‘Yes, Clarence.'

Two choruses of ‘Old Riley's Daughter' - later Brian said, ‘Mrs Mac, that was acceptable. I think you've been practising.'

I shook my head. ‘Nary a bit, my love; Father has watched me unceasingly - he thinks I'm an immoral woman who sleeps with other men.'

‘What a canard! You never let them sleep. Never. I'll tell him.'

‘Don't bother; Father made up his mind about me before you and I ever met. How are the Plattsburg pussies? Tasty? Affectionate?'

‘Hepzibah, I hate to admit this but... Well, the fact is.... didn't get any. Not any.'

‘Why, Clarence!'

‘Honey, girl, they worked my tail off. Field instruction and drills and lectures in the daytime, six days a week - and surprise drills on Sundays. More lectures in the evenings and always more book work than we could possibly handle. Stagger to bed around midnight, reveille at six. Feel my ribs; I'm skinny. Hey! That's not a rib!'

‘So it isn't; it's not a bone of any sort. Hubert, I'm going to keep you in bed until we get you fatted up and stronger; your story has touched my heart.'

‘It's a tragic ore, I know. But what's your excuse? Justin would have offered you a little gentle exercise, I'm certain.'

‘Dearest man, I did have Justin and Eleanor over for dinner, yes. But with a house full of youngsters and Father a notorious night owl I didn't even get my bottom patted. Nothing but a few gallant indecencies whispered into my horrified ear.'

‘Your what? You should have gone over there.'

‘But they live so far away.' It was a far piece even by automobile, an interminable distance by streetcar. We had first met the Weatherals at our new church, the Linwood Methodist, when we moved into our home on Benton Boulevard. But that same year, after we got on friendly but not intimate terms with the Weatherals, they moved far out south into the new J.C. Nichols subdivision, the Country Club district, and there they switched to an Episcopalian church near their new Nome, which put them clear out of our orbit.

Briney and I had discussed them - they both smelled good - but they had moved too far away for much socialising, and they were older than we and clearly quite well to do. All these factors left me a bit intimidated, so I had moved the Weatherals to the inactive file.

Then Brian ran into them again when Justin tried to get accepted for Plattsburg; Justin had given Brian as a reference, which flattered him. Justin was turned down for officer candidate training - a damaged foot, an accident that had maimed him before he learned to walk. He limped but it was hardly noticeable. Brian wrote a letter, urging a waiver; it was not granted. But as a consequence Eleanor had invited us to dinner in January, a week before Brian left for Plattsburg.

A fine big house and even more children than we had - Justin had incorporated into the house design an elegant but expensive idea; Justin and Eleanor occupied not just a master bedroom but the entire upper floor of ore wing, a master suite consisting of a sitting-room (in addition to a formal parlour and a family sitting-room downstairs), a huge bedroom with a pantry and wine safe in ore corner, a bath broken into units; a tub, a shower, and two closets, ore of the latter having in addition to its WC a fixture I had heard of but never seen before: a fountain bidet.

Eleanor helped me try out the latter and I was delighted! Just what Maureen, with her give-away body odour, needed. I told her so, and told her why.

‘I think your natural fragrance is delightful,' Eleanor told me seriously, ‘and so does Justin.'

‘Justin said that about me?'

Eleanor took my face between her hands and kissed me, softly and gently, her mouth slack-not a tongue kiss but not totally dry. ‘Justin said that. He said considerably more than that. Dear, he feels enormous attraction to you' - I knew that - ‘and so do I. And so I do for your husband. Brian affects me all through. If by any chance you two share our feelings... Justin and I are willing and eager to realise our feelings in acts.'

‘You mean a trade-off? All the way?'

‘All the way! A fair exchange is no robbery.'

I didn't hesitate. ‘Yes!'

‘Oh, good! Do you want a chance to consult Brian?'

‘Not necessary. I know. He wants to eat you, raw.' I took her face between my palms, kissed her deeply. ‘How do we go about this?'

‘Whatever is easiest for you, Maureen little love. My sitting-room converts into a second bedroom in only seconds, and it has its own little powder room. So it can be either two couples, or all four of us together.'

‘Briney and I don't hide from each other. Eleanor, I have found in the past that, if I simply take my clothes off, it saves time and words.'

Her mouth twitched. ‘I've found it so. Maureen, you astound me. I've known you ten years, I think. Back when we still lived on South Benton and we all attended Linwood Boulevard Methodist, Justin and I discussed you two as possible playmates I told Justin that Brian had that look in his eye but I couldn't see any way to crack your armour. The perfect lady, right out of Goday's Lady's Book. Since in order to be safe this sort of family seduction has to be negotiated between wives, we simply moved you to the Too-Bad list.'

I was unhooking and unbuttoning, while chuckling. ‘Eleanor love, I broke my maidenhead at fourteen and I've been in heat ever since. Brian knows it and understands me, and loves me anyhow.'

‘Oh, delightful! Sweetheart, I gave my cherry away at twelve to a man four times my age.'

‘Then it couldn't have been Justin.'

‘Heavens, no!' She stepped out of her drawers; it left her in opera-length hose and evening slippers. I'm ready.'

‘So am I.' I was eyeing her and was sorry, Briney hadn't shaved me, as she was as smooth as a grape - Briney was going to love her! Tall, statuesque, blonde.

A few minutes later Justin placed me on the Persian rug in front of the fire in their upstairs sitting-room. Eleanor was beside me, with my husband. She turned her head toward me and smiled and took my hand, as we each received the other's husband.

I've heard formal discussions at salons in Boondock, complete with Stimulator and Interlocutor, debating the ideal number for polymorphous sensuality. There were some who favoured trios, each of the four sorts of all four or any, and some who favoured high numbers, and some who insisted that any odd number could produce maximum pleasure but no even number. Me, I still think that a foursome of families, all loving and lovable, cannot be, beaten. I'm not running down any other combination and I like them all. I'm simply naming what I like best, year-in and year-out.

Later that night Brian telephoned Father and explained that the streets were getting icy; would he mind being zookeeper for us tonight?

Brian looked down at me. ‘What was the far-away look in your eye?'

‘I was thinking about your favourite girl -‘

‘You're my favourite girl:

‘Favourite blonde girl. Eleanor.'

‘Oh. Granted.'

‘And your favourite oldest daughter.'

‘Something ambivalent there. Positional grammar? Oldest favourite daughter. Favourite oldest daughter. Yes, I guess they both mean Nancy. Continue.'

‘News I couldn't put into a letter. Nancy did it.'

‘Did what? If you mean she did it with that pimply kid, I seem to recall that you concluded that a year ago. How many times can she stop being a virgin?'

‘Briney, Nancy finally decided to tell me. She had a scare and that pimply kid doesn't come here any more, because he wouldn't stop after a rubber broke. So she told Mama. So I douched her and checked her calendar with her and she Game around, just fine three days later, and she stopped being scared. But at last we were women together and we talked. I gave her some hurry-up Father Ira instruction, including the lecture that goes with the Forberg etchings - hey, that thing does have a bone in it after all!'