and started to back out. His face was shadowed now, growing smaller as the car rolled backward. She could feel her cheeks getting wet.

As he opened the door, Sarah had the sinking realization that this would be her last image of him. She couldn’t stay in New Bern the way things were. Seeing Miles around town would be too hard; she’d have to find another job. Somewhere she could start over.

Again.

On the road, she accelerated slowly into the darkness, willing herself not to look back.

I’ll be fine, she told herself. No matter what happens, I’ll make it, just as I made it before. With or without Miles, I can do that.

No, you can’t,a voice inside her cried suddenly.

She broke down then, the tears coming hard, and she pulled to the side of the road. As the car idled and steam began to cloud the windows, Sarah cried as she’d never cried before.