"Well, forget it. We got the Egg, that's the important thing. And here's this bottle and that's important, too." He poured again. "Will that be all, ‘Boss'?"

"Damn you, Rufo! Yes, you sweet old scoundrel. You've straightened me out. Or conned me again, I don't know which."

"No con, Oscar, by the blood we've shed. I've told the truth as straight as I know it, though it hurt me. I didn't want to, you're my friend. Walking that rocky road with you I shall treasure all the days of my life."

"Uh...yes. Me, too. All of it."

"Then why are you frowning?"

"Rufo, I understand her now—as well as an ordinary person can—and respect her utterly...and love her more than ever. But I can't be anybody's fancy man. Not even here."

"I'm glad I didn't have to say that. Yes. She's right She's always right, damn Her! You must leave. For both of you. Oh, She wouldn't be hurt too much but staying would ruin you, in time. Destroy you, if you're stubborn.

"I had better get back—and toss my shoes." I felt better, as if I had told the surgeon: Go ahead. Amputate.

"Don't do that!"

"What?"

"Why should you? No need for anything final If a marriage is to last a long time—and yours might, even a very long time—then holidays should be long, too. And off the leash, son, with no date to report back and no promises. She knows that knights errant spend their nights erring, She expects it. It has always been so, un droit de la vocation—and necessary. They just don't mention it in kiddies' stories where you come from. So go see what's stirring in your line of work elsewhere and don't worry. Come back in four or forty years or something, you'll be welcome. Heroes always sit at the first table, it s their right. And they come and go as they please, and that's their right, too. On a smaller scale, you re something like Her."

"High compliment!"

"On a ‘smaller scale,' I said. Mmm, Oscar, part of your trouble is a need to go home. Your birthing land. To regain your perspective and find out who you are. All travelers feel this, I feel it myself from time to time. When the feeling comes, I pamper it."

"I hadn't realized I was homesick. Maybe I am."

"Maybe She realized it. Maybe She nudged you. Myself, I make it a rule to give any wife of mine a vacation from me whenever her face looks too familiar—for mine must be even more so to her, looking as I do. Why not, lad? Going back to Earth isn't the same as dying. I'm going there soon, that's why I'm clearing up this paper work. Happens we might be there the same time...and get together for a drink or ten and some laughs and stories. And pinch the waitress and see what she says. Why not?"

Chapter 21

Okay, here I am.

I didn't leave that week but soon. Star and I spent a tearful, glorious night before I left and she cried as she kissed me "Au ‘voir" (not "Good-bye"). But I knew her tears would dry once I was out of sight; she knew that I knew and I knew she preferred it so, and so did I. Even though I cried, too.

Pan American isn't as slick as the commercial Gates; I was bunged through in three fast changes and no hocus-pocus. A girl said, "Places, please"—then whambo!

I came out on Earth, dressed in a London suit, pass-port and papers in pocket, the Lady Vivamus in a kit that did not look like a sword case, and in other pockets drafts exchangeable for much gold, for I found that I didn't mind accepting a hero's fee. I arrived near Zurich, I don't know the address; the Gate service sees to that. Instead, I had ways to send messages.

Shortly those drafts became, numbered accounts in three Swiss banks, handled by a lawyer I had been told to see. I bought travelers checks several places and some I mailed ahead and some I carried, for I had no intention of paying Uncle Sugar 91 percent.

You lose track of time on a different day and calendar; there was a week or two left on that free ride home my orders called for. It seemed smart to take it—less conspicuous. So I did—an old four-engine transport, Prestwick to Gander to New York.

Streets looked dirtier, buildings not as tall—and headlines worse than ever. I quit reading newspapers, didn't stay long; California I thought of as "home." I phoned Mother; she was reproachful about my not having written and I promised to visit Alaska as soon as I could. How were they all? (I had in mind that my half brothers and sisters might need college help someday.)

They weren't hurting. My stepfather was on flight orders and had made permanent grade. I asked her to forward any mail to my aunt.

California looked better than New York. But it wasn't Nevia. Not even Center. It was more crowded than I remembered. All you can say for California towns is that they aren't as bad as other places. I visited my aunt and uncle because they had been good to me and I was thinking of using some of that gold in Switzerland to buy him free from his first wife. But she had died and they were talking about a swimming pool.

So I kept quiet. I had been almost ruined by too much money, it had grown me up a bit. I followed the rule of Their Wisdoms: Leave well enough alone.

The campus felt smaller and the students looked so young. Reciprocal, I guess. I was coming out of the malt shop across from Administration when two Letter sweaters came in, shoving me aside. The second said, "Watch it, Dad!"

I let him live.

Football had been re-emphasized, new coach, new dressing rooms, stands painted, talk about a stadium. The coach knew who I was; he knew the records and was out to make a name. "You're coming back, aren't you?" I told him I didn't think so.

"Nonsense!" he said. "Gotta get that old sheepskin! Silliest thing on earth to let your hitch in the Army stop you. Now look—" His voice dropped.

No nonsense about "sweeping the gym," stuff the Conference didn't like. But a boy could live with a family—and one could be found. If he paid his fees in cash, who cared? Quiet as an undertaker—"That leaves your GI benefits for pocket money."

"I don't have any."

"Man, don't you read the papers?" He had it on file: While I was gone, that unWar had been made eligible for GI benefits.

I promised to think it over.

But I had no such intention. I had indeed decided to finish my engineering degree, I like to finish things. But not there.

That evening I heard from Joan, the girl who had given me such a fine sendoff, then "Dear-Johnned" me. I intended to look her up, call on her and her husband; I just hadn't found out her married name yet. But she ran across my aunt, shopping, and phoned me. "Easy!" she said and sounded delighted.

"Who—Wait a minute, Joan!"

I must come to dinner that very night. I told her "Fine," and that I was looking forward to meeting the lucky galoot she had married.

Joan looked sweet as ever and gave me a hearty arms-around-my-neck smack, a welcome-home kiss, sisterly but good. Then I met the kids, one crib size and the other toddling.

Her husband was in L.A.

I should have reached for my hat. But it was all right think nothing of it Jim had phoned after she talked to me to say that he had to stay over one more night and of course it was all right for me to take her out to dinner he had seen me play football and maybe I would like to bowl tomorrow night she hadn't been able to get a baby sitter but her sister and brother-in-law were stopping in for drinks couldn't stay for dinner they were tied up after all dear it isn't like we hadn't known each other a long time oh you do too remember my sister there they are stopping out in front and I don't have the children in bed.

Her sister and brother-in-law stayed for one drink; Joan and her sister put the kids to bed while the brother-in-law sat with me and asked how things were in Europe he understood I was just back and then he told me how things were in Europe and what should be done about them. "You know, Mr. Jordan," he told me, tapping my knee, "a man in the real estate business like I am gets to be a pretty shrewd judge of human nature has to be and while I haven't actually been in Europe the way you have haven't had time somebody has to stay home and pay taxes and keep an eye on things while you lucky young fellows are seeing the world but human nature is the same anywhere and if we dropped just one little bomb on Minsk or Pinsk or one of those places they would see the light right quick and we could stop all this diddling around that's making it tough on the businessman. Don't you agree?"