‘If we were caught. "Caught" is the important word. Father urged me to know the law as thoroughly as possible... so as not to get caught when I broke one. Father never felt that any law applied to him... other than in that sense.'

‘I think it is clear that your father is a subversive character, a bad influence, a wicked old man... and I admire him without limit and hope to grow up like him.'

‘I love him all to pieces, mon homme. He could have had my maidenhead just by lifting his eyebrow. He wouldn't take it.'

‘I know that, beloved. I've known it since I first met you.'

‘Yes, I'm a woman scorned... and someday he'll pay. But I want to take his advice about the Law. Briney, do you suppose I could attend classes at the Kansas City School of Law... if I could squeeze the tuition out of my household allowance?'

‘Perhaps. But you won't have to squeeze it out of your housekeeping money; any schooling you want we can now afford. But never mind such trivial matters; we're talking about sex. S-E-X, the stuff that makes the world go around. Next picture, please.'

‘Yes, sir. Missionary sty1e. Approved even by priests. ‘Me next picture is almost as widely accepted, although perhaps Mrs Grundy never gets on top. This next one is certainly not used by Mrs Grundy although by everybody else - says Father. But he noted that a gentleman, in coupling with a lady from behind and standing up, will reach under and find her button, so that she is ensured a good time, too. Now the next - Oh! Briney, someday, when we can afford it, I want a bed just the right height so that you can put me on it in that position, on my back, legs up - just the right height so that you can stand up and enter me without crouching. I like that position, so do you - but the last time we used it, you got cramps in your legs and were trembling toward the last, you got so tired. Darling, I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. Loads, that is.'

‘Lady, you're a gentleman.'

‘Why, thank you, sir! If that is not a jest.'

No jest. Most ladies are not gentlemen; they will pull stunts that would get a man ten days in the stocks... and walk on, with their noses in the air. But not my Mo. With you, fair is fair and you don't expect to get by on your sex.'

‘Ah, but I do. By "ringing the cash register".'

‘Don't confuse me with logic. You treat everyone decently, that's all, even your poor old husband. Yes, I'll build you that bed. Not only the right height but one guaranteed not to squeak. I'll get busy on the design. Hmm, Mo, how would you like a really big bed? Say one that would hold you and me and Hal and Jane - or playmates of your choice - all at once.'

‘Goodness, what a thought! I hear that Annie Chambers has a bed like that.'

‘But I'll design a better one. Mo, where did you hear of KC's top Madam?'

‘At a Ladies' Aid meeting. Mrs Bunch was deploring the open immorality of this city. I kept my ears open and my mouth closed. Darling, I'll love that bed when it's built... and in the meantime I'll be happy with any reasonably level place or even a pile of coal if Briney puts me on it.'

‘Go along with you. Next picture.'

‘Then quit teasing my right nipple. Young man masturbating, his daydreams in the background. Father strongly approves of masturbation. He said that all the stories about it were nonsense. He urged me to masturbate all I want to and whenever I want to, all my life, and to be no more ashamed of it than I am of peeing - just close the door, as I do when peeing.

‘They told me that it would make me go blind. But it didn't. Next.'

‘He's an "irrumator" and she is a "fellatrix" and that's Vesuvius in the background. Only Father says that those names are silly; it's just two youngsters discovering that sex can be fun. He pointed out that not only is it fun for both of them but also there is a major advantage. If she discovers that it smells bad, she can suddenly remember that it's bedtime; goodnight, Bill - and, no, I can't see you next Saturday. Don't come back at all; I'm entering a nunnery. Briney, I've done that - tossed a boy out because I didn't like the way his penis smelled. One was a Howard candidate. Phew! Father told me that a penis that smelled bad was not necessarily diseased, but that was the way to bet... and in any case if it wasn't sweet enough to kiss, it wasn't sweet enough to put inside me.'

I moved on to the next one. ‘Same situation, comme ci instead of comme ça. Cunnilingus. Another silly word, says Father; it's just a kiss. The sweetest kiss of all... unless you combine this one with the one we just looked ar, to make a sixty-nine. Soixante-neuf. Although there is much to be said for taking the two sorts of kisses at one rime, and concentrate.'

I turned the page. ‘Oh, oh! Here's one that Father did not care for.'

‘Me, too. I prefer girls.'

‘Yes, but you can do it to a woman, too. Father said that some day some man was going to want to do that to me... and that I should think about it ahead of time and be prepared to cope with it. He said that it was not immoral, or wrong, but that it was dirty and physically risky -‘

(This was in 1906, long before AIDS showed that buggery could be a special and deadly hazard.)

‘- but that if I got curious and just had to try it, make him use a sheath and get him to be ultra slow and extra gentle - or I would wind up buying fur coats for proctologists' wives.'

‘Seems likely. Next, please.'

‘Beloved -‘

‘Yes, Mo?'

‘If you want to do that to me, I'm willing. I'm not in the least afraid that you would hurt me.'

‘Thank you. You're a silly wench, but I love you. I'm not yet tired of your other hole. Next picture, please; there are people queued up for the second show.'

‘Yes, sir. I think this one is meant to be funny: hushand surprises wife playing happy games with the housewife next door - look at the expression on his face! Briney, I had never suspected that a woman could be so much fun until that time Jane made a grab for me. She's real cuddly. Or anything.'

‘Yes, I know. Or anything. So is Hal. Or anything.'

‘Well! I must have slept through something. This next one - Briney, I can't see why women would use dildoes when there are so many live, warm ones around, attached to men. Do you?'

‘They don't all have your opportunities, my love. Or your talents.'

‘Thank you, sir.' I moved on. ‘Cunnilingus again, but two women. Briney, why are mermaids used as a symbol of Lesbos?'

‘I don't know. What did your Father say?'

‘Just what you did. Oh, this next one does show something Father disapproves of. He says that anyone who mixes whips and chains, or either, with sex, is crazy as a pet coon and should be kept away from healthy people. Hmm, the next one is nothing special, just a different position, one that we've tried. Fun for variety, I think, but not for every day. And now - Oh, this one Father called, "the hetaera's examination, or three ways for a dollar." Do you think Annie Chambers' girls are examined this way? I hear that they are top quality this side of Chicago. Maybe New York.'

‘Look, my sweet, I know nothing of Madam Chambers, or her girls. I can't support both you and Annie Chambers, not even with the, help of the Foundation. So I don't patronise brothels.'

‘What do you do in Denver, Briney? Cancel that - under our agreement, I'm not supposed to ask.'

‘That wasn't in our agreement; of course you can ask. You tell me your bedtime stories and I'll tell you mine - then we'll play doctor. Denver... I'm glad you asked that. In Denver I met this young fat boy -‘

‘Briney!'

‘- who has the most gorgeous big sister, a grass widow a little younger than you are, with long slender legs, natural blonde, honey-coloured hair down to her waist, a sweet disposition, and big, firm tits. I asked her, "How about it?" ‘ Briney stopped.