I roll over into the fetal position and I think of my child, in the same position, so much younger, unconscious, gestating, serving time just like Daddy, waiting. It doesn’t fully exist yet, but Love and I created a human, a boy or a girl, we don’t know, can’t know. It’s too early. You could say the same thing about my fate. The future is a frontier we can’t fully explore until we make it there, but then we arrive, and the distant horizon has become something else, something less romantic. It’s just the present—the mattress coils in my back, the bars on my cell, Love waiting for me to come home.

You think about this stuff in jail so you don’t go crazy. You realize your intuition is stronger than science, truer than a molecule. I feel it in my caged gut. I will be free soon. I also know that we’re going to have a baby girl. I don’t have to close my eyes to see her, a little version of Love with my dark irises on her heart-shaped face. I smile. We exist. We are both on a journey and we are both in love and that’s all anyone can hope for in life.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

IT’S time to thank all the people who worked zealously to bring this book into your hands. Everyone at Emily Bestler Books, Atria, and Simon & Schuster, I thank you. My editors Emily Bestler and Megan Reid ask smart questions. Line for line, you care and invest. I am continuously awestruck. I count my blessings for Josh Bank, Lanie Davis, and Sara Shandler at Alloy Entertainment. Your eyes and ears mean the world to me. You get it. ☺ I’m grateful to Les Morgenstein, Judith Curr, David Brown, and Jo Dickinson. You are champions. Natalie Sousa, thank you for your astounding ability to tell a story with images. Santino Fontana, thank you for your voice.

Big thanks to the WME team. Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, Claudia Ballard, Laura Bonner, Maggie Shapiro, and Katie Giarla, you make wonderful things happen.

To my mom: You have always made me feel like everything I write is an event, like it matters. You are brave and honest. Thank you for saying hmmm.

To my dad: Thank you for your voice. You are always with me. Your clarity and your chutzpah, your poetic nature and your love of words, you live on.

I love the world of books. It’s a joy to connect with readers, bloggers, librarians, booksellers, authors, journalists, and podcasters. The bright side of technology is a tweet from someone who was up all night reading your book. I love you guys for reaching out to ask for more Joe.

Finally, I raise my glass of vodka to my beloved friends and family. You crack me up. You make me think. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for your love.