"Let this be a lesson to you," says I. "This is what happens when a walker don't walk."
"Walkers do steady work, " says he. "But me, when business was good, it felt bad, and when business was bad, it felt good. You walk cats, maybe you can take some pride in it. But you walk dogs, and you know they're getting hurt every time--"
"They got a built-in switch, they don't feel a thing. That's why the dongs don't touch you, walking dogs, cause nobody gets hurt."
"Yeah, so tell me, which is worse, somebody getting tweezed till they scream so some old honk can pop his pimple, or somebody getting half their brain replaced so when the old honk tweezes her she can't feel a thing? I had these women's bodies around me and I knew that they used to be people."
"You can be glass," says I, "and still be people."
He saw I was taking it personally. "Oh, hey," says he, "you're under the line."
"So are dogs," says I.
"Yeah well," says he. "You watch a girl come back and tell about some of the things they done to her, and she's laughing, you draw your own line."
I look around his shabby place. "Your choice," says I.
"I wanted to feel clean," says he. "That don't mean I got to stay poor."
"So you're setting up this grope so you can return to the old days of peace and propensity."
"Propensity," says he. "What the hell kind of word is that? Why do you keep using words like that?"
"Cause I know them," says I.
"Well you *don't* know them," says he, "because half the time you get them wrong."
I showed him my best little-boy grin. "I know," says I. What I don't tell him is that the fun comes from the fact that almost nobody ever knows I'm using them wrong.
Dogwalker's no ordinary pimp. But then the ordinary pimp doesn't bench himself halfway through the game because of a sprained moral qualm, by which I mean that Dogwalker had some stray diagonals in his head, and I began to think it might be fun to see where they all hooked up.
Anyway, we got down to business. The target's name was Jesse H. Hunt, and I did a real job on him. The Crystal Kid really plugged in on this one. Dogwalker had about two pages of stuff-- date of birth, place of birth, sex at birth (no changes since), education, employment history. It was like getting an armload of empty boxes. I just laughed at it. "You got a jack to the city library?" I asked him, and he shows me the wall outlet. I plugged right in, visual onto my pocket sony, with my own little crystal head for ee-i-ee-i-oh. Not every goo-head can think clear enough to do this, you know, put out clean type just by thinking the right stuff out my left ear interface port.
I showed Dogwalker a little bit about research. Took me ten minutes. I know my way right through the Greensboro Public Library. I have P-words for every single librarian and I'm so ept that they don't even guess I'm stepping upstream through their access channels. From the Public Library you can get all the way into North Carolina Records Division in Raleigh, and from there you can jumble into federal personnel records anywhere in the country. Which meant that by nightfall on that most portentous day we had hardcopy of every document in Jesse H. Hunt's whole life, from his birth certificate and first grade report card to his medical history and security clearance reports when he first worked for the feds.
Dogwalker knew enough to be impressed. "If you can do all that," he says, "you might as well pug his P-word straight out."
"No puedo, putz," says I as cheerful as can be. "Think of the fed as a castle.
Personnel files are floating in the moat-- there's a few alligators but I swim real good. Hot data is deep in the dungeon. You can get in there, but you can't get out clean. And P-words-- P-words are kept up the queen's ass."
"No system is unbeatable," he says.
"Where'd you learn that, from graffiti in a toilet stall? if the P-word system was even a little bit breakable, Dogwalker, the gentlemen you plan to sell these cards to would already be inside looking out at us, and they wouldn't need to spend a meg to get clean greens from a street pug."
Trouble was that after impressing Dogwalker with all the stuff I could find out about Jesse H., I didn't know that much more than before. Oh, I could guess at some P-words, but that was all it was-- guessing. I couldn't even pick a P most likely to succeed. Jesse was one ordinary dull rat. Regulation good grades in school, regulation good evaluations on the job, probably gave his wife regulation lube jobs on a weekly schedule.
"You don't really think your girl's going to get his finger," says I with sickening scorn.
"You don't know the girl," says he. "If we needed his flipper she'd get molds in five sizes."
"You don't know this guy," says I. "This is the straightest opie in Mayberry. I don't see him cheating on his wife."
"Trust me," says Dogwalker. "She'll get his finger so smooth he won't, even know she took the mold."
I didn't believe him. I got a knack for knowing things about people, and Jesse H.
wasn't faking. Unless he started faking when he was five, which is pretty unpopulated. He wasn't going to bounce the first pretty girl who made his zipper tight. Besides which he was smart. His career path showed that he was always in the right place. The right people always seemed to know his name. Which is to say he isn't the kind whose brain can't run if his jeans get hot. I said so.
"You're really a marching band," says Dogwalker. "You can't tell me his P-word, but you're obliquely sure that he's a limp or a wimp."
"Neither one," says I. "He's hard and straight. But a girl starts rubbing up to him, he isn't going to think it's because she heard that his crotch is cantilevered.
He's going to figure she wants something and he'll give her string till he finds out what."
He just grinned at me. "I got me the best Password Man in the Triass, didn't I? I got me a miracle worker named Goo-Boy, didn't I? The ice-brain they call Crystal Kid. I got him, didn't I?"
"Maybe," says I.
"I got him or I kill him," he says, showing more teeth than a primate's supposed to have.
"You got me," says I. "But don't go thinking you can kill me."
He just laughs. "I got you and you're so good, you can bet I got me a girl who's at least as good at what she does."
"No such," says I.
"Tell me his P-word and then I'll be impressed."
"You want quick results? Then go ask him to give you his password himself."
Dogwalker isn't one of those guys who can hide it when he's mad. "I want quick results," he says. "And if I start thinking you can't deliver, I'll pull your tongue out of your head. Through your nose
"Oh, that's good," says I. "I always do my best thinking when I'm being physically threatened by a client. You really know how to bring out the best in me."
"I don't want to bring out the best," he says. "I just want to bring out his password."
"I got to meet him first," says I.
He leans over me so I can smell his musk, which is to say I'm very olfactory and so I can tell you he reeked of testosterone, by which I mean ladies could fill up with babies just from sniffing his sweat. "Meet him?" he asks me. "Why don't we just ask him to fill out a job application?"
"I've read all his job applications," says I.
"How's a glass-head like you'going to meet Mr. Fed? " says he. "I bet you're always getting invitations to the same parties as guys like him."
"I don't get invited to grown-up parties," says I. "But on the other hand, grown-ups don't pay much attention to sweet little kids like me."
He sighed. "You really have to meet him?"
"Unless fifty-fifty on a P-word is good enough odds for you."
All of a sudden he goes nova. Slaps a glass off the table and it breaks against the wall, and then he kicks the table over, and all the time I'm thinking about ways to get out of there unkilled. But it's me he's doing the show for, so there's no way I'm leaving, and he leans in close to me and screams in my face. "That's the last of your fifty-fifty and sixty-forty and three times in ten I want to hear about, Goo Boy, you hear me?"