“Hope I didn’t call too late,” Jace said, sounding tired.

“Not at all,” Ben replied, worrying that the other man’s enthusiasm for him had waned.

“I’m afraid I have to cancel our date,” Jace continued. “I was called in to work today.”

“I thought you were on vacation?”

“I was supposed to be. There have been a number of ‘mysterious’ holiday-inspired illnesses, and I have to pick up the slack. I’m calling from Boston right now.”

“That sucks. When are you going to be home again?”

“Friday afternoon. Do you have any plans for New Year’s?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Ben looked at Allison. He didn’t want to leave her alone on a holiday considering the situation. Then again, would she really feel like partying so soon? “New Year’s?” he repeated, asking both Jace and Allison at the same time.

Allison rolled her eyes, smiled, and waved her consent. Ben knew her well enough to tell that she honestly didn’t mind. He confirmed plans with Jace, and talked to him a while longer before hanging up. He had thought waiting an extra few days was going to be hard. Now it would be even longer.

As it turned out, the time went quickly. He still had a lot of catching up to do with his family and much to take care of with Allison. They retrieved her father’s ashes together and drove down to Corpus Christi, the city where Mr. Cross was raised and had met Allison’s mother. They scattered his ashes out into the Gulf and cried together--Allison because she wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her father, Ben because it hurt him to see his friend in so much pain.

“He was a bastard,” Allison said, shocking Ben. “You know I found a box of love letters the other day? A whole shoebox full hidden in his closet. Some of them were from my mother, but most were from him.”

Ben couldn’t imagine Mr. Cross doing something as emotional as writing sappy prose, and the surprise must have shown on his face because Allison responded to it.

“I didn’t know either,” she said. “He must have loved her so much that it broke his heart when she died, but it pisses me off. Mom might have been gone, but I wasn’t, and I could have used that love. Instead he bottled his feelings up inside, but the worst part is that now I understand why. Losing him makes me hurt so bad that I want to do the same.”

Allison began crying again, and Ben put an arm around her.

“You won’t though,” he said. “You’re better than that. What did you always tell me when I broke up with Tim and was so miserable?”

“Lean into it.” Allison managed a laugh.

“That’s right. Lean into those feelings and let them wash through you. As wretched as they might make us feel, they’re a part of us, and we shouldn’t ignore them. It only hurts worse if we do.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Allison said, laying her head on his shoulder.

“Me too.”

Silently, they watched the sea gulls dive and soar on the horizon. The skies were winter gray but the weather was warm enough to be comfortable. Ben couldn’t ignore how much more he felt at home here than in Chicago.

“Don’t go back,” Allison said, sitting upright and hanging her legs over the dock’s edge.

“What?” Ben asked, taken aback.

“I’m tired of you being so far away.” Her best doe eyes were focused on him. “I need you close. Especially now.”

“That’s not fair,” Ben countered, but his heart wasn’t in the argument. As soon as he had stepped out of the airport into mild weather he had once considered cold, he knew he was home again. Chicago felt like a distant dream, but still a part of him was reluctant to return to the world he had grown up in.

“Austin is much more liberal,” Allison said. “It’s nothing but weirdoes. Being gay is about as risqué as white bread there.”

Austin could be okay. Sure it was Texas, but also an unexplored city. Home, yet somewhere new. The idea sounded good, but he intended to show some resistance. That way he would score twice as many brownie points. “Why don’t you go to school in Chicago?”

“And switch schools mid-semester? Only an idiot would do that!”

“Thanks!”

“Well, an idiot or a very committed best friend.” Allison blinked seductively.

“I’ll think about it,” he promised, even though his mind was already made up. The idea of not having to muck through the snow, of not having to worrying about Mason breaking in again was too tempting. As much as Ben enjoyed the idea of living far away from everything he knew, he had tired of homesickness. Not to mention that he’d never had a friend like Allison before or since.

“All right. Done thinking about it,” he said. “We’ll have to get our own place. I’m not moving into your dorm!”

The first authentic grin on Allison’s face since her father’s death was worth the hassle of switching schools. The big hug she gave Ben only sweetened the deal.

__________

Chapter 18

The better part of New Year’s Eve was spent in front of the mirror, where Ben tried on every possible combination of clothing, even dipping into the closet for items he hadn’t worn in years. Jace had invited him to a party, but Ben didn’t know if this was a casual shindig or formal affair. Considering it was New Year’s Eve, everyone there might be decked out in tuxedos. Ben tried to find an outfit suitable for all possible scenarios, but in the end he could only hope his navy blue dress shirt and jeans were passable. Next came an endless battle with his hair, which needed to be cut, followed by cologne that had to be washed off in favor of another scent. Once he felt presentable, Ben drove into downtown Houston and scouted for the address that Jace had given him.

An attractive and transparently drunk woman answered the door, waving him in without even looking at him properly. The party was in full swing, loud music pumping and people swaying to the beat, although instead of dancing, most of them were merely trying to keep their balance. T-shirts mingled with tuxes, assuring Ben that he wasn’t the only one uncertain of the dress code. Ben made his way through the apartment twice, excusing himself more than once for squeezing between conversations and stepping on toes, before he spotted Jace. He was seated on a couch and had his arm around a woman who looked quite a bit like the person who had answered the door. In fact, almost everyone here was of an indeterminate age and thin, with a certain vibe that suggested they were all flight attendants. For a moment Ben felt like he had stepped into some secret underground culture known only to those inside the airline industry.

Jace jumped to his feet when he saw Ben and wasted no time in kissing him deeply, causing a couple of bystanders to “woooo!” in appreciation.

“Well, hello to you, too!” Ben said with a flush.

“I’m glad you made it!” Jace grinned. “Did you have trouble finding the place?”

“A little bit, but--”

“Who’s this, then?” a woman exclaimed, taking a hold of Jace’s arm and ogling Ben.

Jace made the introductions, the first in a seemingly infinite series. Each time was the same--a courteous amount of interest was given to Ben, then Jace and his friends would talk about people and places Ben had no knowledge of. Jace’s popularity signaled good things about his personality, but Ben’s frustration was rising. He wanted to be alone with Jace and get to know him better, not listen to meaningless gossip. The frequent mention of someone named Sam, who was purportedly very cute, didn’t help either. Was this an ex-boyfriend?

“All right, see you later,” Jace said cordially to the latest visitor, his smile dropping once they were out of sight. “We have to get out of here,” he muttered from the corner of his mouth. “Let’s make a run for it.”

Ben didn’t need encouraging and made a beeline for the door. Jace was further behind, choosing a less direct path to avoid other potentially social situations.