As the vision faded, Valentine could hear someone weeping. Plikt. In all their years together, Valentine had never heard Plikt show such frailty.
“Bonita,” said Miro. Pretty.
Was that all he had seen? The hive queen was pretty? The communication must be weak indeed between Miro and Ender– but why shouldn't it be? He hadn't known Ender that long or that well, while Valentine had known Ender all her life.
But if that was why Valentine's reception of Ender's thought was so much stronger than Miro's, how could she explain the fact that Plikt had so clearly received far more than Valentine? Was it possible that in all her years of studying Ender, of admiring him without really knowing him, Plikt had managed to bind herself more tightly to Ender than even Valentine was bound?
Of course she had. Of course. Valentine was married. Valentine had a husband. She had children. Her philotic connection to her brother was bound to be weaker. While Plikt had no allegiance strong enough to compete. She had given herself wholly to Ender. So with the hive queen making it possible for the philotic twines to carry thought, of course Plikt received Ender most perfectly. There was nothing to distract. No part of herself withheld.
Could even Novinha, who after all was tied to her children, have such a complete devotion to Ender? It was impossible. And if Ender had any inkling of this, it had to be disturbing to him. Or attractive? Valentine knew enough of men and women to know that worship was the most seductive of attributes. Have I brought a rival with me, to trouble Ender's marriage?
Can Ender and Plikt read my thoughts, even now?
Valentine felt deeply exposed, frightened. As if in answer, as if to calm her, the hive queen's mental voice returned, drowning out any thoughts that Ender might be sending.
Maybe, thought Ender.
I'll never kill you. Ender's thought came like a whisper, almost drowned out in the hive queen's pleading.
We couldn't kill you anyway, thought Valentine. It's you who could easily kill us. Once you build your starships. Your weapons. You could be ready for the human fleet. Ender isn't commanding them this time.
Peace, came Ender's whisper. Peace. Be at peace, calm, quiet, rest. Fear nothing. Fear no man.
Don't build a ship for the piggies, thought Valentine. Build a ship for yourself, because you can kill the descolada you carry. But not for them.
The hive queen's thoughts abruptly changed from pleading to harsh rebuke.
No, thought Valentine. She was already ashamed of herself for having suggested such a betrayal. Or were those the hive queen's feelings? Or Ender's? Was she really sure which thoughts and feelings were her own, and which were someone else's?
The fear she felt– it was her own, she was almost certain of that.
“Please,” she said. “I want to leave.”
“Eu tambem,” said Miro.
Ender took a single step toward the hive queen, reached out a hand toward her. She didn't extend her arms– she was using them to jam the last of her sacrifices into the egg chamber. Instead the queen raised a wing-cover, rotated it, moved it toward Ender until at last his hand rested on the black rainbow surface.
Don't touch it! cried Valentine silently. She'll capture you! She wants to tame you!
“Hush,” said Ender aloud.
Valentine wasn't sure whether he was speaking in answer to her silent cries, or was trying to silence something the hive queen was saying only to him. It didn't matter. Within moments Ender had hold of a bugger's finger and was leading them back into the dark tunnel. This time he had Valentine second, Miro third, and Plikt bringing up the rear. So that it was Plikt: who cast the last look backward toward the hive queen; it was Plikt who raised her hand in farewell.
All the way up to the surface, Valentine struggled to make sense of what had happened. She had always thought that if only people could communicate mind-to-mind, eliminating the ambiguities of language, then understanding would be perfect and there'd be no more needless conflicts. Instead she had discovered that rather than magnifying differences between people, language might just as easily soften them, minimize them, smooth things over so that people could get along even though they really didn't understand each other. The illusion of comprehension allowed people to think they were more alike than they really were. Maybe language was better.
They crawled out of the building into the sunlight, blinking, laughing in relief, all of them. “Not fun,” said Ender. “But you insisted, Val. Had to see her right away.”
“So I'm a fool,” said Valentine. “Is that news?”
“It was beautiful,” said Plikt.
Miro only lay on his back in the capim and covered his eyes with his arm.
Valentine looked at him lying there and caught a glimpse of the man he used to be, the body he used to have. Lying there, he didn't stagger; silent, there was no halting in his speech. No wonder his fellow xenologer had fallen in love with him. Ouanda. So tragic to discover that her father was also his father. That was the worst thing revealed when Ender spoke for the dead in Lusitania thirty years ago. This was the man that Ouanda had lost; and Miro had also lost this man that he was. No wonder he had risked death crossing the fence to help the piggies. Having lost his sweetheart, he counted his life as worthless. His only regret was that he hadn't died after all. He had lived on, broken on the outside as he was broken on the inside.
Why did she think of these things, looking at him? Why did it suddenly seem so real to her?
Was it because this was how he was thinking of himself right now? Was she capturing his image of himself? Was there some lingering connection between their minds?
“Ender,” she said, “what happened down there?”
“Better than I hoped,” said Ender.
“What was?”
“The link between us.”
“You expected that?”
“Wanted it.” Ender sat on the side of the car, his feet dangling in the tall grass. “She was hot today, wasn't she?”
“Was she? I wouldn't know how to compare.”
“Sometimes she's so intellectual– it's like doing higher mathematics in my head, just talking to her. This time– like a child. Of course, I've never been with her when she was laying queen eggs. I think she may have told us more than she meant to.”
“You mean she didn't mean her promise?”
“No, Val, no, she always means her promises. She doesn't know how to lie.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“I was talking about the link between me and her. How they tried to tame me. That was really something, wasn't it? She was furious there for a moment, when she thought that you might have been the link they needed. You know what that would have meant to them– they wouldn't have been destroyed. They might even have used me to communicate with the human governments. Shared the galaxy with us. Such a lost opportunity.”
“You would have been– like a bugger. A slave to them.”
“Sure. I wouldn't have liked it. But all the lives that would have been saved– I was a soldier, wasn't I? If one soldier, dying, can save the lives of billions …”
“But it couldn't have worked. You have an independent will,” said Valentine.
“Sure,” said Ender. “Or at least, more independent than the hive queen can deal with. You too. Comforting, isn't it?”
“I don't feel very comforted right now,” said Valentine. “You were inside my head down there. And the hive queen– I feel so violated–”