That's where her babies were.
In the belly of the Beast.
The car came to a stop at a simple platform. The underground road went on, to destinations Petra did not bother trying to guess. For all she knew, the tunnel ran to Baghdad, to Amman, under the mountains to Ankara, maybe even under the radioactive desert to arise in the place where the ancient stone waits for the half-life of the half-life of the half-life of death to pass, so pilgrims can come again on haj[?].
Lankowski reached out a hand and helped her from the car, though she was young and he was old. His attitude toward her was strange, as if he had to treat her very carefully. As if she was not robust, as if she could easily break.
And it was true. She was the one who could break. Who broke.
Only I can't break now. Because maybe I still have one child. Maybe putting this one inside me did not kill it, but gave it life. Maybe it has taken root in my garden and will blossom and bear fruit, a baby on a short twisted stem. And when the fruit is plucked, out will come stem and root as well, leaving the garden empty. And where will the others be then? They have been taken to grow in someone else's plot. Yet I will not break now, because I have this one, perhaps this one.
"Thank you," she said to Lankowski. "But I'm not so fragile as to need help getting out of a car."
He smiled at her, but said nothing. She followed him into the elevator and they rose up into...
A garden. As lush as the Philippine jungle clearing where Peter gave the order that would bring the Beast into their house, driving them out.
She saw that the courtyard was glassed over. That's why it was so humid here. That's how it stayed so moist. Nothing was given up to the dry desert air.
Sitting quietly on a stone chair in the middle of the garden was a tall, slender man, his skin the deep cacao brown of the upper Niger where he had been born.
She did not walk up to him at once, but stood admiring what she saw. The long legs, clad not in the business suit that had been the uniform of westerners for centuries now, but in the robes of a sheik. His head was not covered, however And there was no beard on his chin. Still young, and yet also now a man.
"Alai," she murmured. So softly that she doubted he could hear.
And perhaps he did not hear, but chose that moment only by coincidence, to turn and see her. His brooding expression softened into a smile. But it was not the boyish grin that she had known when he bounded along the low-gravity inner corridors of Battle School. This smile had weariness in it, and old fears long mastered but still present. It was the smile of wisdom.
She realized then why Alai had disappeared from view.
He is Caliph. They have chosen a Caliph again, all the Muslim world under the authority of one man, and it is Alai.
She could not know this, not just from his place here in a garden. Yet she knew from the way he sat in it that this was a throne. She knew from the way she was brought here, with no trappings of power, no guards, no passwords, just a simple man of elegant courtesy leading her to the boy-man seated on the ancient throne. Alai's power was spiritual. In all of Damascus there was no safer place than here. No one would bother him. Millions would die before letting an uninvited stranger set foot here.
He beckoned to her, and it was the gentle invitation of a holy man. She did not have to obey him, and he would not mind if she did not come. But she came.
"Salaam," said Alai.
"Salaam," said Petra.
"Stone girl," he said.
"Hi," she said. The old joke between them, him punning on the meaning of her name in the original Greek, her punning on the jai of jai chat.
"I'm glad you're safe," he said.
"Your life has changed since you regained your freedom."
"And yours, too," said Alai. "Married now.
"A good Catholic wedding."
"You should have invited me," he said.
"You couldn't have come," she said.
"No," he agreed. "But I would have wished you well."
"Instead you have done well by us when we needed it most."
"I'm sorry that I did nothing to protect the other... children. But I didn't know about them in time. And I assumed that Bean and you would have had enough security... no, no, please, I'm sorry, I'm reminding you of pain instead of soothing you.
She sank down and sat on the ground before his throne, and he leaned over to gather her into his arms. She rested her head and arms on his lap, and he stroked her hair "When we were children, playing the greatest computer game in the world, we had no idea."
"We were saving the world."
"And now we're creating the world we saved."
"Not me," said Petra. "I'm no longer a player."
"Are any of us players?" said Alai. "Or are we only the pieces moved in someone else's game?"
"Inshallah," said Petra.
She had rather expected Alai to chuckle, but he only nodded. "Yes, that is our belief, that all that happens comes from the will of God. But I think it is not your belief."
"No. we Christians have to guess the will of God and try to bring it to pass.
"It feels the same, when things are happening," said Alai. "Sometimes you think that you're in control, because you make things change by your own choices. And then something happens that sweeps all your plans away as if they were nothing, just pieces on a chessboard."
"Shadows that children make on the wall," said Petra, "and someone turns the light off."
"Or turns a brighter one on," said Alai, "and the shadows disappear.
"Alai," said Petra, "will you let us go again? I know your secret."
"Yes, I'll let you go," said Alai. "The secret can't be kept for long. Too many people know it already."
"We would never tell."
"I know," said Alai. "Because we were once in Ender's jeesh. But I'm in another jeesh now. I stand at the head of it, because they asked me to do it, because they said God had chosen me. I don't know about that. I don't hear the voice of God, I don't feel his power inside me. But they come to me with their plans, their questions, the conflicts between nations, and I offer suggestions. And they take them. And things work out. So far at least, they've always worked. So perhaps I am chosen by God."
"Or you're very clever"
"Or very lucky." Alai looked at his hands. "Still, it's better to believe that some high purpose guides our steps than to think that nothing matters except our own small miseries and happinesses."
"Unless our happiness is the high purpose."
"If our happiness is the purpose of God," said Alai, "why are so few of us happy?"
"Perhaps he wants us to have the happiness that we can only find for ourselves."
Alai nodded and chuckled. "We Battle School brats, we all have a bit of the imam in us, don't you think?"
"The Jesuit. The rabbi. The lama."
"Do you know how I find my answers? Sometimes, when it's very hard? I ask myself 'What would Ender do?'"
Petra shook her head. "It's the old joke. 'I ask myself What would a person smarter than me do in this circumstance, and then I do it.'"
"But Ender isn't imaginary. He was with us, and we knew him. We saw how he built us into an army, how he knew us all, found the best in us, pushed us as hard as we could bear, and sometimes harder, but himself hardest of all."
Petra felt once again the old sting, that she was the only one he had pushed harder than she could bear.
It made her sad and angry, and even though she knew that Alai had not even been thinking of her when he said it, she wanted to lash back at him.
But he had been kind to her and Bean. Had saved them, and brought them here, even though he did not need or want non-Muslims helping him, since his new role as the leader of the world's Muslims required a certain purity, if not in his soul, then certainly in his companionship.