And he would have to start exploring soon. His exercise was making him stronger, and he was staying lean by not overeating – it was unbelievable how much food they tried to force on him, and they kept increasing his portions, probably because the previous servings hadn't caused him to gain as much weight as they wanted him to gain. But what he could not control was the increase in his height. The ducts would be impassable for him before too long – if they weren't already. Yet using the air system to get him access to the hidden decks was not something he could do during showers. It would mean losing sleep. So he kept putting it off – one day wouldn't make that much difference.
Until the morning when Dimak came into the barracks first thing in the morning and announced that everyone was to change his password immediately, with his back turned to the rest of the room, and was to tell no one what the new password was. "Never type it in where anyone can see," he said.
"Somebody's been using other people's passwords?" asked a kid, his tone suggesting that he thought this an appalling idea. Such dishonor! Bean wanted to laugh.
"It's required of all I.F. personnel, so you might as well develop the habit now," said Dimak. "Anyone found using the same password for more than a week will go on the pig list."
But Bean could only assume that they had caught on to what he was doing. That meant they had probably looked back into his probing for the past months and knew pretty much what he had found out. He signed on and purged his secure file area, on the chance that they hadn't actually found it yet. Everything he really needed there, he had already memorized. He would never rely on the desk again for anything his memory could hold.
Stripping and wrapping his towel around him, Bean headed for the showers with the others. But Dimak stopped him at the door.
"Let's talk," he said.
"What about my shower?" asked Bean.
"Suddenly you care about cleanliness?" asked Dimak.
So Bean expected to be chewed out for stealing passwords. Instead, Dimak sat beside him on a lower bunk near the door and asked him far more general questions. "How are you getting on here?"
"Fine."
"I know your test scores are good, but I'm concerned that you aren't making many friends among the other kids."
"I've got a lot of friends."
"You mean you know a lot of people's names and don't quarrel with anybody."
Bean shrugged. He didn't like this line of questioning any better than he would have liked an inquiry into his computer use.
"Bean, the system here was designed for a reason. There are a lot of factors that go into our decisions concerning a student's ability to command. The classwork is an important part of that. But so is leadership."
"Everybody here is just full of leadership ability, right?"
Dimak laughed. "Well, that's true, you can't all be leaders at once."
"I'm about as big as a three-year-old," said Bean. "I don't think a lot of kids are eager to start saluting me."
"But you could be building networks of friendship. The other kids are. You don't."
"I guess I don't have what it takes to be a commander."
Dimak raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting you want to be iced?"
"Do my test scores look like I'm trying to fail?"
"What do you want?" asked Dimak. "You don't play the games the other kids play. Your exercise program is weird, even though you know the regular program is designed to strengthen you for the battleroom. Does that mean you don't intend to play that game, either? Because if that's your plan, you really will get iced. That's our primary means of assessing command ability. That's why the whole life of the school is centered around the armies."
"I'll do fine in the battleroom," said Bean.
"If you think you can do it without preparation, you're mistaken. A quick mind is no replacement for a strong, agile body. You have no idea how physically demanding the battleroom can be."
"I'll join the regular workouts, sir."
Dimak leaned back and closed his eyes with a small sigh. "My, but you're compliant, aren't you, Bean."
"I try to be, sir."
"That is such complete bullshit," said Dimak.
"Sir?" Here it comes, thought Bean.
"If you devoted the energy to making friends that you devote to hiding things from the teachers, you'd be the most beloved kid in the school."
"That would be Ender Wiggin, sir."
"And don't think we haven't picked up on the way you obsess about Wiggin."
"Obsess?" Bean hadn't asked about him after that first day. Never joined in discussions about the standings. Never visited the battleroom during Ender's practice sessions.
Oh. What an obvious mistake. Stupid.
"You're the only launchy who has completely avoided so much as seeing Ender Wiggin. You track his schedule so thoroughly that you are never in the same room with him. That takes real effort."
"I'm a launchy, sir. He's in an army."
"Don't play dumb, Bean. It's not convincing and it wastes my time."
Tell a useless and obvious truth, that was the rule. "Everyone compares me to Ender all the time 'cause I came here so young and small. I wanted to make my own way."
"I'll accept that for now because there's a limit to how deeply I want to wade into your bullshit," said Dimak.
But in saying what he'd said about Ender, Bean wondered if it might not be true. Why shouldn't I have such a normal emotion as jealousy? I'm not a machine. So he was a little offended that Dimak seemed to assume that something more subtle had to be going on. That Bean was lying no matter what he said.
"Tell me," said Dimak, "why you refuse to play the fantasy game."
"It looks boring and stupid," said Bean. That was certainly true.
"Not good enough," said Dimak. "For one thing, it isn't boring and stupid to any other kid in Battle School. In fact, the game adapts itself to your interests."
I have no doubt of that, thought Bean. "It's all pretending," said Bean. "None of it's real."
"Stop hiding for one second, can't you?" snapped Dimak. "You know perfectly well that we use the game to analyze personality, and that's why you refuse to play."
"Sounds like you've analyzed my personality anyway," said Bean.
"You just don't let up, do you?"
Bean said nothing. There was nothing to say.
"I've been looking at your reading list," said Dimak. "Vauban?"
"Yes?"
"Fortification engineering from the time of Louis the Fourteenth?"
Bean nodded. He thought back to Vauban and how his strategies had adapted to fit Louis's ever-more-straitened finances. Defense in depth had given way to a thin line of defenses; building new fortresses had largely been abandoned, while razing redundant or poorly placed ones continued. Poverty triumphing over strategy. He started to talk about this, but Dimak cut him off.
"Come on, Bean. Why are you studying a subject that has nothing to do with war in space?"
Bean didn't really have an answer. He had been working through the history of strategy from Xenophon and Alexander to Caesar and Machiavelli. Vauban came in sequence. There was no plan – mostly his readings were a cover for his clandestine computer work. But now that Dimak was asking him, what did seventeenth-century fortifications have to do with war in space?
"I'm not the one who put Vauban in the library."
"We have the full set of military writings that are found in every library in the fleet. Nothing more significant than that."
Bean shrugged.
"You spent two hours on Vauban."
"So what? I spent as long on Frederick the Great, and I don't think we're doing field drills, either, or bayoneting anyone who breaks ranks during a march into fire."
"You didn't actually read Vauban, did you," said Dimak. "So I want to know what you were doing."