Once the performance started, Ben found himself enthralled by the vocal talents of the singers. Each voice had so much raw power that he found it difficult to believe they weren’t boosted electronically. He sat in rapt fascination for the first hour, soaking in as much as he could. The second hour he began to squirm, eager to leave the theater so he could attempt to imitate what he was hearing.

While the music had won him over completely, the plot left much to be desired. From what he could understand it was simply a string of rocky relationships, passionate betrayals, and untimely deaths. Perhaps that’s all real life was, he mused. He’d had his share of dysfunctional love, but he hoped to avoid betraying anyone he cared for. Death was inevitable, but he expected it to be a long time coming.

He looked over at Jace, who was lost in his own thoughts. Ben wondered if they would be together on that final day. If so, would they go at the same time, or would one of them be left behind to struggle with grief? These thoughts were too abstract to be frightening and were quickly forgotten by Ben, who chose instead to dwell on the warm feelings of love and desire that always came from being near his boyfriend. The future was always uncertain, but at least now it wouldn’t be lonely.

__________

Chapter 20

Time became a blur that swept Ben along, often leaving him breathless and disorientated. Not all of his academic credits had transferred seamlessly, meaning he had extra work to catch up on. His classes were much more demanding than those of his old school. Often he would spend his every waking hour trying to balance all his projects and studies, barely finishing one before more work was added to the pile. Then Jace would manifest like the eye of a storm, pulling Ben free from his frenzy and forcing him to slow down and relax, if only for one night. Ben began to appreciate rather than resent the demanding schedule of Jace’s job, since he had so little time of his own to give.

Finals battered Ben like a vicious storm, testing his determination and will. Just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, the clouds pulled away to reveal the empty bliss of summer. Ben flew home, intending only to stay a week, but ended up staying the entire summer break. After the first few days, he moved his luggage from his parent’s house to Jace’s loft apartment.

Ben took a job as a waiter at a vegetarian restaurant downtown. He didn’t enjoy the work, but it helped keep him occupied on the frequent nights that Jace was away. He also felt proud being able to take his boyfriend out instead of expecting Jace to pay for everything.

With Jace so often absent, Samson warmed to Ben. At first he was only willing to occupy the same mattress to guard Jace’s side of the bed. Eventually he moved over to cuddle against Ben’s leg. By the end of the summer, Ben would often wake up with the cat sprawled on top of him, something Jace insisted he had never seen the cat do with anyone but him.

The days when Jace was in town were bliss, and he often offered using his airline connections to take them on a short trip somewhere. Ben declined, preferring to have as much privacy together as possible. His appetite for Jace was insatiable. Sometimes they would venture out and explore Houston, searching for nooks of the city that neither of them had yet seen. Mostly they would stay home, taking turns cooking, lounging around and talking with light music on in the background.

Jace met the family and performed stunningly, charming Ben’s mother and managing to talk shop with his father. Karen insisted on being present, which had Ben nervous, but her typically rude comments were parried by Jace’s subtle wit, leaving her puzzled and everyone else laughing. Life couldn’t have been better.

When summer break ended and Ben had to return to Austin, his heart ached as he packed his possessions scattered around Jace’s apartment. He wanted to continue living there, so much so that he seriously considered transferring to the University of Houston. Jace dismissed the idea, reminding him of the complications that came with transferring credits, and that the connections Ben had made in his current school would be crucial in the final year.

These points made sense, but Ben couldn’t help wondering if Jace was slowly tiring of him. Ben supposed that his constant presence might have been too much when Jace was home, but he had been invited, and wouldn’t their relationship lead to living together eventually? Maybe it was too soon for Jace, but Ben had no reservations and was willing to give all of himself to the other man.

His fears appeared to be confirmed as soon as he was back in Austin. Jace’s calls became less frequent, and when they did come his boyfriend sounded distracted, even distant. Ben became convinced that Jace was hiding something from him when he stopped volunteering what he had done with his free time. The third week Jace cancelled a planned visit, and the fourth he didn’t call at all.

Ben could no longer deny it. Their relationship was falling apart, and he had no idea how to fix it since he didn’t have a clue as to what was wrong. He was playing Monopoly with Allison one night, both of them doing shots of tequila every time they landed on each other’s property, when he decided to take action. The results weren’t pretty. He called Jace and left an angry voicemail when he didn’t answer, one that ended with him sobbing into the phone.

Allison tried to console him by breaking out two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and pigging out with him. Ben was scrapping the bottom of the paper carton when the doorbell rang. He gave Allison a moody look, silently asking her to answer it. Good friend that she was, she complied.

Murmured voices came from the entryway. Ben was straining to hear when Jace walked into the kitchen with an arm full of roses. Ben wiped the ice cream from his mouth and reached up to check his hair, before giving up and blushing.

“I’m sorry,” Jace said, proffering the roses. He set them on the kitchen table when Ben didn’t take them. “Look, I’ve been an idiot, but I think you’ll forgive me if you come with me.”

“I don’t know,” Ben said, his head spinning. He wished that he hadn’t done all those shots and was beginning to regret horking down all the ice cream, too. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jace sighed. “I was trying to be romantic and surprise you, but I overdid it.”

“Overdid what? Why haven’t you called?”

“Just come with me, okay?” Jace held out his hand. “There’s something I want to show you.”

Ben’s heart melted. He reached out and took Jace’s hand, a shock running through him as they touched. His treacherous heart insisted that his brain forget everything and forgive Jace. He would eventually demand answers, but right now all he wanted was a kiss.

“What have you been drinking?” Jace laughed once their lips had parted.

“Tequila,” Allison said from the doorway. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Jace said, leading Ben toward the front door. “I’ll try to have him back soon.”

“No, you won’t.” Allison smiled knowingly.

Once in the passenger seat, Ben focused on sobering up. He had always been convinced that this was an issue of mind over matter, but the streetlights refused to stop swaying.

“Wait a minute,” Ben said abruptly. “This is your car! Did you drive out here?”

“Yup,” Jace confirmed.

“Why?”

“You’ll find out in about two blocks.”

Jace pulled onto a side street and then into an apartment complex. He navigated a few turns before finding a spot and parking. After he turned off the car he regarded Ben, the engine clicking as it cooled.