"Really? What do you think, sir? Not bad for an old girl, huh?"

"It's... you look good, Brandy," Phule managed through a strangely tight smile. "You all do."

"I think so, too." The sergeant beamed. "I'll admit I was a little worried at first, displaying this old heap side by side with the newer models"-she jiggled a little to illustrate her point "but the proofs turned out great, so I gave it my go-ahead."

The butler nodded sagely.

"Oh yes. The extra copies you asked for will be ready this afternoon." He smiled.

"That's swell! How much will I owe you for those?"

"Nothing. Consider it to be with my-or more accurately, with the captain's-compliments. After all, it's his printer I'm using. "

"Hey, thanks, Captain. Well, got to go... my public awaits. "

Phule finally broke his self-imposed silence.

"Ah... Brandy?"

"Yes, sir?"

He started to speak twice before managing to settle his mind on one question.

"How did you get Mother to go along with this?"

"Go along with it? It was her idea! Well... later!"

The two men watched as she strode off to join one of the huddles, waving merrily at the whistles and catcalls that erupted at her approach.

"It was Mother's idea... sir," Beeker repeated blandly.

Phule smiled vacantly at the room.

"Jesus wept!" he said, uttering through clenched teeth the closest thing to a profanity that had passed his lips in years. "Do you realize-"

The beeper on his wrist communicator interrupted him in midsentence-the shrill Emergency Page that's pitched to grate against the nerves of any intelligent being in the known universe. Phule silenced it the only way the circuits would allow, by opening communication.

"Yes, Mother?"

"I really do hate to interrupt you at breakfast, Big Daddy, but there's a Colonel Battleax on the holo from HQ. She wants to talk to you real bad."

"On the way," Phule said, rising from his seat. "Jester out."

"Like the lady said," Beeker quipped, "your public awaits!"

Following the pattern set during their penthouse HQ days, the communications equipment had been installed in a room next to the commander's office. The new location had not improved the quality of the holo projections received, however, or the content of their messages.

"What kind of a silly-ass stunt is this, Captain?"

The image of Colonel Battleax hovered a few feet above the carpet, though in her vibrant anger it might not have been an error in transmission. The disheveled condition of her uniform, even more than her distraught manner, was an indication that she was transmitting without her usual preliminary preparations.

"Silly-ass stunt?"

"Don't give me that, Jester! I'm talking about the pictorial on your girls in this god-awful T&A magazine!"

"Oh... that!" Phule said, mentally blessing the marvels of modern magazine distribution. "Yes, ma'am. What seems to be the problem?"

"What's the problem? Don't you realize what this does to the dignity of the Legion?"

"Excuse me, ma'am... dignity? Are we talking about the same Legion?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Jester!"

Years of experience in keeping a calm front in the face of disaster rose to Phule's assistance.

"I'm not at all sure I do. I believe it was the colonel herself who said in our last conversation that she was tired of reading media reports of my company in barroom brawls. More to the point, it's my understanding that the Legionnaires were off duty and on their own time for the photo session in question, and Legion regulations clearly limit the extent to which a commander can interfere with his troops during their off-duty hours... Articles 147 to 162, I believe."

The colonel's image glowered down on him.

"All right, Jester. If we're going to play those games, Article 181 specifically forbids Legionnaires from accepting wages, gratuities, or any other form of individual payment for employment or services while enlisted in the Legion-off duty or not!"

"But Article 214 expressly allows Legionnaires to perform work or service on their own hours, providing the proceeds from those labors are paid directly to or forwarded to their assigned company rather than retained as private gain. I can reassure the colonel that the payment for the Legionnaires' appearance in the magazine in question was duly surrendered to the company fund, as is required by the tenants of that article. "

"I'm familiar with that article as well, Jester," Battleax shot back, "and I'm somehow not surprised you have it memorized. To my recollection, however, the rest of that article goes on to state that the approval of the company commander is required for such off-duty activity. Are you telling me that you approved this appearance?"

Phule started to cross his fingers behind his back, then recalled the requirement of not lying, or at least not saying anything that might later be proved a lie. With that in mind, he uncrossed his fingers and phrased his answer very carefully.

"Colonel Battleax... ma'am... frankly it's their bodies. I don't feel I have the right to order them not to display them, any more than it would be my right to order them to display them."

The colonel's image pursed its lips for a moment, then seemed to deflate with a long exhale.

"I see. All right, Captain. You're off the hook again. I hope you realize though, exactly how much I'm going to enjoy explaining this here at HQ."

"I realize that, ma'am," Phule replied, stoically repressing a smile at the mental image, "and I'd like to say that I and the rest of the company appreciate the colonel's efforts in our behalf. "

"Well, you can tell that menagerie of yours for me that they can show their appreciation by trying to give me a few less items to explain. Okay?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll definitely pass that along."

"Very well. Battleax out."

The transmission did not break off immediately, and for a moment Phule thought he saw a grin flash across the colonel's face as her image vanished.

Perhaps the most puzzling thing to me has always been that successful people invariably seem surprised by their own success. As a case in point, my employer had taken over the Omega Company with the express idea of building it into an effective unit. He planned to do this by raising the Legionnaires' self-esteem, and worked ceaselessly toward that goal. When his labor finally began to bear fruit, however, it seemed to take him totally unawares.

Of course, the speed of the company's development was a bit unnerving. In hindsight, I guess it's apparent that there is nothing quite as fanatically loyal as a stray that's found a home. At the time, however, the Legionnaires' sudden enthusiasm was more than a little unsettling.

"... and finally, I am pleased to report that the holdings in the company portfolio have increased substantially since my last report. I'll have a detailed report available for those interested, but cutting through to the bottom line, we're currently up by eight, which is to say every dollar invested in our fund at the last report is now worth eight."

A low murmur rippled through the assemblage at this announcement, with some Legionnaires whispering excitedly at what they could do with their increased wealth while others groaned and grumbled over the profits they had lost by pulling all or part of their money out after the last reported increases. The entire company was gathered for one of Phule's periodic informal debriefings. Whether it was items too minor to warrant announcement by wrist communicators, but too important to trust to a general notice posted on the bulletin board, or issues he wished to discuss with the Legionnaires face-to-face, the commander felt it was important to keep this line of exchange open, and the company had responded with diligent attendance whenever word was passed of an assembly. After waiting several moments for the reactions to run their course, he held up a hand for silence.