"Not tough exactly.... "
"If they want us to defect, it can't have been that bad."
"Well ..." Laura said. It was all slipping away from her.
She was feeling increasingly hopeless. There was no way she could tell him what had really happened... what she thought had happened... especially not online, in front of Atlanta's cameras. There'd be a better time later. Surely. "If we could only talk privately ..."
David smirked. "Yeah, it's a bitch, online... Well, I can have Atlanta send us back the tapes of your testimony. We'll look over 'em together, you can tell me all about it." Silence.
"Unless there's something you have to tell me right now."
"No...
"Well, I have something to tell you." He finished his drink. "I was gonna wait till after supper, but I just can't hold it." He grinned. "Carlotta made a pass at me."
"Carlotta?" Laura said, shocked. "She did what?" She sat up straighter.
"Yeah. She was there. We were offline together for just a second in one of the aquaculture rooms. It wasn't wired, see.
And she kind of sways over, slips her hand up under my shirt, and says... I don't remember exactly, but it was something like: `Ever wonder what it would be like? We know a lot of things Laura doesn't.' "
Laura turned livid. "What was that?" she demanded. "What about her hand?"
David blinked, his smile fading. "She just ran her hand over my ribs. To show she meant business, I guess." He was already defensive. "Don't blame me. I wasn't asking for it."
"I'm not blaming you, but I'm the one that means your business," Laura told him. Long silence. "And I kind of wish you weren't so gleeful about it."
David could not hide his grin. "Well ... I guess it was kind of flattering. I mean, everybody we know, knows we have a solid thing together, so it's not like the woods are full of women flinging themselves at me.... Y'know, it wasn't even so much that Carlotta herself was making a pass.... It was sort of a generic hooker pass. Like a business proposition."
He let Loretta grip his fingers. "Don't think too much of it. You were right when you said they were trying to get at us. It's like, they use whatever they can. Drugs-we don't go for that. Money-well, we're not breadheads.... Sex-I think they just told Carlotta to try it, and she said she would. None of that means much. But man--creative potential-I'm not ashamed to say that got me where I lived."
"What a shitty thing to do," Laura said. "At the very least, she could have sent some other Church girl. "
"Yeah," he mused, "but maybe another girl would have looked better... . Oh, sorry. Forget I said that. I'm drunk."
She forced herself to think about it. Maybe he'd been offline for just five minutes in that offline netherworld they had here, and maybe, just maybe, he'd done it. Maybe he'd slept with Carlotta. She could feel her world cracking at the thought, like ice over deep black water.
David played with the baby, a harmless tra-la-la expression on his face. No. No way he could have done it. She'd never even doubted him before. Never like this.
It was like a dozen years of confident adulthood had split open in black crevasses. Way down there, raw scars of the world-eating fear she'd felt, when she was nine years old and her parents broke up. Rum soured in her stomach, and she felt a sudden cramping pang.
It was another ploy, she thought grimly. They weren't going to do this to her. Everyone had insecurities. They knew about hers-they knew her personal history. But they weren't going to play on her private feelings of dread and make her start doubting reality. She wouldn't let them. No. No more weaknesses. Nothing but stern resolve. Until she'd put an end to this.
She stood up and walked quickly through the bedroom, to the bath. She threw off her filthy clothes. There was a stain.
Her period had started. The first she'd had since the. preg- nancy. "Oh, fuck," she said, and burst into tears. She got into the shower and let the needle-thin gush of odd-smelling water blast her face.
The weeping helped. She flushed the weakness out like poison in her tears. Then she put on mascara and eye shadow, so he wouldn't see the redness. And she wore a dress for dinner.
David was still full of the things he'd seen, so she let him talk, and just smiled and nodded, in Rita's candlelight.
He was serious about staying in Grenada. "The tech is more important than the politics," he told her blithely. "That crap never lasts, but a real innovation's like a permanent infrastructural asset!" The two of them could form a real
`Rizome Grenada'-it would be like arranging the Lodge, but on a scale twenty times bigger, and with free money. They would show them what a Rizome architect could do-and it'd be a foothold for some sane social values. Sooner or later the
Net would civilize the place-wean them away from their crazy piracy bullshit. Grenada didn't need dope, it needed food and shelter.
They went to bed, and David reached for her. And she had to tell him she had her period. He was surprised, and glad. "I thought you were looking a little stressed," he said. "It's been a whole year, hasn't it? Must feel pretty weird to have it back. "
"No," she said, "it's just... natural. You get used to it."
"You haven't said much tonight," he said. He rubbed her stomach gently. "Kind of mysterious."
"I'm just tired," she said. "I can't really talk about it just now."
"Don't let 'em get you down. Those Bank creeps aren't so much," he said. "I hope we get a chance to meet old
Louison, the prime minister. Down in the projects, people were talking about him like these Bank hustlers were just his errand boys." He hesitated. "I don't like the way they talked about Louison. Like they were really scared."
"Sticky told me there's a lot of war talk," Laura told him.
"The army's on alert. People are tense."
"You're tense," he said, rubbing her. "Your shoulders are like wood." He yawned. "You know you can. tell me any- thing, Laura. We don't keep secrets, you know that."
"I want to see the tapes tomorrow," she said. "We'll go over 'em together, like you said." There was bound to be a flaw in them, she thought. Somewhere, a little flicker, or a misplaced chunk of pixels. Something that would prove that they were faked, and that she wasn't crazy. She couldn't have people thinking she was cracking up. It would ruin everything.
She was unable to sleep. The day tossed through her mind, over and over. And the cramps were bad. At half past mid- night she gave up and put on a robe.
David had made Loretta a crib-a little square corral, padded all around with blankets. Laura looked over her little girl and cradled her with a glance. Then back at David. It was funny how much they looked alike when they slept. Father and daughter. Some strange human vitality that had passed through her, that she'd nurtured within herself. Wonderful, painful, eerie. The house was still as death.
She heard distant thunder. From the north. Hollow, re- peated booms. It was going to rain. That would be nice. A
little tropic rain to soothe her nerves.
She walked silently through the living room onto the porch.
She and David had cleared the junk away and swept the place; it was comfortable there now. She swung out the arms of an old Morris chair and reclined in it, propping up her tired legs. Warm garden air with the heavy-lidded perfume reek of ylang-ylang. No rain yet. The air was full of tension.
The distant lights at the gate flashed on. Laura winced and lifted her head. The two night guards-she didn't know their names yet-had come out and were conferring over their belt phones.
She heard a pop overhead. Very quiet, unobtrusive, like a rafter settling. Then another one: a faint metallic bonk, and a rustle. Very quiet, like birds landing.