His original warmth had returned... and then some. Whatever he had seen on the screen had definitely improved his opinion of me.

"Oh. That would be Bunny. She's my administrative assistant."

"I hope you pay her well. Otherwise some other outfit might be tempted to swoop down and hire her away from you."

From his tone, I could make a pretty good guess as to which outfit might be interested in doing just that.

"Among other things, she holds stock in our operation." I said pointedly.

"Of course, of course. Just a thought. Well Mis... Skeeve, I'm sure we can provide you with adequate financial support during your stay on Perv. What's more I hope you'll keep us in mind should you ever want to open an office here and need to open a local account." Pervects have an exceptional number of teeth, and Malcolm seemed determined to show all of his to me without missing a syllable. I was starting to get impressed myself. I had known our operation was doing well, but had never stopped to assess exactly how well. If the banker's reaction was an accurate gauge, however, we must have been doing very well indeed!

"If you'll give me just a moment here, Skeeve," he said, lunging out of his seat and heading for the door, "I'll get the staff started while we fill out the necessary paperwork. We should be able to have some imprinted checks and one of our special, solid gold credit cards ready for you before you leave."

"Hold it, Malcolm!"

Things were suddenly starting to move uncomfortably fast, and I wanted a bit of clarification before they went much further.

The banker stopped as if he had hit the end of an invisible leash.

"Yes?"

"As you can probably tell, I'm not as at home with financial terms as I should be. Would you mind defining ‘ adequate financial support' to me... in layman' s terms?"

The smile vanished as he licked his lips nervously. "Well," he said, "we should be able to cover your day-to day needs, but if you were to require substantial backing...say, over seven figures, we'd probably appreciate a day's warning."

Seven figures! He was saying the bank was ready to supply me with up to ten million... more if I gave them warning. I resolved that when I got back to the office, I was going to have to have Bunny go over our exact financial condition with me!

Chapter Sixteen:

"You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards!"

—PRINCE

EDVIK WAS VISIBLY impressed by my success with the bank. That was all right. I was impressed, too.

"Gee! A solid gold card! I've heard about those, but I've never really seen one before," he exclaimed as I proudly displayed my prize. "Not bad for a guy who didn't think the bankers would want to even talk to him."

"It's my first time to deal with a bank," I said loftily. "To be honest with you, I didn't even know about credit cards until Malcolm explained them to me." A cloud passed over the cabbie's face.

"You've never had a credit card before? Well, watch your step is all I can say. They can be a dangerous habit, and if you get behind, bankers can be worse than Deveels to deal with."

"Worse than Deveels?"

I didn't like the sound of that. Deveels were a devil I knew... if you'll pardon the pun. Now I was starting to wonder if I should have asked a few more questions before accepting the bank's services.

"Don't worry about it," Edvick said, giving my back a hearty slap. "With your money, you can't go wrong. Now then, let's see about finding you a bodyguard."

"Urn... excuse me, but something just occurred to me."

"What's that?"

"Well, now that I have checks and a credit card, I don't have to carry a lot of cash around."

"Yeah. So?"

"So if I'm not carrying a lot of cash, what do I need a bodyguard for?"

The cabbie rubbed his chin thoughtfully before answering.

"First of all, just because you and I and the bank know you aren't carrying a big wad anymore doesn't mean the muggers know it."

"Good point. I..."

"Then again, there's the gang that might still be after you for roughing them up last night..."

"Okay. Why don't we..."

"... And there's still an ax murderer loose somewhere around your hotel..."

"Enough! I get the picture! Let's go find a bodyguard." It occurred to me that if I listened to Edvick long enough, I'd either want more than one bodyguard or decide not to set foot outside my room at all.

"Good," my guide declared, rubbing his hands together as the cab commenced its now familiar swerving. "I think I know just the person."

Settling back in my seat, it occurred to me that Edvick would probably get a kickback from this bodyguard he was lining me up with. That would explain his enthusiasm to get us together. I banished the thought as a needless suspicion.

The alert reader may have noticed that with the exception of a vague reference to the fat lady in the department store, I have said absolutely nothing about female Pervects. There's a reason for that. Frankly, they intimidate me. Now don't get me wrong, male Pervects are quite fearsome, as can be ascertained by my accounts of my friend and partner, Aahz. On the whole, they are big and muscular and would just as soon break you in two as look at you. Still, they possess a certain rough and tumble sense of humor, and are not above blustering a bit. All in all, they remind me of a certain type of lizard: the kind that puffs itself up and hisses when it's threatened... it can give a nasty bite, but it would probably prefer you to back down. Female Pervects seem to be cut from a whole different bolt of cloth. Their eyes are narrower and set further back on the head, making them look more... well, reptilian. They never smile or laugh, and they don't ever bluff. In short, they look and act more dangerous than their male counterparts.

Some of you may wonder why I am choosing this point of the narrative to expound on the subject of female Pervects. The rest of you have already figured it out. For the former, let it suffice to say that the bodyguard Edvick introduced me to was a female.

We found her in a bar, a lounge, actually, which the cabbie informed me she used as an office between jobs. She didn't move or blink as we approached her table, which I came to realize meant she had been watching us from the moment we walked through the door. Edvick slid into a vacant chair at her table without invitation and motioned me into another.

"This is Skeeve... the Klahd I was telling you about," he announced, then fumed to me. "Skeeve, this here's the bodyguard I'd recommend for you. There may be some better at doing what she does, but if so, I don't know ‘em. For protection against physical or magikal attacks, she's top of the line."

With that, he leaned back in his chair, letting us size each other up like two predators meeting over a fresh kill. Female Pervects seem to come in two body types. I'll tell you about the other type later, but the kind the bodyguard was was the lean, wiry variety. Even sitting down I could tell she was tall, taller than me, anyway. Where Pervish males, as typified by Aahz, were generally built like walls, she was as slender and supple as a whip... a rapier to their ax. I've mentioned that the men reminded me of lizards, well, she made me think of a poisonous snake... graceful and beautiful without being attractive. She was wearing a dark waist-length cape that was almost a poncho except it was open in front, revealing a form-fitting jumpsuit underneath. Even a violence know-nothing like me could tell the cape would be perfect for producing and vanishing weapons with unsettling ease. Overall, she impressed me as being the most deadly woman I had ever met... realizing I haven't met that many green, bald, scaly women.

"I hear you drink," she said bluntly, breaking the silence.