ALIEN NEGOTIATIONS

“Norman,” Barnes said, “I seem to remember you covered this in your report, didn’t you? The possibility that an alien could read our minds.”

“I mentioned it,” Norman said.

“And what were your recommendations?”

“I didn’t have any. It was just something the State Department asked me to include as a possibility. So I did.”

“You didn’t make any recommendations in your report?”

“No,” Norman said. “To tell you the truth, at the time I thought the idea was a joke.”

“It’s not,” Barnes said. He sat down heavily, stared at the screen. “What the hell are we going to do now?” 

  DO NOT BE AFRAID.   

“That’s fine for him to say, listening to everything we say.” He looked at the screen. “Are you listening to us now, Jerry?” 

 YES HAL. 

“What a mess,” Barnes said.

Ted said, “I think it’s an exciting development.”

Norman said, “Jerry, can you read our minds?” 

 YES NORMAN. 

“Oh brother,” Barnes said. “He can read our minds.”

Maybe not, Norman thought. He frowned, concentrating, and thought, Jerry, can you hear me?

The screen remained blank.

Jerry, tell me your name.

The screen did not change.

Maybe a visual image, Norman thought. Perhaps he can receive a visual image. Norman cast around in his mind for something to visualize, chose a sandy tropical beach, then a palm tree. The image of the palm tree was clear, but, then, he thought, Jerry wouldn’t know what a palm tree was. It wouldn’t mean anything to him. Norman thought he should choose something that might be within Jerry’s experience. He decided to imagine a planet with rings, like Saturn. He frowned: Jerry, I am going to send you a picture. Tell me what you see.

He focused his mind on the image of Saturn, a brightyellow sphere with a tilted ring system, hanging in the blackness of space. He sustained the image about ten seconds, and then looked at the screen.

The screen did not change.

Jerry, are you there?

The screen still did not change.

“Jerry, are you there?” Norman said. 

 YES NORMAN. I AM HERE. 

“I don’t think we should talk in this room,” Barnes said. “Maybe if we go into another cylinder, and turn the water on…”

“Like in the spy movies?”

“It’s worth a try.”

Ted said, “I think we’re being unfair to Jerry. If we feel that he is intruding on our privacy, why don’t we just tell him? Ask him not to intrude?” 

 I DO NOT WISH TO IN TRUDE. 

“Let’s face it,” Barnes said. “This guy knows a lot more about us than we know about him.”

YES I KNOW MANY THINGS ABOUT YOUR ENTITIES.

“Jerry,” Ted said. 

 YES TED. I AM HERE. 

“Please leave us alone.”

I DO NOT WISH TO DO SO. I AM HAPPY TO TALK WITH YOU. I ENJOY TO TALK WITH YOU. LET US TALK NOW. I WISH IT.

“It’s obvious he won’t listen to reason,” Barnes said.

“Jerry,” Ted said, “you must leave us alone for a while.”

NO. THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. I DO NOT AGREE. NO!

“Now the bastard’s showing his true colors,” Barnes said.

The child king, Norman thought. “Let me try.”

“Be my guest.”

“Jerry,” Norman said. 

 YES NORMAN. I AM HERE. 

“Jerry, it is very exciting for us to talk to you.” 

 THANK YOU. I AM EXCITED ALSO. 

“Jerry, we find you a fascinating and wonderful entity.”

Barnes was rolling his eyes, shaking his head. 

 THANK YOU, NORMAN. 

“And we wish to talk to you for many, many hours, Jerry.” 

 GOOD. 

“We admire your gifts and talents.”

THANK YOU.

“And we know that you have great power and understanding of all things.” 

 THIS IS SO, NORMAN. YES. 

“Jerry, in your great understanding, you certainly know that we are entities who must have conversations among ourselves, without your listening to us. The experience of meeting you is very challenging to us, and we have much to talk about among ourselves.”

Barnes was shaking his head.

I HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT ALSO. I ENJOY MUCH TO TALK WITH YOUR ENTITIES NORMAN.

“Yes, I know, Jerry. But you also know in your wisdom that we need to talk alone.” 

 DO NOT BE AFRAID. 

“We’re not afraid, Jerry. We are uncomfortable.” 

 DO NOT BE UN COMFORTABLE. 

“We can’t help it, Jerry… It is the way we are.”

I ENJOY MUCH TO TALK WITH YOUR ENTITIES NORMAN. I AM HAPPY. ARE YOU HAPPY ALSO?

“Yes, very happy, Jerry. But, you see, we need-” 

 GOOD. I AM GLAD. 

“-we need to talk alone. Please do not listen for a while.” 

 AM I OFFENDED YOU? 

“No, you are very friendly and charming. But we need to talk alone, without your listening, for a while.”

I UNDERSTAND YOU NEED THIS. I WISH YOU TO HAVE COMFORT WITH ME, NORMAN. I SHALL GRANT WHAT YOU DESIRE.

“Thank you, Jerry.”

“Sure,” Barnes said. “You think he’ll really do it?”

WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER A SHORT BREAK FOR THESE MESSAGES FROM OUR SPONSOR.

And the screen went blank.

Despite himself, Norman laughed.

“Fascinating,” Ted said. “Apparently he’s been picking up television signals.”

“Can’t do that from underwater.”

“We can’t, but it looks like he can.”

Barnes said, “I know he’s still listening. I know he is. Jerry, are you there?”

The screen was blank.

“Jerry?”

Nothing happened. The screen remained blank.

“He’s gone.”

“Well,” Norman said. “you’ve just seen the power of psychology in action.” He couldn’t help saying it. He was still annoyed with Ted.

“I’m sorry,” Ted began.

“That’s all right.”

“But I just don’t think that for a higher intellect, emotions are really significant.”

“Let’s not go into this again,” Beth said.

“The real point,” Norman said, “is that emotions and intellect are entirely unrelated. They’re like separate compartments of the brain, or even separate brains, and they don’t communicate with each other. That’s why intellectual understanding is so useless.”

Ted said, “Intellectual understanding is useless?” He sounded horrified.

“In many cases, yes,” Norman said. “If you read a book on how to ride a bike, do you know how to ride a bike? No, you don’t. You can read all you want, but you still have to go out and learn to ride. The part of your brain that learns to ride is different from the part of your brain that reads about it.”

“What does this have to do with Jerry?” Barnes said. “We know,” Norman said, “that a smart person is just as likely to blunder emotionally as anyone else. If Jerry is really an emotional creature-and not just pretending to be one-then we need to deal with his emotional side as well as his intellectual side.”

“Very convenient for you,” Ted said.

“Not really,” Norman said. “Frankly, I’d be much happier if Jerry were just cold, emotionless intellect.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Norman said, “if Jerry is powerful and also emotional, it raises a question. What happens if Jerry gets mad?”