'That's pretty neat!' exclaimed Dan, when Nettle had explained how she knew which way to go.

'Arrrrgh!' said Lucy. 'Sorry! I didn't mean to scream! It's just that robot moved so fast!' And it was true: the moment Dan and Nettle and Lucy stepped towards the First Class entrance, the Doorbot had overtaken them and was standing in between them and the doorway.

'I regret, sir, madam and thing.'

'Stop calling me a thing,' said Nettle.

'Super Galactic Class Travellers are not allowed beyond this point. Now if you'd kindly return to your own decks...'

'Get out of the way, Jeeves,' said Dan and he pushed past the robot.

'Sir will find the door sealed,' sniffed the Doorbot, 'and if you do not return to your own quarters I shall be forced to call the ship's security officers. They have vicious rabbits.'

Dan and Lucy were by now pushing and pulling on the First Class door, but it was clearly a pointless exercise.

'There must be another way of doing this,' said Nettle. Something about her tone of voice made Dan and Lucy calm down and return to rational thinking.

'OK!' said Dan. Let me handle this. After all, travel is - or has been - my business. What we have here is the commonest problem known to travellers the world over. How do we get a free upgrade?'

The Doorbot went silent.

'Ha!' Dan recognized the response immediately: corporate dumb insolence! 'If you don't tell us how to get a free upgrade immediately I shall report you to the Travel Association.' It was a bluff but it seemed to succeed.

'I cannot help you there, sir.' The contempt in the robot's voice was now so palpable it made Dan's skin feel rough. You will have to inquire with the Deskbot.' And he indicated the desk lamp that Nettle had been talking to earlier.

'Huh!' snorted Nettie. 'That machine's about as helpful as a strapless ball-gown under G-Force!'

Rut Dan had already run over to the Deskbot, and was now preparing to humiliate himself on an heroic scale.

'Look,' he began. 'We have been mis-assigned our accommodation. This - as I expect you recognize - is Gloria Stanley, the actress.' Dan pointed at Nettle who immediately caught on to his drift and dutifully treated the Deskbot to a sultry look. 'I am her manager and this young lady is her lawyer.' Lucy really did look the part in her pinstripe power suit. 'We should have been given First Class tickets but our travel agent screwed up the booking. Can you reassign us immediately?'

The Deskbot raised its shade or head and stared with its two lamps straight at Dan. He squirmed but held his composure.

'And which travel agency would that be?' asked the Deskbot.

'Top Ten Travel.' Dan was well into his role by now.

The Deskbot blinked a few times, as if running through a file somewhere in its database. There was a sort of 'bing!' noise and it drummed its fingers on the desk. 'I have no record of such an agency in the Galaxy.'

'I can assure you it does exist,' said Dan, whilst thinking, 'Well, it did exist up to this morning.'

'Look, we must get an upgrade to First.' Lucy had decided to chime in.

'Oh yes, madam.' The Deskbot had become insolently polite. 'And to whose account should this "upgrade" be charged?'

'Mayem, Rader and Lizt,' said Lucy. It was the name of her law firm.

'We have no record of such a company,' said the Deskbot.

'You didn't even check your database!' exclaimed Lucy indignantly.

The Deskbot blinked a couple of times and there was another 'bing!' noise. The Deskbot leant forward:

'I can only upgrade you if you pay the difference in advance.'

'How much is it?' Dan felt they were on a slippery slope here.

'Seventy million pistres or two pnedes. Currency is not accepted and you may only pay by Galactic Gold Credit Card.'

'I don't think you quite appreciate who Gloria Stanley is...' Dan decided to change tack.

'I don't give a stuff who "Gloria Stanley" is,' said the Deskbot suddenly and rather surprisingly. 'I can only upgrade you if you pay in advance with a Galactic Gold Card.'

'Oh, let it go,' muttered Nettle, who hated this sort of thing.

'Look,' said Lucy in her best lawyer's conciliatory tone, 'there must be some way you could organize an upgrade for us. We're valuable customers.'

The Deskbot seemed to do a quick check this time on a small screen set in the desk. 'Super Galactic Traveller Class - Complimentary,' it read. 'You're on free tickets?!'

'Exactly! We're valued customers! Celebrities!' Dan had thrown caution to the wind. But the Deskbot shook its shade. If it had had a lip, it would have curled.

'I'm sorry, there is absolutely nothing I can do. You simply cannot upgrade to First Class from Super Galactic Traveller Class - let alone on a complimentary ticket. Perhaps if you were Second Class I could do something.'

'Look!' said Nettie to the desk light 'We don't care what class we travel.'

'I do!' said Dan.

'So do I!' exclaimed Lucy.

'All we want to do,' Nettle continued, 'is talk to the Captain. Can you put us through to him?'

'I have no means of contacting the Captain,' replied the Deskbot. 'And, in any case, it is against company policy to allow Super Galactic Class Travellers - especially complimentary ones - access to any of the senior officers.'

'God!' muttered Nettle to the other two. 'I can't stand this sort of thing. There must be some way of getting through to the Captain.'

'How can we get reassigned to Second Class?' Lucy knew now that Dan was well and truly in the grip of that most powerful force known to man - the desire for a free upgrade. Nothing could stop him.

'That, surely can't be too much to ask?' Dan was halfway between whining and cajoling.

The Deskbot started to look earnestly at the ceiling.

That's a pretty shade you're wearing.' Lucy had decided to try another approach.

'It's just the company colours,' said the Deskbot.

'But it suits you,' said Lucy.

Dan rolled his eyes.

'Look!' He tried to reassert control on the discussion, but the Deskbot interrupted.

'You have free upgrade vouchers in your rooms. Now, please, I have better things to do.'

10

'Vouchers?' Dan was grunting this as they raced back through the loggia at the top of the Central Well. 'Isn't that the travel industry all over? Why do they never tell you these things in the first place?'

The Liftbot was in a cheerier mood - but only just. 'Down?' it said. 'That's what Chalky White yelled at me outside that fox-hole at Ypres. It was the last thing he ever did say. Buzz-bomb took him out - same bomb as took out my arm and leg. "Down!" I can hear his voice to this day...

By the time the elevator had reached the Super Galactic Traveller Class deck, the three had heard a full account of the rudimentary medical facilities available at the Caen dressing station, the technical details of cleaning out gangrene from a deep wound and a near-complete itemization of the Allied Forces requisitioning techniques in Cyprus. For a robot from a civilization which knew nothing of the Earth, it was a very impressive performance.

'God, I just hope we don't have to use that elevator many more times,' groaned Dan, as the three raced off down the Super Galactic Traveller Class corridor.

'Primula... Dahlia... Chrysanthemum...' Nettle was reading the names with her translatorspecs.

'We don't even know what ours were called,' moaned Lucy.

'Ah! "Cabbage",' said Nettie. 'This is mine!'

She gained entry with her PET (Personal Electric Thingie) and found her upgrade voucher on the last page of her copy of the Super Galactic Traveller Magazine - just after the Duty Free Shopping article.